When I woke up this morning, something just didn't feel right. Perhaps it was two nights worth of excessive tequilla intake, or perhaps I unknowingly kept myself up giggling last night at the reveal that Mac's real name is Ronald McDonald. Whatever it was, things just felt a little, well, off. Then, of course, it hit me - this is the first weekend since September with ZERO college football. The agony! What does the world expect me to do Saturday, not drink and take a shower before sundown? If that's what it takes to be an upstanding contributor to weekend society, then count me out.
However, regardless of societal norms, we're all going to have to figure out SOME way to pass time this weekend until the bowl games start and Spitblood has a few ideas.
- Watch the Army/Navy Game Saturday @ 1:30 on CBS. Ok, so technically the weekend isn't COMPLETELY bereft of college football, but this battle between two non-bowl eligible teams probably doesn't exactly scream excitement to the casual fan. Fortunately I'm pretty ravenous and irrational about college football, so let me sell this thing. For one, it's one of the better rivalries in college sports and easily the tippity top in all the Commander in Chief Trophy matchups. It's not as respectful as you'd imagine considering the parties involved and, even in a year where neither can claim the Commanders Trophy, beating the other is a must and would make the season a success. It's basically the aggy corallary when playing UT because they typically have nothing else to play for. The game moves from its usual home in the City of Brotherly Love to Washington DC - well, NEAR DC, anyway - to play in Dan Snyder's soulless playground, so expect it to be extra patriotic. Besides, its football, its on, and its the military, so we should pay our respects.
- Go to the TCU Basketball Game Saturday @ 6:00. Don't look now but the TCU Horned Frogs Mens Basketball team is 7-2 and getting love in several Bracketology forecasts. Yes, looking at a Bracketology report this early in the year is akin to starting bowl projections after Week 2, but it's probably no worse than the concept of preseason polls. In fact, their win over Virginia is the only loss on the year for the Wahoos, a team that's looking like a serious dark horse in the ACC after early stumbles by UNC and Duke. The Frogs have faced the Cornhuskers each of the past 3 seasons, dropping all three, but with their move to the Big Ten it marks the first time a team from that Conference has visited DMC in 20 years. Nebrasky sports a 5-3 record with victories over no one of note but respectable, close losses to Oregon, Creighton and Wake Forest. They defeated Florida Gulf Coast by the same 1 point margin as the Frogs. On paper, the Frogs should be able to squeak this one out. They average 8 more points per game than the Huskers and neither team rebounds particularly well. JR Cadot has come on particularly strong this year for TCU and the high flying Garlon Green may have finally put his basketball sense on par with his athleticism. The matchup of talented Nebraska PG Bo Spencer against Hank Thorns should be an interesting one. If history proves as a guide, this Nebraska game could prove pivotal; In 2008, following the loss, the Frogs immediately went on a 6 game win streak and won 10 of their next 12. Let's not talk about the rest of the season. Last year, the opposite happened as following a loss in Lincoln, a game in which the team was stranded in a snow storm, Sammy Yeager had his infamous locker room dust up which led to his dismissal from the team. The team would only win four more games the rest of the year. The Frogs are walking pretty tall after holding off Tech Tuesday night. Can they make it two wins in a row over major Conference teams? Packing the Meyer will go a long way in determining the outcome. Don't be the reason another basketball season goes to hell.
- Dust off your best fat jokes for when Kansas comes to town. In case you missed it, after winning ONE Conference game under the stead of the physically fit Turner Gill, Kansas has returned to their roots and hired former Notre Dame Head Fupa Charlie Weis. Even better, the other leading candidate before Weis agreed to terms? Fellow Fupa Phil Fulmer! Somewhere Mark Mangino nods approvingly with the proper amount of smug satisfaction with eating a live water buffalo. The life and death struggle is the only marinade a real man needs. But seriously, other than the obvious Mack Brown heckling, Weis will perhaps be the greatest target of all, not only because he looks like he's smuggling a monster truck tire in the waistband of his trousers, but because he's just such a smug asshole. Even Kansas fans, who are probably the least caring of any major college, are kinda bummed out about it. So let's get creative in our heckling before the Jayhawks make it to Amon G. Start by inserting "your head coach" into the "yo mama" part of those fat jokes and work your way up to dissociative Tim Heideker/Eric Wareheim shenanigans. We've got a lot of time, but it's never too early to start.
- Help June Jones update his resume. Other than the absolutely miserable handling of the situation by Arizona State, the most fascinating thing to me about the June Jones situation is that SMU not only took him back, but did so with open arms. And you wanna be a BCS Conference team, huh? I understand the situation they're in because Jones it the only coach they've ever had who has proven to be semi-successful without having to pay his players for the priviledge. They were rightfully devestated when the news leaked out he was looking to jump ship. But, it's PAINFULLY clear he has checked out on the job in Dallas and, I don't care who you are, you don't employ someone with that mindset. SMU is a very interesting position with the Big East move, so at this point you'd have to imagine they're keeping June Bug around to help them ease into that move. But that's presuming June has a choice at all which, with his age and lack of a talented returning team to bolster his rep next year, is iffy at best. But, the bottom line is SMU is probably a worse team without Jones completely than they are with a lame duck Jones, so why not help June get out of town and send him some resume fodder? Things like his losing record to TCU, Army, UCF, Houston, Southern Miss and that 0-4 Navy thing. His home bowl loss. His poor attendance record. Or how about the time he got confused and tried to put an NBA basketball player from a country where football isn't even played under center? I guess he DID go 1-1 against Washington State... On second thought, maybe we should just stay out of it.
- Assist our old Big East Mates with SMU Hate. Someone pointed out an SDSU blog the other day where they were trying to makes heads and tails of their new Conference mates in the Big Least. While they had some nice suggestions, when discussing SMU it seemed they were mostly hung up on Craig James - certainly a worthy target, but it gets SO much better than that, guys! You want lack of institutional control? Have a looksee at the way they cover up drug overdoses on an annual basis to cover their own asses! You want players committing atrocious sexual acts against the other parties' will? Double Whammy. Cat murder? Done. Yanking scholarships like ASU yanks contract offers? Here ya go. General schadenfreude inspired luls? Done AND done. And I do mean DONE. If you want to help, I say we inundate the message boards of all member schools with this sort of ammunition so they'll be fighting an uphill battle before they even show up to play. Do your part for the cause.
- Get your Xmas shopping wrapped up. Why haven't you done this already? Why do you hate your family so much? Selfish a holes.
Hope that helps. Your suggestions in the comments.