Friday, September 30, 2011

Frog Talk / Ask-A-Frog: SMU is Still Poor

SMU Campus, September 30, 2011

Unfortunately our guest commentators have been vacationing in Columbia to prepare for Hate Week. They did send along a few thoughts and asked that I link to last year’s post b/c “honestly things have only gotten worse.”

Last Year’s Post – read before proceeding……otherwise you won’t have context.

Disciples of GP:
Before I get started, there are a couple things we need to get out of the way real quick. Some of the comments this week:

-PonyUp: But on the real, it is shocking how much you over-exaggerate drug use on smu's campus on this blog.

-Tyler Springer: Plus what up with the drug stereotype? There are no more here than any other college campus in the US.

ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?? That’s 3 OD’s in ONE semester for a school with 7,000 students.

Now on to something even more ridiculous: The FW Weekly Critics Name Spitblood the “Sportscaster or Sportswriter” of 2011.

Really?? I have to agree with Jerry Fraley’s 9/29 comment

You have got to be kidding? It is an Animal House site with some of the poorest sports witting ever. You should be embarrassed you even mentioned these losers. There are at least 4 other sites that are much better. In fact, has professional bloggers & writers that put these guys to shame. Was someone payed off here? Incredible!

While “payed” isn’t exactly a word Jerry- I do agree….something is up. I was even more suspicions of corruption when I saw that this chick

edged out all our showgirls for “Hottest Local Celebrity.”

Then I took a closer look at who else won awards….

-Watchdog: Some anti-gas drilling hippies called the North Central Texas Communities Alliance

-Unused P.R. Slogan: Some anti-gas drilling hippy slogan “Fort Worth: The Southwest’s Newest Industrial Slum”

-Print Journalist: Some anti-gas drilling hippy journalist named Peggy Heinkel-Wolfe, who I’m not familiar with but I’m sure hates drilling

Financial analysis of the Barnett Shale revealed that it has had a cumulative economic impact of $65.4 billion over the past decade…drilling makes TCU rich, and as you know from last year’s post, SMU is poor.

The FW Weekly is not a bunch of hipsters who hate hot chicks and drilling...I think what Jerry is onto is the fact the FW Weekly, by virtue of this award, has put Spitblood in bed with a bunch of anti-drilling leftists in an elaborate plot orchestrated by SMU to make TCU as public-school poor as they are by doing away with our drilling.

SMU has obviously scraped together all the money from their needle park friends and bought off the FW Weekly, but why throw awards at Spitblood and involve us in their scheme??

It’s simple “friends close, enemies closer” tactics….they’re hoping to blind the preeminent SMU hater Sir Wesley Wills to this diabolical plan by showering him and the rest of Spitblood with awards, Nevin Shapiro hooker yacht parties, and (of course) some Columbian white.

I for one will not stand for this Spitblood/SMU/Anti-drilling/FW Weekly Pact. That is why I’ll be joining Anonymous (9/23/2011 8:34 AM comment) in kicking all your trust fund asses at the tailgate this weekend. See you Saturday...bring the HATE.

Spit Blood Predictions: TCU vs. SMU

It's always interesting to me, during the week of TCU-SMU games, just how few people outside of the two fanbases really understand this rivalry. Sure, everyone knows that the Frogs and Mustangs are rivals, but not really the importance each school places on beating (or at least not losing to) the other. And really, I think I like it this way. I get so beat down by overplayed rivalries like Michigan-Ohio State, Yankees-Red Sox or Lakers-Celtics. I don't need some jagoffs in the suburbs of a city 3,000 miles away debating TCU-SMU...I like it just being between the two schools and their alumni.

So tomorrow at 2:30pm, we'll get the 91st edition of the Battle for the Iron Skillet- and this year's game might be the most hyped in quite a while. Now's the time for you to register your official predictions for the game- final score, outstanding players (on offense, defense and special teams) and the atmosphere as compared to TCU's previous two home games this fall. And if you feel like it, your prediction for the Rangers' ALDS series against Tampa Bay.

