Tuesday, September 25, 2012

SMU's Newest PSA.

Despite portraying themselves as a high-class, borderline Ivy League institution of higher learning, SMU is having a REALLY tough time getting their students to stop engaging in hoodrat activities. 

First it was the cover up of drug abuse on campus where, instead of allowing their student body to off themselves with narcotics ON campus, SMU began transporting their trash to Waco in order to throw the authorities off the scent.  (Side note:  Perhaps we should all literally begin exporting our trash to Waco?  That place is already just a big landfill for the most embarrassing members of the human race, why not just turn it in to a literal landfill?) Then came the cover up of rapists running wild on Hillcrest. Despite SMU's best efforts to cover it up, the student involved is actually going to face legal prosecution, demonstrating that while SMU could not care any less about the safety of its students, at least the City of Dallas has its eye on "Dallas' Team."  

So with that outlet temporarily removed, you wound up with the football team's dalliances with whores because, if you can't get it for free or by force, paying for it really is your only option.   However, once the accused were robbed blind by said streetwalker, SMU students are going to have to think twice before spending their parent's ill-gotten gains on such proclivities.

Which brings us to where we are now.  For the time being at SMU it will be difficult for male students to know the love of a good woman by nefarious means.  You can't ply her with drugs, you can't take her by force and you can't employ her.  

But no one said anything about getting familiar with a dude.  The following is a dispatch from the SMU police department:

Student Reports Being Sexually Assaulted Early Sunday Morning
A male SMU student reported being sexually assaulted by a male SMU student acquaintance at two different campus locations about 3 a.m. and again shortly thereafter, on Sunday, September 23, 2012. The victim said he first was sexually assaulted on the west side of 3050 SMU Boulevard and then in the Airline Parking Garage at Airline Road and Daniel Avenue. 

It's always about loopholes with these folks, isn't it?  Well, loopholes and cornholes, apparently. Be careful this weekend, guys.  

SMU Hate Week: Even June Jones Hates SMU

That jersey does not say "J. Jones".  

Remember when June Jones left SMU high and dry following last season to take the Arizona State job but then they pulled his offer last minute?  Remember that?  That was awesome.  I don't know what I enjoyed more about that whole ordeal - Jones running out of SMU as fast as he possibly could without thinking twice about it or Jones putting his tail between his legs and coming back after Arizona State gave him the big "FU". Oh wait, it was SMU and their "we can't do any better than you so we beg you to come back, even though you don't want us anymore and will inevitably leave us again".  Seriously though, SMU and June Jones, that was great theater you provided us last December.  Pretty much June Jones left his girlfriend (SMU) for a hotter, sluttier girl (Arizona State), then the hotter girl basically told June "ooohhh, yeah sorry about that.  I was REALLY drunk.  Move in together?!?  Haha, nooooo.  I think you and I should just be friends."  So what does June do?  He calls back the ex that he told to get lost and SMU, being the desperate, unloved whore that it is, takes him back with open arms because deep down SMU knows that this is the best they can and will ever do.

Jones even went as far as trying to get his SMU commits to follow him to Arizona State, you know, for that job he NEVER HAD!  Oops, June.  Why did this deal fall apart?  Nobody knows, but I do know that his agent at the time was former super-agent Leigh Steinberg, so maybe Arizona State got tired of negotiating with a raging alcoholic egotistical agent who craps himself and wears diapers.  Maybe they were pretty ecstatic about hiring Jones, but when he showed up to the interview in a Hawaiian shirt, cargo pants, and a lei around his neck they realized that this goober would be a bad fit for any program that wants to be taken seriously.

I guess we'll never really know for sure why the deal fell off the table, but Jones is back at SMU now and all is well, right?  Not exactly.  Even June's son got into the SMU bashing via twitter which had to go over well with the 50 or so SMU fans that exist.  To summarize, he called SMU "the shittiest football school in America" and bashed their lack of resources.  Good for this kid.  He might actually not be a complete moron like his dad.  He's right.  It's one of the shittiest football programs in America and they have no resources.  Hell, the Packers practiced at Highland Park High School when the Super Bowl came through town because they preferred a high school's facilities to SMU's.  That's embarrassing.  It is pretty clear that June and his family want nothing to do with SMU, but he is stuck there until the next offer rolls in and he can bail.  For the time being though, Jones has come up with a clever way to make SMU fans as miserable as he is...

...by making Garrett Gilbert his QB.  I've gotta hand it to Jones.  This is a pretty funny/sick joke he's playing on the Ponies and their fans.  Starting a QB who couldn't beat out Case McCoy in Austin?  He's either a glutton for punishment or he finds humor in watching SMU struggle.  Either way, I'm glad I get to look at the box scores every Saturday to confirm what we already knew - that Garrett Gilbert still sucks and he's the most overrated QB to ever walk on a college campus.  Glad we got the good Gilbert, because this one wouldn't crack the depth chart in Fort Worth.  So far Gilbert has just 3 TD's and 4 interceptions and has guided his team to impressive blowout losses to Baylor (59-24) and Texas A&M (48-3).  June Jones is sadistically making SMU fans suffer through game after game with him under center for them, and opposing defensive coordinators across the country are probably sending him gift baskets for doing them such a favor.  The best part about all of it is that he's got another year of eligibility after this one, so assuming Jones doesn't leave for greener pastures in the offseason, the nation will have 1 more year to laugh at the train wreck that is SMU football.  

