Here's Your Future.
I haven't paid that much attention to the news lately. It's not that I don't WANT to, but certain circumstances have made sitting down and checking in on the happenings of the world a little difficult, and what free time I have had to venture outside of my bubble has been disappointing, mostly because it has revolved around watching our dear football team implode a bit. However, two recent stories have caught my eye. One was the curious case of SMU's amateur crane operator, a situation that grabbed my attention initially as a potential source for SMU Hate, but also because at the time the man was thought to be a sniper and his location was VERY near to my home. The other hit close to home too, but in a much, much different way. Of course I'm talking about the strange tale of the Florida homeless man caught gnawing the face off of another Florida homeless man, supposedly after getting high on bath salts, which is apparently a thing now.
I may be alone in this segment, but I totally dig zombie movies. Zombieland, while not a genuine zombie flick, is one of the better movies I've seen in a few years, 28 Days Later remains a constant favorite and will always grab at least 30 minutes of my time when I see it on HBO and Evil Dead 2... well, let's just say if you haven't immersed yourself in the greatness of that cinematic triumph, I don't want to know you. Perhaps the most damning evidence of my zombie interest is the fact that I've stuck with The Walking Dead through their non-adventures on the farm, which is sort of akin to sticking with TCU Football through the early-90s out of love, although I have a feeling my zombies won't give me quite the same payoff. You get the point - I like me some undead flesheaters. However, my interest in zombies comes with a pretty huge caveat - I like them because they arent' real. Sure, a lot of folks have joked about the Florida man being a zombie - he apparently would not stop when police approached him and had to be shot multiple times because the first few did not put him down and he just kept going for the man's face - but this is Florida we're talking about! America's Wang! One of the premier meth capitals in the country! For all the grief we give to Louisiana and Arkansas for being backwards, for my money Florida tops them all, so it makes perfect sense for something like this to happen there.
But then I received an email that, while made in jest, certainly raised some curious possibilities. I'll post it here:
Haz Mat Incidents? Face Eating? Spitting Blood? How does every zombie movie begin? Scientists in a private lab crafting a weaponized virus to be used by the government in chemical warfare is accidentally released into the air, typically by accident, and quickly ravages the populace. Is it possible that Florida scientists' accidentally spilled their hard work and that the Sunshine State is ground zero for a zombie apocalypse? Could this chain of events have some sort of karmic connection to the gradual destruction of the 2012 TCU Horned Frogs defense? We're a few months early for the Mayans prediction, but could this be the start of the beginning of the end? All I know is, when the government starts mailing out cyanide tablets, I'm not taking my chances.