Thursday, November 17, 2011

Oh No!!! We went winless in... Oh, wait... nevermind

You know what would be fun to watch? Casey Pachall  slinging football missiles at broom riding nerds.

Yeah, I know, this is stupid as hell and has already been covered in a general sense, but felt the need to mock this "news" anyway.

Somebody paid money to send the TCU Quidditch Club to New York City, where presumably the City That Never Sleeps has gone insane from lack of REM sleep and felt the need to be entertained by weirdos with a ridiculous agenda that aren't trying to occupy anything other than a boom handle. There, the Magical Horned Frogs competed in the 2011 Quidditch World Cup.

And they took sucktitude to a whole new level. They went winless. They lost to a wide variety of schools... the "I can't believe the S-E-C! S-E-C! S-E-C! allows this sport at one of their schools" LSU Tigers, the "One of these players might be president one day" Harvard Crimson, the "We're from Canada, eh!" Carleton Ravens, and something called Jetpack Ninja Dinosaurs from Colorado (I shit you not).

This thing is much bigger than I thought. There is an honest to goodness "International Quidditch Association" (IQA) with such already mockworthy members such as Ohio State, Penn State, Texas A&M, Texas Tech, Florida, Virginia Tech, USC, and Utah just to name a few. Of course, some school called Middlebury in Vermont has won every World Cup since the thing started in 2007. They must be damned proud to be the undisputed heavyweight Quidditch champions of the world (although there is no mention of it on their Wikipedia site).

I wonder if at sometime in the future, we'll have a league of glitter covered vampires fight shirtless werewolves.

At any rate, it makes our soccer team look positively awesome.

If anybody would like to infiltrate the Quidditch team for sheer amusement, they have a boring as poop website.

Horned Frogs Ballers in Action this Weekend.

It was either this, or "Bananas and Blow" by Ween.
You can thank me later, administration.

It's me again, your resident spitblood basketball blogger who accidentally misspelled the common name of Cheick Cone and, as a result, doesn't know shit about TCU Basketball. You guys' standards, they're harsh. But, someone has to carry the annual "yaaaaay TCU Basketball is good aga... no wait, jk!!" torch this year and, for a third or fourth or fifth or 10th consecutive season, it's gonna be me. I suggest getting your kicks now because, with history as our guide, it's only downhill from here.

This weekend the Frogs will finally get a look at some formidable competition as they travel to beautiful St. Thomas for the U.S. Virgin Islands Paradise Jam. You have to say this for Jim Christian - he's hooked us up nicely with these early season tournaments, although the results haven't been pretty. Looking at the schedule it appears this is basically the 2012 Big East of College Basketball tournaments in the sense that, much like that league will basically be, "Will Boise have the auto bid locked up by October or November?" every year, the only interesting thing about this tournament will be seeing how one-sidedly ex-future Conference mate Marquette will win the championship game. Early season unfounded basketball opinions based solely on Conference affiliation and current ranking, I has them.

But you don't care about any of that, do you? All you care about are the Frogs! As the 4 of you reading this post probably know, TCU starts things off tomorrow afternoon at 5:00PM against the ACC's Virginia Cavaliers. Virginia is one of those teams, like TCU, who experienced some success in the mid 90s before taking a nosedive for the next decade plus. Also like TCU, the Cavaliers come to St. Thomas sporting a 2-0 record thanks entirely to the capturing of pelts from crippled foes, although they did beat a Winthrop team that made the Dance a few years back. Believe it or not, though, the matchups may actually favor the Frogs.

It's here that I should place the disclaimer that we're using stats from TWO games for each team and that the teams really cannot be compared this way, but it's what we have so deal with it, naysayers.

