Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Week 7 Opponent Hate: The New Mexico Lobos

Mike Locksley- whereabouts unknown. Last seen at Occupy Dallas.

First of all, I'd like to congratulate UNM on successfully running their football program completely into the ground over the past few years. Well done. They had Rocky Long, current SDSU head coach, there for 11 seasons, compiling a 65-69 record (a miracle by their standards) and he became the winningest coach in the school's history and even led them to 3 consecutive bowl games for the first time in school history from 2003-2005. However, in 2008 Long decided to resign. In other words, Long decided that Albuquerque might be the shittiest city in the southwest and he wanted bail out faster than the Walter White's family. So who did New Mexico turn to? The great Mike Locksley, and by great, I mean the worst coach in the history of college athletics. Seriously, he's the worst coach ever, and I dare someone to challenge it.

Locksley's hire actually helped TCU in a way, however, as he was hired away from his position as the offensive coordinator of the Illinois Fighting Illini, who in turn kindly poached away Bucknasty's favorite coordinator in TCU football history, the incredibly mediocre Mike Schultz. Back to Locksley, though- he was hired at New Mexico on December 9, 2008 to a 6 year deal, which seems pretty generous to a guy who had zero previous head coaching experience. Locksley didn't wait until his first season to make his presence felt in Albuquerque- in May 2009 he was accused of sexual harassment, age discrimination, and retaliation by a former administrative assistant. Nothing came of the allegations, but Locksley wasn't done impressing his new university early in his tenure there. Just a couple weeks into the start of his first regular season at New Mexico, he decided to go all LaGarrette Blount on his wide receivers coach J.B. Gerald, allegedly punching him in the face during a fight and splitting his lip open. Locksley of course claims no punches were thrown, but how many breaks can you give a shitty coach who keeps getting himself into trouble? Surely this would only be tolerable if they were winning games, so they had to be...right??? Not exactly.

Locksley wrapped up his turbulent first season with a whopping 1 win, three wins less than the year before he arrived. He wasn't fired. Okay, so you usually have to give a new coach some time to get his system and his guys in place before you make a rash decision like firing a guy for a 1-11 season, but surely you'd expect an improved squad in year 2, right????? They went 1-11...again. 2 full seasons, a sexual harassment scandal, fighting his own coaching staff, and surely there's no other choice but to fire the guy and start over, right??????? Not at New Mexico. Locksley made it back on campus for a third season, or at least part of it. The Lobos began this season in typical Locksley-led New Mexico fashion, roaring out of the gates to an 0-4 record that included a home loss to mighty FCS Sam Houston State. So Locksley's night couldn't possibly get any worse, could it? Wrong again. Right around game time, UNM recruit Josh Butts, a 19 year old from Chicago was in town for a visit, and was pulled over for DWI...WHILE DRIVING A CAR REGISTERED TO LOCKSLEY!!! And yes, that finally ended the Locksley era in at New Mexico, finally.

So let's go over the Mike Locksley resume as he applies for his next job a some New Mexico junior college, nay, a 2A New Mexico high school coaching players less athletic that Walter White Jr. (watch Breaking Bad, you'll get it): a 2-26 career record compiled over 2+ seasons as a head coach, one punched assistant coach, one sexual harassment charge filed (in his defense, it got dropped), and one shitfaced 19 year old recruit getting pulled over in his car and receiving a DWI on the night you lost at home to Sam Houston State. Nevermind that potential 2A high school coaching gig in New Mexico, he'll be lucky to get a job at Los Pollos Hermanos.

But is Locksley really to blame here, or do you blame the awful administration at UNM and Athletic Director Paul Krebs for keeping him around too long? Paying a guy $750K for 6 years who has no prior head coaching experience seemed like a tremendous reach for a school that probably isn't that well off to begin with (seriously, have you been to ABQ? Hell-hole), and it turns out it was. There's plenty of speculation that Locksley was kept around because of his high buy-out clause ($1.4 million) and I think that's pretty obviously the case. They put all their eggs in the Mike Locksley basket and he returned the favor by having more scandals (3) than wins (2) during his time there. Defensive coordinator George Barlow will be trying to right the ship for the rest of this season, and seriously George, good luck, because Locksley, Krebs and company didn't do you any favors.

After reading this, does anyone want to challenge me and name a worse coach in the history of college athletics? Good luck.


Rotten Arsenal said...
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Rotten Arsenal said...

Can't really argue for Locksley's stranglehold on worst coach ever, but I can think of a few that are in the same clubhouse:

Rick Venturi (Northwestern) went 1-31-1 over three seasons with the only win coming against Wyoming

Kevin Steele (Baylor) now a curse word in Waco

Tag Team duo of Jim Shofner & F.A. Dry... just because.

Oh, and saw this: Mike Locksley: Worst Coach Ever? where they also discuss possible/likely replacements. Jarrett Anderson is probably a target.