Monday, June 4, 2012

Big 12 Orientation, Week 7: Baylor Football.

This is what happened when I tried Googlin' Baylor Football Tradition.

Baylor At-A-Glance:
  • 541-539-44.  Can't wait to see that record get below .500 again!
  • 18 Bowl Appearances
  • 1 Heisman Winner
  • 1 tarp covering an entire end zone of seats
  • 1 proposed stadium modeled on an MLS stadium
  • 0 National Titles
  • 0 BCS Appearances
  • 0 Big 12 Titles
  • 0 Big 12 Division Titles
  • 0 Fan support pre-Griffin
  • 0 Fan support post-Griffin
  • 0 Friends
  • 0 Defense
  • 0 Hope of being relevant again
Mascots:  Two Black Bears named Joy and Lady.  You can't make that up.  Say what you will about the Horned Frog as a weapon of intimidation, at least it spits blood; Joy and Lady make me think of a menopause related depression infomercial.

History With TCU:  On the field, Baylor remains TCU's longest-running rival and the series is one of the most played in college football.  Beginning in 1899, the overall record stands at 50-50-7 and I for one will be glad to bump SMU on down the list of "Games I Give A Shit About" starting next year.  Off the field, however, things get bitter.  REAL bitter.  It's entirely possible, yet not proven, that Baylor is responsible for the burning of the AddRan College, the old Waco-based precursor to TCU.  Said burning prompted officials to move the school to FOrt Worth where it became TCU.  On second thought, perhaps we should thank them profusely for that.  Also entirely possibly yet not proven is ex-Texas Governor and Baylor Alumnus Ann Richards' influence in getting her alma mater into the Big 12 over TCU when the SWC dissolved.  Conspiracy theorists suggest that the Richards' rumors are overblown, but the name Bob Bullock probably leaves just as sour of a taste in the mouths of TCU fans for the same reasons.  Bullock was the Lt. Governor under Richards and supposedly make it clear in no uncertain terms that aggy and UT weren't going anywhere without Baylor, and that was that.  Say what you will, but had there been two Frogs in control of the state legislature, things might've been different.  But, would you really want to have traded places with Baylor these past 2 decades?  Me Either.

Famous Ex-Bears:
  • Griffin, the next great Washington Redskins QB to have his career simultaneously destroyed by Mike Shanahan and Dan Snyder.  I almost feel bad for the kid.  Almost.
  • Mike Singletary.  As Head Coach of the 49ers he one time pulled his pants down in the locker room to make a point.  That point?  No one knows.  He was ultimately a failure and was fired soon after.  MYSTERIOUS.
  • Hayden Fry.  Meh.
  • TCU.  I think I covered the bases above.  Seriously, so glad that thing is about to get lopsided to the good, and in a hurry.
  • They claim Texas, Tech and aggy as rivals... somehow I doubt the feeling is mutual.  Texas has beaten Baylor 71 of the 100 times they have played.  That's masochistic.
Recent History:  It really begins and ends with 2011.  Oh sure, 2010 resulted in their first bowl berth since the Southwest Conference, but 2011 is the only one anyone is going to remember.  And that's a good thing because memories will be all they have when they're playing POGS with Kansas for second to last in the Conference for the next century.  Since the Big 12 was started 16 seasons ago, Baylor has finished dead last 7 times, second to last four more times and in 2011, their best season ever as a member, they finished 3rd.  That's just not very good.

2012 Outlook:  Is Robert Griffin on the roster?  No?  Well then, back to the cellar with ye!  At least Charlie Weis will have some fresh meat to dine on when he's trapped in the Conference cellar.

Miscellaneous:  Man, I really hate Baylor.  Also, I urge you to use the picture in picture feature on to watch Baylor become the third Texas team to lose their regional this evening simultaneously with TCU emerging from College Station victorious.

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