Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Let the countdown begin

Exactly 100 days from today, TCU will kick off their 2011 football season against Baylor down in Waco. That means if you had a dollar for every day you'll have to wait to see Horned Frog football from today going forward, you'd almost have enough to buy a single nosebleed seat to tonight's Game 5 between the Mavs and Thunder (trust me, I've been looking).

Hopefully the baseball team will keep us entertained well into June like they did last year, because at 7:00pm tonight we'll have just over 8.6 million seconds to kill. That may sound like a lot, but consider that you'll spend about:

-2.8 million of those sleeping
-2.6 million at work
-220,000 driving to and from work
-14,000 at the Spit Blood Scramble on July 23rd
-5,400 driving to Waco for the game

...leaving just under 3 million seconds to spend playing quidditch or videotaping yourself hugging people in the library or whatever else people are doing for fun these days. Either way, it's going to take forever to get there.

Baylor's Latest Criminal Activity Will Leave a Real Sour Taste in Your Mouth.

I've never cared much for our hand signal
but at least there's one that's worse.

For those of you who are unfamiliar with typical life cycle of a Baylor, it more or less goes as follows: You willingly pay money to move to Waco, Texas for four of the most monumentally important years of your life, you put on one of those goofy Baylor Line jerseys in the picture above and watch your shitty football team play to their descriptor, you don't have fun in college but afterwards tell everyone you do and close it out by getting married before graduation and pumping out a few kids before pondering divorce by 30 because your blissful union is failing. It's a harsh reality, yes, but it's true. However, every now and again someone slips through the cracks, either because they didn't realize the miserable lifestyle they signed up for and are trying to buck the trend, or because they realize only a moron would get married before they're 25. In either case, these folks are pushed to the fringes of Baylor society. As an outsider, you might think, "Well, hey, at least someone is trying to make some changes around there! I mean, it's not like Waco has ever had any fringe outsiders go off the rails or anything. Just ask Janet Reno!" However, in this particular case, being an outsider clearly showed its drawbacks.

Which brings us to the story of particularly promiscuous Baylor student Robert Cole who has been so far removed from the norm that I'm not sure counseling and Dave Bliss can get him off the hook for his actions. Well, maybe Bliss.

Picture the scene: You're at a college party. There are girls there. Said girls are getting drunk -but drunker than a normal college girl because Baylor students are so unfamiliar with the concept of drinking to excess that their minds literally implode at the first sip of Boone's Farm-especially one girl who is so drunk it's pretty clear she needs a breather. As a normal person, you might think, "Hmm.. that girl looks like she could be in for some trouble, I better remove her from the situation either by calling her a cab, getting a friend to come pick her up, or at least taking her drink and getting her a glass of water." We've all at least seen this situation unfold and, at least to my surface knowledge, I don't know anyone who had anything bad happen to them while being over-served at a party. However, if you go to Baylor, your brain is so turned to mush from the Waco scene where girls who won't hook up with you unless there's a diamond involved, combined with a general lack of routine alcohol consumption, apparently THIS is what goes on in your head.

Without going into the gory details - this is a family oriented website, after all - let's just say Mr. Cole must've had on his Bad Idea Jeans at this party... before removing them and reenacting a common Japanese film-making technique, of course. And while I'm in no way trying to make light of a pretty grisly situation - that's for the guys at barstool sports to tackle - you kinda have to admit that something like this just has Baylor written all over it. Sexual depravity and the lack of developed social skills can really weigh on a person's psyche; Actually, it's kind of amazing that this is the first time this has happened down that way.

No one in their right mind would ever attend Baylor. Seriously, I'd rather do 4 years in Nacogdoches and develop one of those rashes that doesn't wash off than spend a second in Waco. But man, I never thought it'd drive a person to do that. Things must be way more wacky down there than we can imagine. But then again, that's the funny thing about Waco - the Baylor faithful will tell you that it's this all enveloping Baptist environment and a fantastic place to live, yet it's, to my knowledge, the only city in the country that has had a team sponsored murder cover up AND radical-religious-separatist-nut-job-government-intervening-smack-down happen in the same era. Here's to betting they don't bring either of those highlights during the admissions process.

As a result of all of this, Young Robert is likely going to federal pound me in the ass prison for quite some time and the young lady in question will never fully get that taste out of her mouth, but let's try and think positive here. Do you realize what this will potentially add to our trash talking repertoire over the summer before week 1? Assuming TCU's new admissions standards haven't completely made the student body devoid of all the foul mouthed rapscallions we glowingly remember from our days in the Funk, this should be viewed as a call to arms. I feel like I don't even need to prod the Section V faithful in this endeavor.

Give us your best Baylor related money shots in the comments. I have a feeling that referring to Robert Griffin as a "choke artist" or "gagging under pressure" will take on different meanings this year.

Frogs vs. New Mexico Tonight at 9


TCU opens the conference tournament tonight against 6th seeded New Mexico, who beat 3rd seeded BYU in 11 innings yesterday to become the lowest seed to advance which earns them a date with the Frogs tonight. TCU is fresh off a sweep of New Mexico where they exploded for 46 runs over the 3 game set, and they will not have to face UNM's #1 starter Rudy Jaramillo (no clue if he's related to the former Ranger hitting coach, but I'll just assume he is). The starting pitcher is yet to be named, but I'll assume it's Purke tonight, albeit on a limited pitch count (probably around 60-70 if I had to guess). I was planning on doing an elaborate look at our pitching depth for the tournament, since the injury bug or rest bug seems has set in again just when we though we were getting healthy, as ace Kyle Winkler will be unavailable this week. Also, I'm still not sure about the availability of Steven Maxwell, who we haven't seen in over a month. Good news for me and the readers is that I don't have to go into detail on the whole ordeal, because our friend David Peterson at hornedfrogsports.com already took an in-depth look at the pitching breakdown, and he's far more knowledgeable on the situation than we are over here.

West Virginia knows how to party

The meeting of Big East athletic directors that was scheduled for this morning has been cancelled because West Virginia AD Oliver Luck had to fly back to Morgantown to deal with a situation in which the Mountaineers' head coach in waiting (and Mike Leach disciple) Dana Holgerson was kicked out of a casino between 3:00 and 4:00am last Wednesday.

Surveillance cameras caught the entire incident, so right now let me promise to you that we'll post that video here on Spit Blood if it ever becomes available. There wasn't an arrest made, though, so you'd have to think his job is safe, right? After all, getting a little rowdy in a casino that late on a weeknight is nothing for the school that already employs Bob Huggins in a state that is famous for this.

Before all of this news broke, however, the Big East ADs were able to get a little work done yesterday- deciding that all 17 teams will participate in the conference basketball tournament after TCU joins the conference for the 2012-2013 season. So while your wives/girlfriends may never let you take a road trip to see the Frogs play in West Virginia, there'll be at least one TCU basketball game at Madison Square Garden every year.

Morning Dump

Baseball:
TCU's Brance Rivera continues to be huge hit for Frogs
Star-Telegram

TCU opens tournament play Wednesday against New Mexico
GoFrogs.com

Football:
TCU's Patterson gets preview of Frogs' future
St Petersburg Times

Open letter to Andy Dalton
ESPN