Thursday, June 7, 2012

WHAT A DICK! Cat Murder Edition

Exhibiting characteristics of a future serial killer?  "No big deal," says Steve Smith

Baylor, as we all know from talking to Baylor fans and alumni, is the only true Christian university in Texas.  While the rest of us heathens toil in a world of sin, the people whose equally-boring parents made them go to Baylor are able to rest comfortably on a moral high ground.  We should all look to the spire-infested campus in Waco for inspiration and how to live a life of integrity.

It's a good thing, too, because I know in the days and weeks after a few TCU football players were arrested for selling pot, I was so glad that Baylor fans were there to remind me of how Patterson was (despite immediately kicking all four off the team) losing control of his program and that this rampant drug problem would cause every parent of potential athletes or students to shy away from sending their kids to such a collegiate den of iniquity.  Something like that would NEVER happen at Baylor.

Don't bring up the two Baylor football players arrested after being found passed out drunk in a Taco Bell drive-through with weed in the car during the 2010 season.  After all, the Baylor administration definitely stepped up and did the right thing by, you know, allowing star receiver Josh Gordon to play in the Bears' game against Tech two days after the arrest and every game for the rest of the 2010 season.

And the ethical leadership exhibited by the adults at Baylor was certainly on display when, in 2003, they asked members of their basketball program to lie to investigators to cover up the NCAA rules infractions by pinning all of them on a scapegoat...who happened to be one of their teammates who was murdered by another member of the team.  I'm pretty sure the bible says it's alright to organize a group of people to blame your own misdeeds on a dead person...yeah,'s in the old testament somewhere.

So it should come as no surprise that true moral compass of Lone Star State academia also acted with unblemished integrity back in March of 2001 when two players on the Baylor baseball team were arrested for shooting, be-heading and skinning a cat they found in the parking lot of a Taco Cabana.  Two weeks later, head coach Steve Smith responded by suspending the two players indefinitely.  Good work, coach- no room for budding young sociopaths on your team.  That is unless, fifteen days later, you look up at your schedule and see that #5 Rice is coming to town right before a road trip to play Nebraska, the first-place team in the Big 12.  Oddly enough, that's right when the players' suspensions were lifted.  Odder still is that the topic was never brought up in an online chat Smith had with fans that very week. 

It's so nice that, when the rest of us wayward philistines lose our way by sacrificing integrity for the almighty dollar or athletic glory, we can look to the sky above Waco to find the true moral north.


buffalo said...

Your mother's brother Ned is also a philistine.

Then I'm a philistine.

No, you're interested in books and things.

Lyle Lanley said...

"What did he do that pissed you off so much?"

"He made some disparaging remarks about the Knicks at a party"

Sir Wesley Willis said...

/masturbates into a library book