Thursday, September 22, 2011

Craig James Is Racist

Let's take a quick break from all this conference realignment hysteria and focus on what's really important:

Craig James is racist AND killed 5 hookers while at SMU.

With roughly 2:18 left on the clock in the first half of tonight's NCAA tackle ball game between NC State and Sin-sah-netti, Craig James attempts to impersonate Freshman DT, T.Y. McGill.

Hey Craig - You is not kind, you is not smart, and you is not important. But you is racist.

Sorry if my phone is shaking during filming but I was in fetal alcohol position in the dark, alone, on the floor, sucking my thumb thanks to the last five days and the fear of the unknown.

Conference Realignment, Lord of the Flies Style

Anyone else tired of watching “distinguished” and “intellectual” college academias reenact William Golding’s classic with our college football lives at stake?

Disciples of GP: I’m done with caring about this and you should be to- here’s why.

You have no idea what’s going to happen
CFB realignment talk probably set an internet traffic record leading up to Pitt and Syracuse leaving, and guess what, not one of you (yes, you the entire world wide web) predicted that would happen in all 1,000,000,000,000 different realignment scenarios that were banded about endlessly. If anyone in the comments writes one more “here’s what’s going to happen,” or offers up what they think should happen, or feels compelled to throw out their own “dream” realignment scenario complete with make believe conferences pulled from the very ass on which they sit….well they can rot in internet hell because I can’t take anymore of this “speculating.”

Pitt and Syracuse have RUINED the Big East (sarcasm)
Here’s 6 teams, rank them in order of which ones you give a shit about

Air Force

Look, I get that it’s really bad for our Big East move according to everything you read…..but we’re talking about Pittsburg and Syracuse- it’s not like we’re talking about losing Nebraska and A&M. I also get that the ACC probably isn’t lining up to take a service academy or Houston so obviously they’re not as attractive in TV/money terms but from a pure football perspective from someone who lives in Texas- I don’t know/care what cities Pittsburg and Syracuse are even in.

Which leads me to A&M and NEB
These guys are sipping Coronas on the beach. You can’t even imagine how happy they are to be done with that cancer down in Austin. I know this isn’t UT’s fault- someone else ran off two of the most tradition rich programs in the sport…probably Baylor. I think I prefer the Sunbelt to being on my knees in the UT 9 (I’ll be the first to admit my hatred of them could cloud judgment). This really does feel like the Titanic- you have the Captain (UT) staying on board w/ the rats and poor people (Tetch, Iowa St, Baylor) while all the rich elitists (ATM and Nebraska) enjoy the violin music from their cushy life rafts. I’d rather go rescue Kate Winslet in the ol’ “sex-for-a-spot-in-the-life-raft” trade then painfully freeze to death with Leonardo DiCaprio.

Our worst case is winning the Rose Bowl and finishing #2 in the country
OMG we’re not going to be in a BCS conference….OMG…OMG this non-BCS life is terrifying, how are we going to survive? I get that coming from Baylor and Iowa St. but TCU? REALLY??? For the Baylor’s, Tech’s, Iowa St (basically anybody in the Big 12 not named UT or OU) this has got to be just terrifying and let’s admit it….downright degrading…even though (for some) if they did lose AQ status it might end up being the best thing that ever happened to them….which leads me to TCU. It’s very hard to know where we’d be today if we weren’t left out of the Big 12/SWC realignment. You could argue it either way, but I will say few schools have enjoyed their college football ride the last few years like we have…think about it- how many teams would you trade places with? There’s 126 teams in college football, where would you slot TCU? Would you trade the last few years to go back in time and be in the Big 12?

Look, we haven’t played a single season in a BCS conference and we’ve done just fine. Our worst case is we end up in some conference with a little more high profile teams/better opponents than we previously had. In the meantime, let’s just place our trust in G M-Fing P, and C “Best Dressed MF-er in the Room” DC.

