Probably what several of our readers will look like when the 4th quarter rolls around...
I'm sure plenty of the degenerates who read this site would love an excuse to get fitshaced on a Monday night, especially with this dumpy weather that seems to have most of Texas covered, and what better excuse than a national championship game that has the potential to have a final score that looks like a soccer match? So, let me be all of your enablers and attempt to create our very own drinking game for tonight's game. As usual, feel free to throw any other ideas/ways to get blindingly drunk on a Monday into the comments section...
- Any references to Hurricane Katrina or BP...drink 5 seconds.
- Oklahoma State mentions...drink 5.
- T. Boone Pickens mentions...finish your drink.
- Any outside shots of the French Quarter...drink 5.
- Comments about Jordan Jefferson's face kicking preseason bar fight...Drink 10 seconds, then punch your nearest friend.
- Anytime Les Miles is called "The Mad Hatter"...drink 5.
- If Les Miles tries to eat any of the artificial Superdome grass...Finish your drink.
- Defense/Special Teams touchdown...Shotgun a beer.
- Any points other than a field goal...drink 10.
- Brent Musburger references to either the Over/Under or the point spread...drink 10.
- Any siting of a hot chick in a houndstooth fedora...drink 5 (there will probably be a lot of them.)
- Harvey Updyke, the infamous Toomer's trees poisoner, reference...finish your drink then yell "Roll Damn Tide!"
- Musburger saying "Honey Badger"...drink 5.
- Any shots of Tyran Matthieu's nasty yellow hairdo...drink 10.
- If the camera finds Nick Saban smiling at any point during the game...shotgun your beer, load up another, and shotgun it as well. If he smiles after the game...shotgun 1 beer.
Last but not least, if you're feeling really adventurous, finish your drink every time you see the "Bama bangs" haircut, AKA the Frat Flop or The Georgia Swoop.
Hope everyone enjoys themselves tonight, and we currently are working with the Spitblood lawyers to make sure we are not legally responsible if any of you drunks get alcohol poisoning tonight. Remember, the game is in New Orleans, so just pretend you're there for one evening, and then enjoy work in the morning...