Thursday, September 22, 2011

It's Never Sunny in Cincinnati.


Before the season, the Cincinnati Bengals were commonly viewed as the team most likely to finish 0-16 and there was already brief chatter regarding their being eligible for "Andrew Luck Sweepstakes." And while I suppose there's still potential for them to be in that running, if they do wind up with that top spot, Luck could get the Aaron Rodgers treatment in the green room, for at least a few moments. Yes, Andy Dalton is 1-1 as an NFL starter and is a 4th down conversion from being 2-0. In fact, had it not been for Cam Newton pulling down the pants of Arizona and Green Bay these past two weeks, he might be mentioned in early ROY discussions. Fortunately, the team and city seem to have taken notice and Dalton has quickly turned into the leader we became accustomed to these past few seasons, at least according to SI.com resident report on all things Cincy, Paul Daugherty. No one is predicting division titles and Super Bowls just yet, but with the Pittsburgh Steelers aging, the Baltimore Ravens playing schizo ball, and the Bengals already having an edge on the Colt McCoys, it's not out of the realm of possibilities that this young Bengals team could be the future of the AFC North.

Except for one small problem...

They're still the Bengals, and the Bengals still have players that do shit like this. And all this time I kinda hoped that with Cedric Benson serving his time in jail where he belongs, and the cutting of TO and Ocho, capped off by the arrival of a good guy, perhaps the Bengals were turning the page on their troubled past.

If you didn't click to link, let's just say Dalton's current 66% completion percentage could take a serious hit with the news that leading receiver Jerome Simpson, he of the 8 receptions and 180 yards, has been implicated in a possible marijuana distribution operation. "How did he become implicated," you ask? Why, by doing the sensible thing and having 2.5 pounds MAILED!!!!! to his house in northern Kentucky. MAILED. There's dumb, and then there's, "Hey, will you mail me illegal drugs plz? kthxbai!" dumb, and clearly Simpson is it, although it should be noted that reserve Left Tackle was also taken into custody.

But, you ask, "1.5 pounds? That doesn't sound like THAT much? Maybe dude just REALLY likes to get high and wanted to make sure his supply didn't dry up? I mean, when you've got a direct pipeline to that California sticky icky icky, you've gotta exploit that shit while it's still live How can they automatically make the conclusion that trafficking is involved?" And, to be honest, I'm with you. I think it's unfair to assume that because an NFL player has marijuana mailed to his house that he's trying to turn a profit.

Wait, what's that? The cops found SIX MORE POUNDS!!! when they entered Simpson's house? That's like an entire baby's worth of marijuana.

Sorry, Andy.

15 comments:

Tanner said...

i... picked hm up on tuesday off waivers... ugh. retard.

hiphopfroggy said...

just saw on espn that tcu is possible candidate to join big 12 and big east has already responded with a statement saying they would hold us to the 27 month waiting period and 5mill exit fee!... Gentlemen, the big 12 is happening

HAIR said...

hiphopfroggy...do you have a link? ive been scowering espn for the past 3.5 hours...

Curt McDurt said...

LINK...LINK...LINK!

Tanner said...

link...

Sir Wesley Willis said...

it was on the ESPN ticker this morning. Us, BYU and Air Force. Nothing is in any way official, mostly because Texas will fight tooth and nail to keep us out.

ItsAlreadyBeenBroughton said...

How can the Big East hold us to the waiting period if we haven't even joined yet? The Big East might not even exist come July.

Ten Minutes? This thing will be over in two minutes! -Stinger, Top Gun

Mantikos said...

TCU has made it clear today that we have a clean legal way out of the Big East as long as we do it BEFORE we actually join and start playing...after that the 27 month rule kicks in

FreeAB said...

According to purple menace CDC had the waiting period language taken out of our contract, so we would only have to pay $5mm. That check gets written in about 15 seconds if we can get an actual offer.

hiphopfroggy said...

http://espn.go.com/college-sports/story/_/id/7002818/dan-beebe-working-leave-job-big-12-conference-commissioner-report-says

old big eight teams and new commish want us. It seems that UT perhaps is not that deadset on blocking us and the block had been coming from baylor. If the be is responding with threats than i think the talks r pretty serious

shortnkerley's said...

They can't hold us to an exit fee and 27 month ordeal if the conference falls apart. I'm sure there's some sort of clause there or something.

HAIR said...

It baffles me anyone would give a damn or listen to the peanut gallery that is waco. If in fact baylor is the one with the biggest problem (even though i still think it's dodds)with adding the frogs gotta say I like our chances. Of course this is probably a huge rumor and tomorrow we will shock the world that we are going to revive the Sun Belt.

Sir Wesley Willis said...

Uhhh zero chance it's solely Baylor.

Curt McDurt said...

Hair, you are an idiot...that is all.

LOLfolding said...

If it weren't for Al Davis, everyone would talk about Mike Brown as the biggest lunatic in the league. More so than crazy ass Jerry - Mike Brown is NUTS.