Conference Realignment Pictures:

Dan Beebe

Some would say comparing Dan Beebe to Joseph Goebbels is inappropriate, especially since that’d make DeLoss Dodds Hitler…those people don't know shit about college football.

G M-Fing P
Does he look worried? He's smiling....and he never smiles.

C “Best Dressed MF-er in the Room” DC (or CBDMFITRDC)

This guy is smoother than medicated cotton, you don’t think he’s on top of this?

A&M and Nebraska are drinking the coronas. We’re the hot chick in the bikini relaxing in the hammock. Contrary to popular belief, they have not fucked us. So relax and enjoy that comfy hammock on this super badass island and while you’re at it get you mind right because on Saturday this guy and his friends are coming to Cowtown.

Say what now?

Chip Brown, the writer who has made a name for himself throwing out rumors based on his conversations with "sources", is now talking up the Frogs as a candidate to join the Big 12. No need to get your hopes up just yet, but it's certainly better to have positive rumors out there as opposed to so many of the negative stuff we've heard in regards to TCU's situation over the past few months and years.

It's Never Sunny in Cincinnati.

Before the season, the Cincinnati Bengals were commonly viewed as the team most likely to finish 0-16 and there was already brief chatter regarding their being eligible for "Andrew Luck Sweepstakes." And while I suppose there's still potential for them to be in that running, if they do wind up with that top spot, Luck could get the Aaron Rodgers treatment in the green room, for at least a few moments. Yes, Andy Dalton is 1-1 as an NFL starter and is a 4th down conversion from being 2-0. In fact, had it not been for Cam Newton pulling down the pants of Arizona and Green Bay these past two weeks, he might be mentioned in early ROY discussions. Fortunately, the team and city seem to have taken notice and Dalton has quickly turned into the leader we became accustomed to these past few seasons, at least according to resident report on all things Cincy, Paul Daugherty. No one is predicting division titles and Super Bowls just yet, but with the Pittsburgh Steelers aging, the Baltimore Ravens playing schizo ball, and the Bengals already having an edge on the Colt McCoys, it's not out of the realm of possibilities that this young Bengals team could be the future of the AFC North.

Except for one small problem...

They're still the Bengals, and the Bengals still have players that do shit like this. And all this time I kinda hoped that with Cedric Benson serving his time in jail where he belongs, and the cutting of TO and Ocho, capped off by the arrival of a good guy, perhaps the Bengals were turning the page on their troubled past.

If you didn't click to link, let's just say Dalton's current 66% completion percentage could take a serious hit with the news that leading receiver Jerome Simpson, he of the 8 receptions and 180 yards, has been implicated in a possible marijuana distribution operation. "How did he become implicated," you ask? Why, by doing the sensible thing and having 2.5 pounds MAILED!!!!! to his house in northern Kentucky. MAILED. There's dumb, and then there's, "Hey, will you mail me illegal drugs plz? kthxbai!" dumb, and clearly Simpson is it, although it should be noted that reserve Left Tackle was also taken into custody.

But, you ask, "1.5 pounds? That doesn't sound like THAT much? Maybe dude just REALLY likes to get high and wanted to make sure his supply didn't dry up? I mean, when you've got a direct pipeline to that California sticky icky icky, you've gotta exploit that shit while it's still live How can they automatically make the conclusion that trafficking is involved?" And, to be honest, I'm with you. I think it's unfair to assume that because an NFL player has marijuana mailed to his house that he's trying to turn a profit.

Wait, what's that? The cops found SIX MORE POUNDS!!! when they entered Simpson's house? That's like an entire baby's worth of marijuana.

Sorry, Andy.

