Rivalries are the lifeblood of sport. Rivalries are why you hate someone you have never even met just because they wear a different shirt than you do and its TOTALLY logical. Rivalries are why we look at the TCU schedule, see that we play SMU, Tech and Baylor in succession, and stock up on blood pressure medicine like hibernating bears. Rivalries, and the hate derived therein, are why the 49ers and the Raiders are no longer able to play each other in a pre-season matchup, because their fans might literally murder one another.
But I think - and we are all certainly biased - that NCAA rivalries are the best that there are. You can love your NBA or NFL team, but you're never truly part of it like you are your college team. Embracing a pro sports team knows no loyalty as proximity only sometimes plays a role - just look at the rooting interests of one LeBron James. But when you choose a college team, you choose that team for the rest of your life. Seemingly normal families have holidays weekends ruined because of an Auburn-Alabama game. There probably aren't many doing the same over Lakers/Clippers.
And when you think of the great college rivalries, what immediately comes to mind? HATE. Auburn/Alabama: HATE! UT/OU: HATE! Kansas/Missouri? Probably doesn't spring to mind, but it should because Mizzou fans openly celebrate their ancestors murdering the shit out of a bunch of Kansasans back in the 1800s as a basis for the rivalry. A rivalry emphasizing real life events related to the murdering of citizens in said rival's town? That's some good hate right there.
But even the most "storied" rivalries can have their warts. Take what's going on between Urban Meyer and Brady Hoke at Michigan and Ohio State. Both men BLEED their school's colors-Hoke because he played for the Wolverines and Meyer because he grew up in the region and was a T shirt fan. So you would expect them to be a little more passionate about the "Michigan Man" bullshit and whatever it is to be a true Buckeye than your average mercenary head man. So what do they do, what big, bold statements do they make? Brady Hoke only refers to OSU as "ohio" and Meyer only refers to Michigan as "that school up north." That's it, that's their answer, that's their version of hate. And that pretty much kills that rivalry's significance for me. That's all you got, guys? No stereotypes? No hate speech? We're REALLY supposed to believe not mentioning either school by name is supposed to serve some kind of a big statement?
So this got me to thinking, and I realized that, while probably the most notable, these two are by no means the only offenders. Heck, in our own region we have A&M and their refusal to call Texas by anything other than tu. WE REVERSED YOUR ORDER AND REFUSE TO CAPITALIZE IT, BUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRNNNNNNNN!!!! SMU folks, hardly alone in this particular strategy, actually have license plates reading "TCUWHO" and have sunk to the low point of printing up "TCU SUCKS" shirts for wide distribution. That is, when they aren't putting said money up their nose. Heck, some folks at Texas Tech claim that they have a statue of a horse on their campus, the direction of which causes its ass to face College Station which, if true, probably takes the prize as lamest insult of all time.
In other words, for every Auburn/Alabama tree-killin' hate fest, there's a dog worshipper waiting in the wings ready to zing you with some abbreviation transposin'.
So your discussion question is: What are the gayest college rivalries and traditions you can think of for us to poop on? Merry Friday.