It was either this, or "Bananas and Blow" by Ween.
You can thank me later, administration.
It's me again, your resident spitblood basketball blogger who accidentally misspelled the common name of Cheick Cone and, as a result, doesn't know shit about TCU Basketball. You guys' standards, they're harsh. But, someone has to carry the annual "yaaaaay TCU Basketball is good aga... no wait, jk!!" torch this year and, for a third or fourth or fifth or 10th consecutive season, it's gonna be me. I suggest getting your kicks now because, with history as our guide, it's only downhill from here.
This weekend the Frogs will finally get a look at some formidable competition as they travel to beautiful St. Thomas for the U.S. Virgin Islands Paradise Jam. You have to say this for Jim Christian - he's hooked us up nicely with these early season tournaments, although the results haven't been pretty. Looking at the schedule it appears this is basically the 2012 Big East of College Basketball tournaments in the sense that, much like that league will basically be, "Will Boise have the auto bid locked up by October or November?" every year, the only interesting thing about this tournament will be seeing how one-sidedly ex-future Conference mate Marquette will win the championship game. Early season unfounded basketball opinions based solely on Conference affiliation and current ranking, I has them.
But you don't care about any of that, do you? All you care about are the Frogs! As the 4 of you reading this post probably know, TCU starts things off tomorrow afternoon at 5:00PM against the ACC's Virginia Cavaliers. Virginia is one of those teams, like TCU, who experienced some success in the mid 90s before taking a nosedive for the next decade plus. Also like TCU, the Cavaliers come to St. Thomas sporting a 2-0 record thanks entirely to the capturing of pelts from crippled foes, although they did beat a Winthrop team that made the Dance a few years back. Believe it or not, though, the matchups may actually favor the Frogs.
It's here that I should place the disclaimer that we're using stats from TWO games for each team and that the teams really cannot be compared this way, but it's what we have so deal with it, naysayers.
The teams are fairly equal in size, but TCU enters the game ranked 6th in the nation in assists, 24th in average points scored and 11th in field goal percentage. So I guess we should be ranked, huh? Neither team rebounds particularly well, with the Cavs holding a 2 boards per game advantage over the Frogs, but the Frogs out-rebounded the Austin College Kangaroos, which must be a feat since Kangaroos are known for jumping really high. However, TCU boasts four players averaging double figures- Gerald Green, JD Cabot, Hamlet Field and Eldrick McKinney -to UVA's three. So yeah, basically UVA is TOTALLY screwed.
Furthering the screwing? The Frogs' Craig Thompson actually hails from the Virgin Islands! That has to count for something, right? When you add in Cabot and Kyle Butler, who also made their way to the mainland via their Caribbean based homes, I'll be absolutely SHOCKED if UVA even gets off the plane. It's THAT much of a mismatch on paper.
So once the Frogs roll the Cavs, following their day off to buy curious under-price blood diamonds and fake Rolexes, they'll take on the winner of the other other game of the century between Norfolk State and Drexel, respectively representing the MEAC and Colonial leagues. Think you've heard of either of these schools before? Well, let me stop you right there - you haven't, unless you really got into Virginia Commonwealth's magical run to the Final Four last year and watched footage from their regular season games on ESPN3. And I'm not actually sure the MEAC even exists or that Norfolk is a state. However, I'm giving the edge to Drexel because they just SOUND more like a winner.
So, let's presume we Austin College our opponent in the next round. Then what? Believe it or not, we'll be in perhaps the biggest regular season basketball game of Jim Christian's tenure when we face the winner of the OTHER bracket in the Championship bout. But, sorry Ole Miss, Drake and the aforementioned Winthrop, but it's totally going to be Marquette. That is, it's going to be Marquette unless they get stuck in their cabanas living on bananas and blow ok I'll post the song.
So how is TCU going to beat Marquette? TRICK QUESTION - they won't. But hey, wouldn't it be great if they did? This is the beautiful thing about TCU Basketball - win, place or show in a meaningless, third tier Conference Tournament is like winning the whole damn thing for a real basketball school. We may get to a higher level eventually, but unless you want to be violently disappointed, I'd calibrate your expectations according to that outline.
*For those of you wanting a more "factual" preview of the tournament, I recommend the gofrogs.com version, or perhaps erstwhile SB collaborator Alex Apple will have something to say about it over at his new shiny digs on Menace.
**You see what happens when you nay say a stranger's post in the ass, Larry?