Tuesday, October 2, 2012

THE SOUR GRAPES SMASH!
THE INAUGURAL** EDITION

     Welcome To Our New Feature Telling Us What The Guys We Just Beat The Living Bollocks Out Of Are Saying About Us While Trying To Figure Out Just How We Dismantled Them So Badly, Sold Their Loved Ones Into Phil Knight Shoe Factory Slavery, Convinced Their Parents That They Really, Really DID Join The Peace Corps (no, REALLLLY) and Gave Craig James Their Daughter's And Niece's Phone Numbers.
 We Are Telling YOU, The Horned Frogs Of The Known World, the Truly Naughty Things They Are Saying About The Perfection That Is Frog Nation Because We Kicked Their Lame Butts Back Into The SWC Because They Are A Bunch Of Button Down, Collars Up, Neuveau Riche Effeminate Little Douc........
(EDITED FOR LAWSUIT REASONS - THE PREVIOUS EDITOR WAS SACKED)
   What We MEANT To Say - Before That Grad From The Little Methodist School In Dallas Got To The Keyboard And Typed Things We Would Never, Ever, Ever Consider Printing Even With A Large Caliber Water Pistol To Our Head - Was That Our Team Defeated Theirs In A Fair and Honorable Competition And We Are Relating Their Deeply Heartfelt Congratulations And Respect At Our Natural And Complete Superiority In All Things, Places and 4-2-5 Defensive Schemes..........So There Bucko!
 ** (A NOTE TO OUR PERUNA AFFLICTED FRIENDS: For all of you from that little methodist school in dallas, "Inaugural" means "the very, very first one". We will tell you what all those big, mean, nasty, grown-up words mean. Any time you see this (*) it means that there is a new word to learn. Try sounding them out using the flash cards Mommy and Daddy gave you when you were a freshman at that little methodist school in dallas, and don't be afraid to ask for help. Remember, there are no stupid questions, just people who went to that little methodist school in dallas and the irreparable*
---{DING !} Say it after me kids:(irrr-rep-err-ab-ell - this is a big people word  which means totally, utterly buggered)--- damage that going to that little methodist school in dallas has caused in those people's hearts, minds, relationships with hookers and football knowledge.)
Wellllllll....

I was going to post all of the vitriol that fans of that little methodist school in dallas had posted about us handing them their jocks for the 46th time. I didn't find any. That little methodist school in dallas is kind of like that kid that got into a fight with someone bigger and better on the playground. Normally the guy who loses then goes into his "hold me back, hold me back...now I'm reallly mad. I'm gonna kill him....hold me back" routine in hopes that someone actually, you know, holds him back. Fan reaction of that little methodist school in dallas was more like "No. We lost. TCU wins. They kicked our butts eight ways to Sunday. Let's not piss them off again by selling tickets that were the same as the fluke score we beat them by in that fluke game last year - we know we got out butt kicked - let's blame OUR coach and OUR team and OUR program and OUR stadium. Which they proceeded to do.


Ponyfans.com is probably the closest thing that little methodist school in dallas has to SpitBlood.com (saying closest here is rather like comparing the Rangers and Mets. They are still not in the same league, one wins a lot, and the other is just there, but its the closest site I could find). Here are some of the profoundly vitriolic topics bashing TCU on the football discussion board of Ponyfans.com.
  • Cole with his 1st NFL catch: This is about someone named Cole who apparently went to that little methodist school in dallas and actually made a, 1, singular catch in an NFL game after probably being on the practice squad for 5 years. It is nice to know that little methodist school in dallas has one former player in the show, even if he has only made one catch and no one really knows who the hell he is Apparently mentioning the TCU score was simply too painful for this guy.

    Umbrella Etiquette: This guy at least tried  to get into the spirit of hating the rival, but it kind of (I'm being nice - it colossally) fell short. Here is a taste of that little methodist school in dallas mean (add growling sound here):  "Sad to say that while I was standing next to a gaggle of drunk TCU frat boys for most of the first half, it was with an SMU fan that I had the biggest problem with behavior." OK, the TCU frat boys were drunk, but it was the SMU fan that he had the real problem because he didn't raise his pinky while using the umbrella? And if your school had true divine favor, why did the second Great Flood start at your stadium and why was the US Coast Guard handing out speeding tickets on Mockingbird because it had gone completely underwater? Don't play with divine football forces thou dost not understand!