The teams are fairly equal in size, but TCU enters the game ranked 6th in the nation in assists, 24th in average points scored and 11th in field goal percentage. So I guess we should be ranked, huh? Neither team rebounds particularly well, with the Cavs holding a 2 boards per game advantage over the Frogs, but the Frogs out-rebounded the Austin College Kangaroos, which must be a feat since Kangaroos are known for jumping really high. However, TCU boasts four players averaging double figures- Gerald Green, JD Cabot, Hamlet Field and Eldrick McKinney -to UVA's three. So yeah, basically UVA is TOTALLY screwed.

Furthering the screwing? The Frogs' Craig Thompson actually hails from the Virgin Islands! That has to count for something, right? When you add in Cabot and Kyle Butler, who also made their way to the mainland via their Caribbean based homes, I'll be absolutely SHOCKED if UVA even gets off the plane. It's THAT much of a mismatch on paper.

So once the Frogs roll the Cavs, following their day off to buy curious under-price blood diamonds and fake Rolexes, they'll take on the winner of the other other game of the century between Norfolk State and Drexel, respectively representing the MEAC and Colonial leagues. Think you've heard of either of these schools before? Well, let me stop you right there - you haven't, unless you really got into Virginia Commonwealth's magical run to the Final Four last year and watched footage from their regular season games on ESPN3. And I'm not actually sure the MEAC even exists or that Norfolk is a state. However, I'm giving the edge to Drexel because they just SOUND more like a winner.

So, let's presume we Austin College our opponent in the next round. Then what? Believe it or not, we'll be in perhaps the biggest regular season basketball game of Jim Christian's tenure when we face the winner of the OTHER bracket in the Championship bout. But, sorry Ole Miss, Drake and the aforementioned Winthrop, but it's totally going to be Marquette. That is, it's going to be Marquette unless they get stuck in their cabanas living on bananas and blow ok I'll post the song.

So how is TCU going to beat Marquette? TRICK QUESTION - they won't. But hey, wouldn't it be great if they did? This is the beautiful thing about TCU Basketball - win, place or show in a meaningless, third tier Conference Tournament is like winning the whole damn thing for a real basketball school. We may get to a higher level eventually, but unless you want to be violently disappointed, I'd calibrate your expectations according to that outline.

*For those of you wanting a more "factual" preview of the tournament, I recommend the version, or perhaps erstwhile SB collaborator Alex Apple will have something to say about it over at his new shiny digs on Menace.

**You see what happens when you nay say a stranger's post in the ass, Larry?

This Weekend's Games of Interest

Boise State (8-1) at San Diego State (6-3) ~ 7:00pm Saturday on CBS College
-Suddenly sans milkshake, Donkey heads to the beach to unwind this weekend. I'll actually be interested to see how Casey Affleck & company bounce back from their defeat- will they revert back to their usual winning form and dominate the Aztecs, or will they still be hungover on their homemade potato liquor and stumble to another loss? Will their kicker even be allowed on the team plane? SDSU can be dangerous, but Ronnie Hillman is questionable to play in this one.

UNLV (2-7) at Air Force (5-5) ~ 5:00pm Saturday on The Mtn
-The folks at UNLV gave head coach Bobby Hauck a two-year contract extension back on September 8th. He was 2-12 at the time, and has gone 2-6 since...including a loss to New Mexico last week. I need a job where I can earn $350,000 a year with that kind of success rate! Because the fly-boys from Air Force played two FCS teams earlier in the year, they actually still need two more victories to reach bowl eligibility- something Frog fans ought to be cheering for because it could open up more potential bowl destinations.

New Mexico (1-9) at Wyoming (6-3) ~ 1:00pm Saturday on The Mtn
-It's Senior Day for Doo-Doo Brown, who'll be looking to strengthen their resume for bowl suitors against the Lobos- who come into Laramie sporting a fancy new one-game win streak! UNM football is about to get a lot more excited though, as they've just hired Bob Davie to take over their program- the former Notre Dame head coach and Texas A&M assistZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

TCU non-conference opponents:

SMU (6-4) at Houston (10-0) ~ 2:30pm Saturday on FSN
-I know we're supposed to be cheering against Cougar High, but I'm not sure a loss against SMU would have quite the impact we're looking for...especially since, you know, the Frogs also lost to SMU (frusharusharusha). Even with a loss this weekend- they could still come back to beat Tulsa, beat Southern Miss and snag that BCS spot. I'm just trying to rationalize a way that I don't have to cheer for SMU.