Hate Week Preview.

If scientists could create a drug that would temporarily disable these parts,
Tomorrow's game would be AWESOME.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I hate playing SMU. I actually think I hate the thought of playing SMU more than I actually hate them. It's a strange phenomenon because, truthfully, I've never actually had a legitimate reason to be wary of playing them before now. We've always clearly had the better team, even in 2005. It's just... their confidence... and arrogance... makes me want to put a letter opener into an electrical socket. And I hate it because this year the Ponies really do have a shot at winning assuming they jump out to an early lead. I've already resigned myself to this one being a dog fight. But then I see that we're a 12 point favorite... and that Cole Beasley isn't playing... and that Zach Line has a separated shoulder... and I just. can't. take it! Why do the sports gods keep teasing me like this? Why can't there just be an answer? WHY CAN'T WE HAVE A DEFENSE THAT DOESN'T GIVE UP UNDERNEATH PASSES AND A CROWD THAT DELIVERS A DECISIVE HOME FIELD ADVANTANGE??? AND WHY CAN'T I THIS CAPS LOCK key unstuck? Whew. There.

But really, what should we expect Saturday? Which TCU defense is going to show up? The mejia will have you believe that TCU has gotten better week by week defensively and if you look at the numbers it's true. However, it WOULD be true considering the quality of opponent has decreased substantially on a week to week basis, wouldn't it? Doesn't exactly help me sleep at night.

Enough grumbling though, on to the AWARD WINNING preview!

When them Frogs has that ball: I suppose I should start with the good stuff. Despite slow starts the past two weeks, the Frogs offense has been pretty damned great once they hit their rhythm. They've eclipsed 400 yards of total offense in all four games and have scored 35 points or more per game for the first time since 2005, which is pretty shocking when you consider how good Dalton's offenses were his last 2 seasons. TCU's offense is currently ranked 12th in the nation in points scored at 44, which is only half a point off last year's record pace. Not bad for a squad with 4 new offensive line starters, a new QB and without their leading rusher from the previous year. It's strange to think of TCU as an offensive minded team, but that's just what has happened under Fuenderson. The defense on the other hand... well, we'll get to that later.

First off, the big news of the week is the return of Ed Wesley. You'd be forgiven for letting this breeze past you based on the performance of Waymon James these past two weeks, but just imagine what he'll be like with a little extra rest while Wesley and Tucker take some snaps? And Wesley's return is pretty well timed as SMU is easily the best defensive front we've faced this year and, if trends hold, will face ALL year. At present they are only giving up 69 yards per game on the ground, including holding UTEP to 30 and Memphis to -14. Those are some Pattersonesque numbers right there. Of course we ARE talking about Memphis, UTEP and Northwestern State and when they played aggy they gave up 212 - 50 yards ABOVE aggys average - and 4 TDs. I'm not sure how our offense stacks up to that of the ags, but I'd say we're closer to them than we are to those other three. LBs Taylor Reed and the guy SnK referenced - I am not going to try and spell his name from memory - lead the way for the Pony front, racking up sacks and TFLs like their last names were Brock and Carder. They should present a pretty solid test for our boys up front, but if there's any team on SMUs schedule built to exploit run D deficiencies, I'll give us the nod.

If there is a weakness for SMU it's their relative inability to defend against the pass - we know something about that - giving up 188 yards per game. As an offense we are averaging 230.3 yards passing - a number that sounds lower than I imagined - and have 10 TDs. Clearly we seem to prefer "big" plays through the air for scores which, outside of the aggy game, is something the Ponies do not give up. However, they haven't been able to take advantage of too many errantthrows, only picking one on the year, and given Pachall will be one of the best QBs they face, here's to hoping that trend won't change this week. You'll hear a lot about Chris Banjo, but fellow DBs Ryan Smith and Kenneth Acker have actually been more productive. Still, aggy torched them through the air, UTEP did an admirable job and Memphis was at least proven to possess a real live actual QB with working arm. I'll give a little bit of credence to the UTEP win after watching a bit of their game against Houston last night, although it goes both ways. On the one hand, SMU held UTEP to 306 total yards; they had 533 last night. But on the other, SMU only put up 360 yards, a number that Houston doubled. It won't be a Baylor level aerial show for Pachall, but I think he'll be able to competently move the ball once our run game is done gashing the Ponies up front.