    Scoring Drive Stats: Apparently there are few enough of these for the whole season that they can fit all of them into one post. This post (which has to make any decent student from that little methodist school in dallas want to hide in a large hole near Perkins Seminary and pray for better times) pretty much says it all. This post closes by saying "There we have it. We are averaging 1.25 legit scoring drive per game if you include field goals. We are averaging 0.75 a touchdown-scoring drives per game. Shocking." It IS shocking - who knew that the little methodist school in dallas was doing that well?

    Gilbert Is Not The Problem - This post then proceeds to examine what exactly is the problem. They list everything from the receivers to June Jones to the magnetic poles to December 21, 2012 which will end all things and let that little methodist school in dallas start over.

 There are also a number of posts STILL debating the fairness of the death penalty and what really, really, really, really happened. Sorry to start this series with such a downer school, but what can I say? It IS that little methodist school in dallas after all. I do have to give credit where credit is due, as a few Peruna worshipers did actually call GMFP "Coach Fatterson" and our beloved Horned Frog "a horny toad that screws everyone", but the SMU fan base has simply not gotten the whole rivalry thing down yet. When Baylor and the "Revivalry", "I-35 Holy War", "The Baylor Game" or whatever the hell we are calling it now  comes around again we at least will be getting insulted by Baptist professionals. That little methodist school in dallas' attempts at insulting us here at TCU were, well, INSULTING! Never the less, we won, that little methodist school in dallas lost, and all is well with the world.

See you next week when we sneak around Iowa State's fan sites and find out what they think of us. By the way, my prediction for the Iowa State game in Patterson Palace (aka Amon Carter 2.0):
TCU 35, Iowa State 14

19 comments:

Snowfrog said...

Great work David, the little methodist school in dallas is always good for a laugh. I can't wait to read what the cyclones have to say about us after we take care of business Saturday!

BuckNasty said...

How much aderall did you take to write this?

LT4heisman said...

No shit.

David Persons said...

Didn't take adderall or shit. Just reflecting what I saw over at the other school's site.

BuckNasty said...

Couple more:
"TCU is terrible and we can look forward to many TCU losses this year"

"with McDermott and last year's WRs we win that game by 2 TDs"

"is it wrong to think that if JJ had another year of eligibility that this game might have been an SMU rout?"

SnK said...

So they're saying with last year's players they would've won? That's retarded. Do we get last years players too? I think we lost a lot more talent than they did. So dumb.

SnK said...

Please Dont Put Every Word Starting With A Capital Letter And Not Punctuate It Makes My Head Want To Explode Thanks

David Persons said...

"Please Dont Put Every Word Starting With A Capital Letter And Not Punctuate It Makes My Head Want To Explode "

It also kept your attention, which is the point of a capital lead paragraph. Don't worry - I don't use that very often, and I hope your head hangs together.

Travis Maloney said...

LOL, I love it. I nearly busted up laughing at work. I know half of that was going after me :D By trolling ponyfans you see how little they actually believe in their own team. As for Cole, he signed Undrafted Free Agent to the Cowgirls(the only one) this season and beat out former TCU RB EdWesley for a final spot.

Travis Maloney said...
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SnK said...

No. Ed Wesley was gone long before the final spot and they don't even play the same position.

Travis Maloney said...

I meant as final roster spot. I know SMU folks are dumb but I know (most of) the alphabet and that WR and RB are different letters, though they do look similar...

Travis Maloney said...

One last little nitpick on the blog post- Cole was a graduate of 2012 so he hasn't been on the practice squad for 5 years. I know, I know. I said I would quit commenting. I'll just let Rick James say it for me: http://youtu.be/me2VnyCnmHo

FrogFan said...

You know, for all you say that this is the superbowl for the SMU fans, it seems that you care a LOT more than they do.

Travis Maloney said...

Some fans on both sides get really into what Sir Wesley calls the Hate Bowl. I had some chats with Frog fans behind the SMU band and it was a fun time. A couple of guys were doing some PG rated heckling when our RB scored and I was just like "I don't know how that happened." They didn't either. For that moment we were united as one in our confusion.

BuckNasty said...

"I meant as final roster spot."- Ed was gone before the final roster was decided. He was given the boot when he showed up late to a meeting during training camp.

Travis Maloney said...

Is he on the final roster? No. If you and I were running a mile on a track and you quit at lap 2, you still didn't run a mile.

BuckNasty said...
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BuckNasty said...

i thought you meant they were battling for the final roster spot. i was just clarifying that ed was long gone by that time.