Wednesday, September 14, 2011

New Inventions, We Has Them.

I highly suggest using "Pepe Sylvia" as your submission name if you want guaranteed service.

Here at Spitblood, despite what our #6 TCU blog ranking suggests to the contrary, we try and keep things as fresh as possible. By fresh I somewhat mean "original" and "funny," but I mostly mean "offensive" and "outlandish" and "anti-Craig James" and "over the top" because, truth be told, that's what keeps most of you coming back. There's a reason sites like Kissing Suzy Kolber and EDSBS are among the most popular in the blogosphere - hint: It's not because they play it safe.

However, up to this point we've mostly limited our scope to the warped minds of what our 4-5 main contributors and left it at that, with you readers only being able to contribute in the comments section. NO MORE!! Thanks to the long, heartfelt and, if we're being honest, kinda homo-erotic pro-Erik Miller diatribe on a months old post by commenter "italianstallion03," we've been inspired toopen this joint up to everyone on occasion via a spitblood reader mailsack. And, unlike Bill Simmons, I assure you our mailsacks will be Red Sox, Karate Kid and Shawshank Redemption free.

We're still toying with it so things are subject to change at LITERALLY any minute, but here's the idea. We want ALL of your questions. Don't feel limited to TCU/college football by any means. Have you seen the KSK sex and fantasy football mailsacks? Ok, well, I personally won't answer any fantasy football questions as I have not yet been sucked in by that devilish diversion, nor will we attempt to give you any insight on your interpersonal relationships, but you get the idea - ask a real question, but also toss in something off topic for discussion and lulz. Here, I'll give you an example, "Is Casey Pachall's performance these first two games a true measure of his overall talent and a harbinger for the future or just a result of competing against overrated and shoddy defenses? Also, isn't that song, "I saw Mommy kissing santa claus, when taken in the context of hearing it sung through the voice of a child, kind of fucked up considering, at that age, said child doesn't understand that Santa Claus is really their father?" Ask us ANYTHING and we will attempt to answer it with as little insight and as much humor as possible, and with TONS of added snark.

Further, and perhaps most importantly, for those of you out there who hate us, here is your chance to let us know directly and get an even more back-handed knee jerk response than you'd get in the comments! Everybody wins! And by all means, PLEASE don't use your real names. Wouldn't want anyone getting cold feet on really opening up and letting their sheltered-by-social-norms personalities shine! Spitblood handles are obviously preferred, but clever pseudonyms are encouraged in any case. I've got dibs on Butty McPoopstain!

For now the plan is to have a regular rotation of our contributors answering each mailsack to ease the load and give a different perspective from mailsack to mailsack. However, if you have a specific question for a specific contributor, make note of that and these questions will be held until that contributor comes up in the rotation. Or I say they will, I actually can't promise that, but it's a nice thought and ideal. Here's a handy dandy guide to what you might expect:

lyle mailsack - If you have a genuine TCU question, especially those not related to football, lyle is your guy. You also probably run less risk of being condescended at to the point that you stop reading spitblood altogether.

SWW mailsack - Umm... I'd say I'm probably most closely aligned with the manic/depressive SB readers out there in that one minute I'll call for TCU to go 11-1 this year, and the next rant about how much Kellen Moore is going to mouth breathe in our end zone come November. So, if things are looking good and you want to hear something pretty, I'll tell it to you, and if things are going bad and you want to be talked off the ledge in the sense that you want to step forward and fall to your death from said ledge, I'm your guy as well. I also attempt to stay up to date on all things TCU basketball, but as you can imagine, that's hard sometimes.

SnK mailsack - Besides being the most knowledgeable baseball soothsayer with the keenest eye for late round MLB pitching talent to ever walk God's green earth, kerleys is also simultaneously the contributor who will do the most damage to your self esteem should he deem your line of questioning unworthy. Call him out at your own risk.

Dear Leader/spitpurple mailsacks - Probably a good mix of all three above, although, like all of us, both guys are uber quick with a backhand when necessary.

WILDCARD: bucknasty mailsacks - I can't say for sure these will ever happen, but I hope we get at least one chance to let this man loose on the commentariat because if you think kerleys is short tempered and caustic towards "bad" TCU fans, you clearly haven't met the master.

We have no specific time-table on when the first mailsack will drop, nor the frequency of future mailsacks. We'll start small with, say, once a month, and then add additional 'bags if it is deemed necessary. However, if you guys provide us with timely questions pertaining to that week's game, I can see intermittent, shorter mailsacks happening, or even a small Q&A section in the previews. All that to say, it's up to YOU, the reader, in regards to how much soup is for you.

So send those questions to and we will have the first one up and running as soon as there enough ammo for us to poop on.


Rotten Arsenal said...

And if it's boring historical, statistical, or TCU sports nobody cares about questions, I'm your guy.

Reed said...

Do y'all still have rose bowl koozies available?

VikingFrog said...

Can we change the name to the mailSack. It sounds more spitbloody that way.

shortnkerley's said...

Also, if anyone has questions about Minnesota, VikingFrog is your man. Like, why does Donovan McNabb suck? What's ice fishing like? Why is it so hard for you to build bridges? You get the gist.

FreeAB said...

Can we please have D mailbag questions?

Sir Wesley Willis said...

sorry for leaving you out arsenal, you'll have your time in the saddle as well. You will also clearly be our womens soccer representative although I'm not sure most of our readers realize such a program even exists.

Mailsack... I like it. Done.

And D can handle a mailbag or two, but you all have to sign non-disclosure and non-lawsuit waivers beforehand.

buffalo said...

what mailbag would i email regarding tcu golf/jj henry?

D said...


Drop some Q's in my dirty MailSack.

You've been warned though. Think those questions out carefully.

If you don't I'll sneak into your house late at night, put your hand in a bucket of warm water and raid your refrigerator.

Other than that, I'd say I'm up to par with football, maybe birdie. Sometimes baseball. But nowhere the knowledge that SWW and Lyle bring to the table.

LENEtown Fizzle said...

you fools dont know anything, forward all questions to the fizzle, cause everyone knows all knowledge runs directly through abilene. holla