Wednesday, October 17, 2012

The SOUR GRAPES For The Week -

There was the classic play Anne Of The Thousand Days. The wonderful childhood stories of Aladdin and Ali Baba and those other cools folks in 1,001 Arabian Nights. Paul Simon had 50 Ways To Leave Your Lover. And now Baylor has given us 1 MILLION AND ONE EXCUSES WHY TCU HANDED US OUR JOCK STRAPS ON THE FIFTY YARD LINE.  
Never has SOUR GRAPES been more aptly named.
One thing that I have learned in writing SOUR GRAPES for a while now is that every fan base has its own unique character. The Virginia fans were, to be fair, pretty classy. The Grambling folks gave credit where credit was due. The Iowa State fans, even in unexpectedly outscoring TCU, also admitted that it could have easily gone the other way and that both teams were pretty good. The Kansas fans were, as usual, focusing on the fact that basketball opened in less than two months. That little methodist school in dallas was, well, that little methodist school in dallas.
Then there is the Baylor fan base. The Baylor fan threads show a certain obsession with TCU in all sports, but none quite like football. And after last year's RGIII led two point outscoring Baylor fans went completely off the planet and pronounced that their BAYLOR team was far, far superior to TCU, despite a look at the head to head record (we were tied, right? - but I will get back to Baylor mathematics and statistics in a second). The Baylor fan sites featured threads entitled "Why TCU Sucks", "TCU 'Bout To Catch Hell" and other posts in similarly intelligent veins. 
And then, after last Saturday evening's jocularities, the excuses began. And continued. And reproduced through excuse osmosis. And they rose into a living pile large enough to take over the world and bury all humanity. Augghhhhhhallthehumanitiesnooooo! (Umm, oops-sorry about that). The excuses ranged from arguing that TCU winning was a fluke because "Baylor gave it away even though DAVID UBBEN PICKED US TO WIN!" to "TCU wanted to hit us and punish us" (duh, that is how the game is played boys). Don't get me wrong, I like David Ubben as much as the next fan, but he was predicting, not requiring. According to Bear nation, TCU did not win this game so much as Baylor lost it and handed it to the Frogs on a platter. Keep in mind that this is the same team that thought winning the 2011 Alamo Bowl against Washington in a game where the defensive squads didn't even line up on the field was a "program defining" event - it was, but the definition was probably not what they had hoped for. One of my personal favorites was the post that argued Baylor should have won because (and I promise I am not making this up) "Boykins accuracy sure was suspect" (as I said earlier, Baylor fans and statistical mathematics simply cannot co-exist in our reality).  
To be fair, part of what was driving the "Baylor lost" rather than "TCU won" theme was the grief that Bear nation was giving to their own team. I guess Bears really do eat their own young. Posts across the Bear's fan sites were permeated with titles such as "Goodbye Defensive Coaching Staff" -where one genius said that "Briles has to make some big changes after a freshman qb thrashes you like this"- to "Can We Beat Kansas?" (OUCH!) to "Get Your Shit Together Bears!". Get used to getting thrashed by that particular freshman Bears, you will be seeing him in your nightmares for a while to come. Enough said about that - Bear nation is convinced that Baylor got so bad so quickly and so completely that Waco Middle School would have won the game. Baylor will do just about anything to keep from acknowledging that the Frogs are simply a much, much better team. A team who could beat them despite having lost the equivalent of an entire starting roster on both sides of the ball since the end of last season. Only, and I do mean only, TCU could remain ranked after having lost 21 players in 10 months. Yet Bear nation thinks they lost due to a fluke, and due to their own weakness - TCU's strength and getting back to their consistently balanced game is what won it. We know that, and Baylor will keep making excuses until they can publish, just like the Aggie Joke Book, the Baylor Excuses For Losing Book. At least it should be well researched, peer reviewed and authoritative.

(Edited to reflect new and highly enlightened editorial policies regarding how that numnut college in Lubbock shall be referenced)
Now for next week, that school from West Texas that finally has to come play us. The Texas Tech Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too, I will admit, looked pretty good in its win over what I have considered to be the single most overrated team in the FBS, The West Virginia Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too. Now they have to face their ultimate nightmare, the one that they backed out of when it was on the non-conference schedule because their own Coach Tommy "Twinkle Pinky Toes" Tuberville said that TCU was simply "not the kind of team we want to play right now" (you know, the kind that will regularly beat you by hanging 45 on you in the first quarter). Things may have changed a bit since then, but this is still TCU and it is still coached by GMFP. The day of reckoning is upon you Masked Rider. You are coming to our house. Don't get lost, and don't feel bad that SuperFrog is so much better looking and doesn't have to wear a mask in public to keep from turning fans into stone. To quote Scotty G from New Jack City as he is beating the living fizzy soda out of cowardly bad boy Nino Brown, "this isn't business boy, this is personal !". 
My prediction: TCU 42, Texas Tech Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too 24, and that the Texas Tech Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too actually shows up this time. One out of three ain't bad. At least for the Texas Tech Center For Kids Who Can't Read Good And Wanna Learn To Do Other Stuff Good Too.

TTTCFKWCRGAWLTDOSGT's Bus Driver & Chancellor - The team might get here by Saturday. 

No comments: