Thursday, July 7, 2011

Graham Watson- You Suck.

Graham Watson on the right. A more than likely drunk or severely hungover Ivan Maisel on the left.

Since football season ended, I haven't expressed much hate (mainly just baseball disappointment), but our old friend, disgraced ESPN Non-AQ blog bitch Graham Watson has finally given me some football related ammo. For those who don't remember Ms. Watson, be glad. She tried to cover TCU and other non-AQ teams for a couple of years (or 1 year, I don't care enough to remember) for, but clearly the worldwide leader in sports saw exactly what the rest of her readers saw--she sucks. So they fired her (or so I'm assuming), and now she writes for the Yahoo/Rivals sports blog, and if she keeps up the awful work I'm sure she'll be covering FCS games in the Rust Belt before we know it.

Unfortunately for those who haven't seen the ad, it has been removed from youtube for some reason. Maybe they chose not to run it and are editing it, in which case Graham would be right about what she said, I guess. I realize it's not the greatest advertisement for TCU football, but I have purple tinted glasses and I enjoyed it. Also, since Graham was bitchy enough to pick it apart and talk about what's wrong with it, I've decided to be a dick in return and dissect her analysis of it and show everyone what's wrong with her, other than the obvious "she's a woman writing about a man's game" thing (sorry ladies...).

For starters, Graham, actually as I say this, maybe she got confused by her unfortunate man name and thought she was a boy for years growing up and got way into football and that's how she got where she is today as a nomadic sports blogger. Anyways, back on track- her first dumb comment comes when making reference to the "train noise" at the beginning of the commercial. Then, she admits that someone had to tell her that it was the Froghorn, which plays when we score touchdowns. Let me get this straight, Graham- your job was to follow non-AQ's for, and in 1 year, the only year I remember you from, both TCU and Boise State went to BCS games, but you're unfamiliar with any sort of game day tradition at a TCU home game? Did you need someone to tell you Boise State had a blue field as well? Geez, I can't believe ESPN let such a perceptive, insightful journalist go...

Also, she complains that there isn't enough footage from the Rose Bowl season and that it focuses too much on historical stuff from the '38 championship, Davey O'Brien's Heisman, etc. I understand that Graham's football brain, especially her TCU one, doesn't expand much past last season, but even though it's old, showing your Heisman winner and your national championship doesn't really put off the negative vibe that she seems to take from it. Like I mentioned earlier, the video is down, but from what I remember and from discussing it with others, there are several clips from the 2011 season and especially the Rose Bowl (I specifically remember Tank Carder blowing of Tolzien and Patterson hoisting the trophy), so don't bitch about how there's not enough modern day highlights. It's a 30 second spot, moron. TCU can't exactly put together a greatest hits compilation in that time.

Graham then decides to bitch and moan about how there's footage of the stadium crumbling. Now, this one I can see people not understanding. You don't really want to show your stadium falling apart, but it was blown up and there's a little more significance to it then Graham wants to let you know. She says it "sends the wrong message". The message I got, and I think the message that was trying to be implied, was that TCU is undergoing massive changes for the better and the demolition of the upper deck demonstrates that. I'll leave this one alone, because it's really a matter of person opinion on what you think of that, but I get it, and see that crummy old upper deck crumble actually is exciting to me.

Luckily, Graham might have saved her dumbest comment for last- saying that the slogan "This season, all will know purple reigns" isn't bad, but should come complete with a Prince cameo. She could be joking, but after all of her other idiotic assessments, I wouldn't bet on it. Prince. That's what we want. The most vein, homoerotic, bi-curious weirdo on the planet to plug TCU football. No thanks, Graham. She also says the ad didn't encourage her to buy tickets, which is interesting because, despite covering the team in the past you clearly were never encouraged to buy tickets then either. So, if you're not interested in buying tickets, we're not interested in having you at The Carter anyways. Go deep throat Kellen Moore, Chris Petersen and the rest if the Smurfs and we will keep winning whether you care to see it or not, you clueless bitch. Sorry for the rage outbursts. It's been a while, and she's basically the female Rod Gilmore/Kirk Herbstreit hybrid, so she deserves it.

*Side note- I tried to dig up more dirt on her by researching her on Wikipedia, but she has no page. Go figure. Also, below is the largest solo picture of Graham Watson I could find on Google Images. You're a star, Graham.

***UPDATE: The Graham Watson commercial bashing story has been taken down. At first I didn't think my link worked, but it doesn't work anywhere. Most likely it's gone because the youtube video doesn't work anymore, but I'm claiming victory over Ms. Watson. Suck it, and don't F with TCU!

How bad do you need TCU football?

This is how I fall asleep these days

If you were hoping that this post would be about me making a discovery that makes time travel possible or a secret recipe for inducing a coma until kickoff, I'm sorry, you're just going to have to wait 57 days until TCU-Baylor. And while Bob Saget may not agree with comparing our need for Horned Frog football with a drug addiction, I am happy to say that I've got a few hits that might tide you over until the season begins.

First is the annual Coaches Dinner put on by the Dallas Alumni Association on July 14th. You'll eat BBQ, drink beer and listen to Coach Patterson speak...and possibly Jim Schlossnagle, Chris Del Conte, Jim Christian and Jeff Mittie. Every year I've attended, I've come away with a few nuggets of info on the Frogs that I wouldn't have heard had I not been there. After years of holding it at the Haggard Barn up in Plano, they've moved it this year to the new Frontiers of Flight Museum at Love Field- meaning it'll be easier for anyone in Dallas and even those in Fort Worth to get there in rush hour traffic. Tickets are just $25 if you graduated from TCU after 2001, and $35 if you're older than that...but if you're older than that, you hate our website so you're not even reading this.

Then nine days later it's the (shameless plug alert) Spit Blood Countdown to Kickoff Golf Tournament on Saturday, July 23rd at Whitestone out in Benbrook. I can't confirm that there will actually be any TCU players or coaches in attedance at this event, but I also cannot deny it either. There will be a lot of major Horned Frog fans just like you, some of whom take golf seriously and others of us that will be testing the course rangers' patience and lying rampantly on our score cards. The tournament is $100 a person and that money goes to charity- last year it was Purple People Seaters, but Counselor Frog can probably let us know if it's them or someone different this time around. Another good question that I hope he has the answer for is do we have a beer sponsor?

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