Friday, June 22, 2012

Big 12 Orientation: UT-Austin's famous alumni

When you're awarding more than 10,000 degrees every year, you're bound to have a few famous faces among your former students. Here are a few of the more familiar Longhorns:

Tom Hicks- He made his money the Mitt Romney way, but Hicks will always be remembered for somehow being a worse sports franchise owner than Jerry the same town, no less!  Seriously, $65 million for Chan Ho Park?

Matthew McConaughey- What's so funny about McConaughey's brilliant breakout role of Wooderson in Dazed and Confused is that the actor himself appears to have completely missed the point.  Wooderson was a fucking loser, and so is McConaughey for basing his real-life persona on him. 

Lena Guerrero- Guerrero, who is no longer with us, was at one time seen as quite the trailblazer in Texas politics.  In 1984, she was elected to the Texas House of Representatives at age 25.  Seven years later, she became the first woman and first ethnic minority to be selected to serve on the ultra-powerful Texas Railroad Commission when she received the appointment of then-governor Ann Richards.  When it came time for voters to prolong her term, though, it was revealed that she had never- as she claimed- actually graduated from UT-Austin.  Whoops!

 Charles Whitman- Eagle Scout, Marine, UT-Austin student.  Murdered his wife and mother before going all Columbine from the top of the UT-Austin tower. 

Robert Rodriguez- In the '90s, Rodriguez was a big up & coming director after his career started off with movies like El Mariachi, Desperado and From Dusk 'Til Dawn?  Now he's made FOUR Spy Kids movies, the epically-underwhelming Sin City and something called The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl in 3D.  Such a visionary...

Renee Zellweger-  Remember when your Mom used to tell you to stop making that face because it might stick that way?  Zellweger is proof she was right. 

Janis Joplin- She probably should've used some of that heroin money on a hair brush.


Chet Steadman said...

Alright Alright Alright! Talk about peaking early...

Sir Wesley Willis said...

Sin City was great... and by Sin City was great I mean, "the part in Sin City where the girl from Son in Law got nekkid was great"