Thank you, June Jones, for having a sense of humor about the whole publicly embarrassing yourself and SMU by pretending you got another job only to run back with your tail between your legs.  Horned Frog Nation enjoyed laughing at your expense.  And thank you again for clearly having the biggest case of mailing-it-in give up I've ever seen in a head coach.  Seriously June, even Wade Phillips thinks you quit on your team.  Don't you worry, June.  Keep going at this pace and SMU will surely have to let you go, and then you'll get exactly what you wanted...to get the Hell out of SMU.  

Finally, upon doing some thorough research on the Internet, I can find no confirmation that CRAIG JAMES KILLED 5 HOOKERS WHILE AT SMU, but let's always Remember The 5.  #CJK5H

Frogs in the NFL - Week 3

Can't believe we are three weeks into the NFL season and the only undefeated teams are the Cardinals, Texans, and Falcons! It was a good Sunday for TCU alums across the board, as several Frogs keyed big victories.

Marcus Cannon - OT - Patriots (lost to the Ravens 31-30) Hard to root for the Pats, despite Cannon's place on the roster, impossible to root against Torrey Smith on Sunday night. The Ravens struggled to generate a pass rush against the NE o-line, but the running game never really got going. All anyone will be talking about this game though is Smith's incredible performance after losing his brother and The Hoodie almost dismembering a replacement ref after the game.

Tank Carder - LB - Browns (lost to the Bills 24-14) The Browns are terrible. #FreeTank

Andy Dalton - QB - Bengals (beat the Redskins 38-31) Dalton continued his ownership of that former Baylor QB as the Red Rifle and company held off the Skins in RGIII's home opener. Andy threw for 328 yards on 19/27 passing and had three TD's verses a single pick six, which was quite possible the ugliest INT of the year.

Clint Gresham - LS - Seahawks (beat the Packers 14-12) This game was bizarre...

David Hawthorne - LB - Saints (lost 27-24 to the Cardinals) Hawthorne had two tackles as the the Saints choked away another home win. After signing a big contract in the off-season, the LB has yet to really hit his stride in NO, but who can blame him with that train wreck going on? He did leave the game with a hamstring injury, so here's hoping he is able to get back on the field soon!

Jerry Hughes - DE - Colts (lost to the Jaguars 22-17) The Colts lost an absolute heartbreaker of a game, as they took the lead on a FG with less than a minute to go only to see Blaine Gabbert throw an 80 TD pass on the first play of the Jags next possession. It was one of several improbable finishes Sunday. Hughes once again started for the injured Dwight Freeney, and had three tackles including one TFL.

Colin Jones - S - Panthers (lost to the Giants 36-7) No stats 

Jeremy Kerley - WR - Jets (beat the Dolphins 23-20) Kerley had a big day for the Jets, picking up 73 yards and a TD on only two catches. His 66 yard grab was a momentum swinger, and he added 45 yards on three punt returns. It's awesome to see Kerley being a game changer at the professional level!

Marshall Newhouse - OT - Packers ("lost" to the Seahawks 14-12) I know this is a TCU blog, and I know this is a post about the on-field success of our football alums, but can I just get a little ranty for a moment? Roger Goodell you are the worst. I am so disgusted by you that I don't even care to double check how to spell your name. NFL owners, you are also terrible. And, just to cover all my bases, replacement refs need to go back to officiating middle school games or waiting tables or doing whatever they were doing before they started focusing on ruining the most popular sport in America. The NFL is a joke as long as we are willing to continue to watch these scab officials while the regular, slightly more competent refs argue with billionaire owners over what basically amounts to a couple extra dollars and better insurance. This. Is. So. Dumb. I can't believe I am paying an unholy amount to watch this garbage, and I'm horrified by the fact that I know I will continue to watch. Ugh. This is *almost* enough to make me think about being a soccer fan. And that's the worst thing about the whole mess.

Oh, and Marshall Newhouse had a rough night under the lights, as the 'Hawks sacked Aaron Rodgers 8 times in the first half and had him running for his life all game. Newhouse of course can't be blamed for all of that, but it wasn't his best game.

Jason Phillips - LB - Panthers (lost to the Giants 36-7) no stats

Herb Taylor - OT - Jacksonville (beat the Colts 22-17) Herb did not start this week after starting in his first game after being signed by the Jags.

Daryl Washington - LB - Cardinals (beat the Eagles 27-6) The Cardinals sure do look like they are for real, and the defense is a big reason for that. Arizona forced three fumbles on the game and Washington went all Beast Mode on Mike Vick, as he had two sacks, three QB hits, and six tackles. Washington is definitely putting himself in the conversation for greatest Frog Pro Defensive Players, along with Bob Lilly and Aaron Schobel, right?

Time for your predictions in the comments... Will Dalton go over 300 yards again? Will the replacement reps decapitate a player with an errant flag? Can Jeremy Kerley make an impact against the Niners and their staunch secondary? How many times can D-Wash take Tannehill down? Will we ever see Ed Hochuli and his glorious biceps on an NFL field again?

Morning Dump: 09/25