BYU (7-3) vs New Mexico State (4-6) ~ 9:15pm Saturday on ESPNU
-Wow, look at what exotic scheduling opportunities have arisen for BYU after they so boldly acted like children and pouted their way out of the Mountain West (not that I'm blaming them now- thanks for contributing to us getting into the Big 12, ya loonies!). Their reward for what will probably end up being a 9-3 season? A trip to the Armed Forces Bowl in University Park, which I'm pretty sure has an ordinance against door-to-door soul-stealing.

Portland State (7-3) vs Weber State (4-6) ~ 3:00pm Saturday
-The Vikings are looking to close out their 2011 season with five straight victories, and they'll do so at home against a middle-of-the-pack Weber State squad. Remember Weber State? Perhaps this montage set to the biggest cliche montage song ever will remind you.

Louisiana Monroe (3-7) vs. Florida International (2-6) ~ 4:00pm Saturday
-Jyruss Edwards' 191-yard rushing afternoon helped the Warhawks break a three-game slide last week in a blow out win over Middle Tennessee State. On Senior Day in Monroe, they'll look to finish strong against an already bowl-eligible squad from FIU.

Oklahoma State (10-0) at Iowa State (5-4) ~ 7:00pm Friday on ESPN
-You heard it here first: watch out for the Cyclones in this one! They've had a week off to prepare for OSU, they'll be desperate for a win (they need one to reach bowl eligibility but have a tough remaining slate) and the Cowboys may be looking ahead to Bedlam. Expect to hear Rod Gilmore lobbying for his one-loss Stanford Cardinal quite a bit, and possibly also going out of his way to denigrate TCU- that's his specialty!

Kansas (2-8) at Texas A&M (5-5) ~ 11:00am Saturday on FSN
-KU almost beat Baylor last week, do you think Turner Gill can rally the troops for another upset bid in College Station this weekend? Probably not, but even if the Jayhawks can keep it close for a little while, I'll be laughing at the further destruction of aggy's "Dream Season".

Texas Tech (5-5) at Missouri (5-5) ~ 2:30pm Saturday on ABC
-The only reason I can figure out that this game would be on ABC is because most of the nation, like me, is wondering just how in the Z the Red Raiders beat OU. Since that win in Norman, they've been outscored 159-33 in consecutive losses to Iowa State, Texas and Oklahoma State. With just two games remaining, Tech's 11-year bowl streak is in serious jeopardy.

Oklahoma (8-1) at Baylor (6-3) ~ 7:00pm Saturday on ABC
-I'm conflicted here. A win by Baylor makes our loss to them not look quite so bad, but the Bears are just three spots behind the Frogs in the BCS standings. I guess we want Baylor to lose, but keep it close?

Kansas State (8-2) at Texas (6-3) ~ 7:00pm Saturday on FX
-Would a K-State loss here (they're ranked #13 in the BCS) drop them behind the Frogs? Would a win by Texas (they're currently #23) push them up ahead of TCU? Who am I, Brad Edwards (and did Sir Wesley use that exact line in his post yesterday?)? I'm not sure of the answers to those questions, but if the Longhorns can't get at least one of their top RBs back healthy, this one might not even be close.

Frogs For the Cure.

Watch this. Prove you all aren't entirely heartless.

Rather than give my own commentary and inadvertently add snark, I'll just let TCU's External Relations Associate Ann Louden spin it:

As many of you know, BB Ann Louden chairs TCU's Frogs for the Cure effort to support Komen for the Cure.

This year she conceived and organized a 1500 person flash mob dance that included survivors, campus and community groups

and guests like Mark Cuban. The halftime show of the TCU game at Cowboys Stadium last Friday night was the debut for the video

and many of you were on the field at halftime for the fun.