This Weekend's Games of Interest

Boise State (2-0) vs. Tulsa (1-2) ~ 7:00pm Saturday on CBS-College
-This game will serve as a measuring stick for the Broncos. Sandwiched around a 31-3 win over Tulane, Tulsa has fallen victim to two of the premiere offenses in the country- Oklahoma (who scored 47 points and tallied 663 total yards) and Oklahoma State (59 points, 543 total yards)- so look for Kellen Moore & company to light it up in this rare Saturday home game on the blue turf. Tulsa will struggle to keep up, as QB G.J. Kinne is questionable for the game with a knee injury.

San Diego State (3-0) at Michigan (3-0) ~ 11:00am Saturday on the Big Ten Network
-In their last test before TCU comes to town in two weeks, the Aztecs take on their former coach, Brady Hoke, who is now in charge in Ann Arbor. Expect SDSU to rely heavily on Ronnie Hillman, who carried the ball 32 times for 191 yards and 4 TDs in their 42-24 win over Washington State last week.

Wyoming (3-0) vs. Nebraska (3-0) ~ 6:00pm Saturday on Versus
-Kudos to Wyoming athletic director Tom Burman, who somehow got Texas to visit Laramie in 2009 and now has convinced the Cornhuskers to come play the Cowboys at home. Doo-Doo Brown is off to their first 3-0 start since 1996, but facing the #9 team in the country will be a much stiffer test than the two FCS schools and MAC team that they've faced thus far.

Colorado State (2-1) at Utah State (1-1) ~ 7:00pm Saturday on
-CSU has usually been a running team under Steve Fairchild, but the Rams only mustered 67 yards on the ground (and just 243 total yards) against in-state rival Colorado last week in a 28-14 loss. Utah State, led by true freshman (and native Texan) Chuckie Keeton, bounced back from their near-upset at Auburn by trouncing Weber State, 54-17.

Air Force (1-1) vs. Tennessee State (1-2) ~ 2:00pm Saturday on The Mtn
-The Falcons, coming off a bye-week, will be looking to regroup from the home loss to TCU as they host the Tigers of Tennessee State this weekend. TSU has given up 93 points in the past two weeks in losses to Jackson State and Murray State, so Air Force should roll.

UNLV (1-2) vs. Southern Utah (2-1) ~ 8:00pm Saturday on The Mtn
-Two weeks in a row, I've been completely wrong about UNLV. Two weeks ago, I figured they had an outside shot to upset Washington State and they lost, 59-7. Then last week, I figured they'd have a real tough time containing Hawaii's offense, especially QB Bryant Moniz- and they won, 40-20, with Moniz ending the game with -28 yards rushing. Oops.

New Mexico (0-3) vs. Sam Houston State (2-0) ~ 5:00pm Saturday
-Mike Locksley, who makes $750K a year, is now 2-25 in his career at UNM. Where do I sign up to get paid that much to do such a shitty job? We'll see if they can break into the win column against the FCS Bearkats (sic), who are led by sophomore running back Tim Flanders.

TCU non-conference opponents:

Baylor (2-0) vs Rice (1-1) ~ 6:00pm Saturday on Fox Sports Southwest
-Robert Griffin followed up his performance against the Frogs by going 20-of-22 for 265 yards and 3 TDs as Baylor beat up on SFA, three quarters last week before the game was called due to lightning. The Owls are coming off a bye week but beat Purdue two weeks ago.

SMU (2-1) at Memphis (1-2) ~ 11:00am Saturday on Fox Sports Southwest
-So far this year, the Mustangs have overcome inconsistent play by quarterbacks JJ McDermott and Kyle Padron with the outstanding play of running back Zach Line, who has already rushed for 327 yards and 8 TDs this year. about as bad as New Mexico this year (their one win came against Austin Peay, whom Cincinnati scored 72 against), so expect the Ponies to be 3-1 coming to Fort Worth next weekend.

BYU (1-2) vs. Central Florida (2-1) ~ 7:00pm Friday on ESPN
-The Cougars jumped out to a 10-7 lead over Utah in the first ever non-conference Holy War last week...and then gave up 47 unanswered points in a 54-10 loss. BYU managed just 11 rushing yards for the game and committed 7 turnovers. UCF is coming off a 17-10 loss to upstart Florida International last week.