It won't be a points explosion for TCU, but assuming we can move the ball on the ground as we always have, there should be just enough openings in the secondary to zing a few deep balls.

Edge - Frogs.

When them Ponies has that ball: Aw geez, do we REALLY have to talk about it? As mentioned above, the good news is that leading WR Cole Beasley is, if not completely sidelined, at least hampered by an injury he suffered last week against Memphis. June Jones hasn't commented on the situation yet, so I wouldn't expect that to be known until gametime. Regardless, assuming he sits, the SMU and QB JJ McDermott are SEVERELY going to miss his catching ability as he leads the team in receptions with 31. He'd lead the team in yardage, too, if it weren't for his likely replacement, Darius Johnson and his 27 catches for 398 yards and 2 scores. You'll recall Darius Johnson as the young man who kept the Ponies in the game far longer than expected last year by leading the team with 72 yards, while Beasley had little impact. Fortunately Aldrick Robinson is no longer around, or we'd be looking at a very similar situation to last year, and that's not good for business.

The Ponies rank 15th in the country in passing yardage with 333 per game, and if that doesn't put the fear of God in you, I'm not sure what will. Ever since benching Yao, the SMU offense has kicked it up a notch and is more potent through the air now than they were all of last year with Mr. Write Check. So while you can't compare apples to oranges with different QB's, I'd say we have a lot more to watch out for this year than last. SMU averages 7.8 yards per pass and 13.5 yards per completion; the Frogs give up 7.8 yards per pass and 11.9 yards per completion. So... ferk.

And then of course there's Fatback Zach Line, who is second in the NCAA in rushing TDs with 11. I remember last year falling into the "fat white running back" trap and writing him off before he went and rushed for 139 yards against a defense FAR more talented than what we have this year. SMU only ranks 88th in overall rushing this year, and Line reportedly has a separated shoulder, although Felix Jones also had one this week and had the best game of his career. So... crap.

If there is one thing to latch onto its that SMU LOVES giving the ball away, having already tossed 6 picks - 3 for McDermott - and lost 6 fumbles. That's some symmetry I can get behind. At the same time though, our defense hasn't exactly been opportunistic, only picking two passes and forcing 6 fumbles. Look, I could go through our defensive statistics to fill some space here, but there's not really any reason to because you know them. We've improved, yes, but SMU is statistically MUCH closer to Baylor than they are to Air Force, ULM or PSU. The loss of Beasley hurts, and I think we will control Line better than we did last year, but I can't tell you we have an advantage here without being struck my lightning.

Edge - SMU.

Special Teams: TCU has two kick off returnmen with TDs, two shifty punt returners with big play abilities, a kicker who MAY have discovered the secret to success - hint: 7 hours of sleep and no sugar after 9- a punter who, despite one fail punt last week has put together a nice year and some of the better coverage teams in the country. The only battle SMU wins is of the "Margus Hunt has long arms" variety, so expect at least one blocked PAT. I'll be fair and point out that, as SMU hasn't let anyone score TOO much, they haven't had many return opportunities to show their business, but I feel confident in giving this one to the good guys.

Edge - Frogs.

