Wednesday, November 2, 2011

A Little Hump Day SMU Hate


In the 3 games since their freak win vs. TCU, SMU quarterback J.J. McDermott has accounted for 1 win and 7 interceptions, and it appears SMU has taken the "we had our big win and our program hit it's peak, now let's say F the rest of the season" much like Tech has done up in Lubbock after beating OU. McDermott is up to 11 picks on the year since replacing Kyle Padron aka Yao Ming Jr., who has a 0:3 TD/INT ratio as well this year. So surely the 1,900 SMU fans that make it into the stadium from the boulevard on Saturdays over in University Park have to be fed up with the interceptions and useless turnovers costing them games they should win, right?? You've got to believe ole Junes is looking to bring in a QB to succeed McDermott and potentially Yao Jr. after next season. Well, it appears they've found their man!

#fail

Welcome aboard, Garrett Gilbert!!! How do you fix 14 interceptions by Padron in 2010 and a combined 14 interceptions through 8 games by Padron and McDermott this season? Well the answer is simple: you bring in arguably the most turnover prone QB in college football over the past year and a half (let's not forget his 4 interceptions and 1 fumble BCS national title game, although that seems unfair since he was a true freshman). Gilbert, the former national high school player of the year, followed up his 5 turnover performance in Pasadena with a 5-7, 10 touchdown, 17 interception sophomore campaign. I couldn't find how many times he fumbled, but from what I saw and what I recall, it was A LOT. 2011 consisted of just 2 starts for Griffin's less talented older brother, with his UT career culminating in a benching against BYU after a 2-8 start with just 8 yards and 2 interceptions. Gilbert hasn't seen the field since then and had season ending shoulder surgery and obviously elected to transfer, and if his first 2+ years are any indication of what kind of talent the Mustponies are getting, we should expect our all-growed-up secondary to catch about as many passes as our WR's when he sets foot in the refurbished Amon G. Carter Stadium 2 years from now.

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank Garrett Gilbert for a couple of things that he's done for the college football world. First of all, I'd like to thank you immensely for setting back the University of Texas football program AT LEAST 2 years with your quarterback play. 5-7 was a disaster, and now that they've had to look elsewhere for a QB, this season is pretty much a wash for them as well. And what if David Ash or Case McCoy isn't the guy? I'd say it's very possible that neither one of them is the future there, so they could be set back even further (although Malcolm Brown looks pretty salty carrying the ball, and Johnathan Gray can't hurt). Second, I'd like to thank you for choosing SMU. I'm sure we'll get to see the 40 people that read ponyfans.com spin the Gilbert addition as a huge win that will bring their program to new heights, and they've already assumed it could help them get little brother and current TCU commit Griffin (don't worry, he's a TE) to switch to SMU, and from what I hear, that ain't gonna happen. By choosing SMU, you're helping fill their scattered coke brains with false hope and inevitable delusional thoughts. That entertains me. In fact, I hope former blog troll "Tyler Springer" will come back and talk about how great this is for them. We've had a shortage of opposing fan idiocracy lately, and I think he'd be a great addition.

I'd also like to give you some advice for how to survive (literally) during your tenure at SMU. Honestly, you seem like a pretty good guy and probably pretty level headed, however, that can change quickly at SMU. I hope you drive a foreign luxury sedan, and if you don't I'd call dad immediately and see if he can hook you up with an E-Class Benz or something. It's okay if it's used, most of theirs are, but it's all about faking the image of a spoiled rich kid. If you don't, you will become a social pariah. Actually, forget dad- find out where Sherwood Blount lives, call him up, and demand a new Bentley. Hell, they hooked up Eric Dickerson with a new Trans-Am back in the 80s, so I don't think that's too much to ask. Also, if you're having trouble making friends, I'd suggest replacing your standard wooden coffee table with a large glass mirror. The students at SMU will sniff out that piece of furniture (literally) within minutes of you placing it there. I'm not suggesting you partake in drug use, but once word gets around campus that you have a 4x3 mirror in between your couch and 50 inch LCD screen, you'll have "friends" at your apartment 24/7 (seriously, 24/7, because they'll be too coked out to sleep or leave).

Modern Day Sherwood Blount- Now get G.G. his Bentley!!!

The good news for you, Garrett, is that unlike in Austin, once you litter the opposing secondary with interceptions and throw bounce passes to your WR's for a few weeks you won't be assaulted with boo's and calls for the backup QB. I don't think they've topped the 20K mark in attendance yet this year, and the 14K or so that are in attendance are the least football-savvy human beings you will ever encounter. When the goin' gets tough, just remember that you are and always will be second fiddle to SMU Blvd and nobody is watch nor gives a shit how you play. Now that I think about it, you've made a very, very smart move choosing SMU and SMU likewise made a great decision choosing you. See, you can suck the world up at SMU and nobody will notice nor care- that's what they've grown to expect over there. As for SMU, the addition of Garrett Gilbert gives you a high profile name to hang your hat on, although it's clear that June Jones and the rest of the guys doing the recruiting over at SMU are just like their fan base- they haven't been paying much attention to football games, because anyone that's been watching would avoid this guy like the plague.

So congrats, SMU and Garrett Gilbert. It's the perfect marriage. It's like the college football version of the Kris Humphries/Kim Kardashian marriage. I have no doubt that this will end perfectly for you both, and by perfectly I mean I can't wait to watch it go up in flames after about 2 months. Also, I'm well aware of the whole SMU to the Big East thing, but it's really not even worth writing about since that conference is in about as good of shape as the MWC is currently. So yeah, who cares about that?

17 comments:

VikingFrog said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
VikingFrog said...

Hey Gilbert... say where's Arnie.

buffalo said...

bravo SnK!

Marshall Weber said...

haha how'd yall find the scarface thing I made?

Reed said...

SnK you have quite the talent. Absolutely hilarious!

Tyler Springer said...

ayooo

shortnkerley's said...

Haha, a month later and this douchebag still reads spitblood. You're hooked and you've got a serious case of TCU envy. Welcome back.

Tyler Green said...

Loving the fact that TCU's program is so shit they have to post about SMU. Go Cow Town!

Tyler Green said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
NurseFrog31 said...

Loving the fact that SMU is so desperate for any mention of them on the internet they have to troll a TCU fan site deriding them as the joke they are to get it. Go Big D!

shortnkerley's said...

Yeah, tcu is a shit program. Says the SMU fan. Now that's a funny, funny joke. Let me know when SMU does anything relevant nationally, other than Death Penalty and drug overdoses. Delusional blog trolls are funny.

Tyler Green said...

Scoreboard, dick.

shortnkerley's said...

Thanks for boosting blog attendance bud. Now enjoy your life rooting for an insignificant football team while we contend for BCS games every year. Glad you like the site, and you're always gonna be TCU's bitch.

Rotten Arsenal said...

All-time head to head record, All-Time overall record, BCS appearances and wins, Bowl appearances and wins, seasons ranked in the Top 25, Conference Titles, National Relevance, attendance, high profile alumni, and overall record this year, bitch.

Please enjoy your win against our weakest team in years by your "best" team in years. You, like Baylor, will most likely have this as your high point to another "bleh" season.

Tyler Springer said...

Sorry, just got back to this. Actually one of my good friends from high school (apparently those of you who run this blog know her) told me I was featured again, so I had to come give my favorite people to hate a little love. Pony up!

VikingFrog said...

Tyler, you will be excited to know that many of us are routing for you this weekend.

Rotten Arsenal said...

But not all of us...