Louisiana-Monroe (1-2) at Iowa (2-1) ~ 11:00am Saturday on The Big Ten Network
-I'm not expecting the Warhawks to go into Kinnick Stadium and upset the Hawkeyes, but it sure would be nice to see them put some points on the board against a Big Ten team, wouldn't it? Also, I fully realize that I've listed TWO games as being on The Big Ten Network at the same time (11am) on Saturday, but that's what the internetz tells me.

Cincinnati (2-1) vs NC State (2-1) ~ 7:00pm tonight on ESPN
-There hasn't been a close game yet for the 2011 Bearcats (blowout wins over Austin Peay & Akron sandwiched around a big loss at Tennessee), so perhaps the charm of being on national TV tonight will make for a good one as they host the Wolfpack.

West Virginia (3-0) vs. LSU (3-0) ~ 7:00pm Saturday on ABC
-The good folks at Disney decided, even with the big A&M-Okie State game going on down in College Station, that they just had to showcase the two rowdiest fanbases in the country going up against each other. Game Day will be in Morgantown for the first time ever, and the overrated combo of Brent Musberger and Kirk Herbstreit will be calling this one as it goes out over the air (and not on cable) to the entire country. This is a big'un- not just for the Mountaineers, but for the entire Big East.

South Florida (3-0) vs. UTEP (2-1) ~ 6:00pm Saturday on
-The Bulls haven't been coasting off their Week 1 win in South Bend, as they've outscored Ball State and Florida A&M by a combined score of 107-24 in the past two weeks. Junior QB B.J. Daniels is having an outstanding season so far, connecting on 67% of his passes for 867 yards and 6 TDs/1 INT.

Dead-to-me Pitt (2-1) vs. Notre Dame (1-2) ~ 11:00am Saturday on ABC
-There is a rumor that Pitt and Syracuse won't be allowed to officially join the ACC until the 2014 season, in which case we should probably be cheering for them for the time being...but fuck those guys, right?

Dead-to-me Syracuse (2-1) vs. Toledo (1-2) ~ 11:00am Saturday on
-Again, a win for Syracuse is probably good for TCU in terms of BCS computer calculations for the next few years. But still, Go Rockets.

Rutgers (1-1) vs. Ohio (3-0) ~ 1:00pm Saturday on
-Two games into the season, and Rutgers has just 138 total rushing yards as a team. They'll need to find a ground game in a hurry, because the pesky Frank Solich-coached Bobcats pose a real threat to upset them this weekend.

UConn (1-2) at Buffalo (1-2) ~ 6:00pm Saturday on
-The Huskies are probably better than their 1-2 record after dropping consecutive heart breakers to Vanderbilt and Iowa State. Junior Jonny McEntee has taken a majority of the snaps at QB so far, but they need him to really take the job over this weekend against Buffalo.

Louisville (2-1) is idle this week after beating arch rival Kentucky last week, 24-17. They'll host the Thundering Herd of Marshall next week.

John Denton hits the nail on the head

John Denton, the color analyst on the TCU radio broadcasts, apparently had some thoughts on the performance he witnessed in the game against ULM....the performance of the fans. I kind of felt like ranting about it afterward, but I probably wouldn't have put it quite as well as he did:

Extra Points with John Denton: When it's game day, it's about the Frogs

Let's all do better this weekend.

Morning Dump


You can watch TCU-Portland State online for $12.95

#20 TCU welcomes FCS foe Portland State to Fort Worth Los Angeles Times

Gary Patterson Show 6:00pm tonight @ The Railhead, live on 92.1 & 88.7 FM

Conference realignment nonsense:

TCU plans to stick with Big East move Star-Telegram

The Big 12 should go after TCU Kansas City Star

MWC hoping TCU will decide to stay ESPN