Now comes Ann's favor request: please ask your family, friends, and especially groups to view the video and share it.

TCU needs 100,000 views in short order to get back in front of the Today Show producers. To have the story told nationally

will speak volumes about TCU’s community involvement and the ways the University engages students in important causes

to benefit the public good. The link to the video is

Ann appreciates your spreading the word!

PS Just so you can appreciate the layers of work that went into the video, there were 75 groups dancing with 22 celebrities

filmed by 17 videographers which produced 64 HOURS of footage!

So watch it a few times. It'll help fight breast cancer and make TCU more popular at the same time.

Players to Watch: Colorado State Rams

It's Thursday morning and I'm finally starting to come down from my Boise high and ready to focus on the rest of the season now. Okay, so not really, but I'll give it my best shot. As is the case with many of our mediocre MWC opponents, I'm not too familiar with the Colorado State roster and haven't seen them play much. I'm sorry, I don't sit around on Saturday afternoons and watch low-definition games with no instant replay on The Mtn. Seriously, I'd rather subject myself to BYU-TV for 24 hours straight than a CSU/UNLV battle on The Mtn, and the picture quality would probably be way better. Not to mention it'd probably be funnier. So I'll try my best, kind of, to list off a couple players to watch for Saturday afternoon's game.

Offense: WR Lou Greenwood (Jr. 6' 181, #1)

Okay, so that's not Lou Greenwood. That's American bad ass Lee Greenwood, the man whose lyrics have been mimicked by every redneck in America at a karaoke bar at some point in their lives. Lou, not Lee, Greenwood is a junior from Conroe, TX, and yes, the main reason he's the player to watch this week is because of the obvious comparison we can make the the King of The 4th of July, but he's actually putting together a pretty good year. He's hauled in 23 catches for 337 yards, averaging 14.7 yards per catch, and 2 TD's, good for second on the team. He's also carried the ball 6 times for a net of -3 yards, so let's not exactly consider this proud American a rushing threat. He does appear to be their big play receiver though. His 14.7 yards per catch is second on the team, behind only a friend of friends of spitblood, RS Freshman WR Thomas Coffman, who has only 7 catches on the year but has totaled 200 yards, good for an astounding 28.6 yards per catch. Let's hope our corners don't lose these two guys deep, because they've clearly got some big-play ability.

Defense: CB Momo (no typo) Thomas (Jr. 5'9 183, #5)

Congrats, Momo. You've drawn the unenviable task of defending the great Josh Boyce Saturday afternoon. I'm sure you've watched plenty of Boise State game film and are thinking "ohhhh shit" and have had to change your undies several times already. After seeing Fuenderson and Pachall's offensive philosophy change to "F it. Let's go deep" last week, I don't expect things to change. It's safe to say that our offense was fairly efficient with that approach, so if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Momo has 2 interceptions on the year, a forced fumble and a fumble recovery, so he's putting together a pretty nice season, but after perusing their schedule it's safe to say he hasn't seen a combination as deadly as Pachall to Boyce (that's right, Kellen Moore and Tyler Shoemaker, I said it). Of course, the frightening task of covering Boyce could fall into the lap of sophomore Shaq Bell (no relation to O'Neal that I'm aware of), but that just means you get a chance to line up against our new found weapon and complete burner Brandon Carter, who is so dirty that he causes DB's to pull hammies while chasing him. Good luck, guys. Maybe we'll be nice this week and just run it down your throats with the running backs, who should be well rested after last week's game. However, I want to see the air-it-out attack again and watch DB's look silly.

Morning Dump

TCU-Colorado State preview CBS Sports

Patterson holds weekly presser

Freshman's hit caused game-changing Boise fumble Star-Telegram

Lady Frogs look to climb above .500 at SMU Star-Telegram

TCU men tip off Paradise Jam Friday vs. UVA

Athletic Department:

Chris Del Conte's Notes on a Scorecard