What I Think Will Happen: Now, the hard part - how will this game play out? The SMU game is always a very difficult one to dictate beforehand because emotion plays such a large role. 2005 was won on emotion, and emotion kept the Ponies in the game a lot longer than we wanted last year. Fortunately, though, the Frogs seem to feed pretty well off the emotion of the home crowd, not having dropped a game in this series in FW since 1993 when the SWC was still in existence. Unfortunately, our home crowd has 99 problems and attendance IS one, although I have a pretty good feeling it will be filled up tomorrow. Personally, I think SMU is going to come out firing. Without Beasley, they're going to let Zach Line bang around and soften up our front and then dink and dunk our LBs and secondary to the point that GP may develop a heart defect on the sideline simply from watching. It's worked pretty well for everyone else we've played so I don't see why that would change. But, HSO? I don't think we give up a HUGE pass play. And let me qualify huge - I don't think we give up a pass play over 30 yards. There will be some 15-20 yarders, and perhaps even a 29.99 yarder or five, but nothing more. They're going to score points on us, and they're going to take an early lead, but those points won't be the back breaking kind. I think this is the week our secondary finally realizes they play for the 20th ranked team in the country and that losing to SMU AND Faylor in the same year is just not an option.

On offense, I see La Manga - La Mambo Manga? La Manga es Mambo? too far? - putting up a nice day with 200 yards and 2 TDs. But, same as it ever was, our run game is the engine that drives the train and, despite SMUs dominance on that side of the ball so far this year, I'm not sure they can stop a rotation of 4 competent backs, although I don't see Ed having major impact in his first week back. I've called for Aundre Dean to have a breakout the past couple of weeks - something I am NOT declaring this week - but I don't think any particular player is going to outshine the others. This is going to be a complete team effort from our backfield... and the home streak will continue.

The Pick - TCU - 34, SMU 27.

SMU2BCS: Broadcasting Delusion Across the WWW

This is your brain on drugs.

I'm too lazy to go back and track down which of our award winning blog comment leavers actually posted the link to this site a few weeks back, but I'm surprised nobody else mentioned this. I spent about 2 minutes looking at this and had to step away before I passed out from laughing.

Let's start from the top. The website says to "Be Heard!" because "Texas Legislators need to do what's best for Texas, and when it comes to college football, what's best for Texans is stabilizing the Big 12 ". I'm pretty sure that our Legislators should be worrying about much more important things that Texas football. Besides that, remember what happened the last time the state government got involved in football conference alignment? Oh yeah... TCU and SMU both ended up in the desert.
Besides... begging the government for help is so Commie. Is that why SMU wears red? Communist Ponies! (Fact: SMU chose red and blue because they so desperately want to be Ivy League that they bogarted Harvard and Yale's colors)
The site is pretty neat... and by neat I mean pathetic. They try to build up their athletic program and Dallas. But to do so, they have to stretch the truth in ways that would make Bill Clinton proud. For instance:

  • During its 100-year history, SMU has competed in a BCS conference for 85 years. (The Southwest Conference ended (1995) before the BCS existed (1998). To say that the SWC was in the BCS is like saying the United States defeated Santa Anna at San Jacinto.)
  • The “Football Capital of the World,” Dallas supports big-time college football and deserves a BCS conference school. (And yet, at this time, SMU is the highest level of football played more than once a year in Dallas. Dallas also gets the Red River Rivalry and the Cotton Bowl Classic... both of which beat out the average SMU football game attendance. Maybe Grambling State or Prairie View A&M deserve a BCS spot too. Oh, and the "Football capital of the world" title is debatable... many others claim that too.)
  • Dallas is the ninth-largest city and part of the fourth-largest metropolitan area in the nation. It’s also the No. 1 visitor and leisure destination in Texas. (Citation please... I see San Antonio mentioned more often than Dallas... of course, you'll note that here they mention Dallas as PART of the 4th largest metropolitan area which also includes Fort Worth and Arlington... more on that later).
  • Troy Aikman backs SMU to Big12 (They jump all over this, although they gloss over a slight insult: "I’d love to see SMU as a really great team again." as in "yeah, you guys are kinda okay I guess". Of course, this praise was given to the Ponies "prior to his luncheon appearance at SMU’s Athletic Forum at the Hilton Anatole" so really, what was he going to say while being paid to talk to SMUsers?"
There are also lots of pretty FB and Twitter buttons, Twitter feeds, and internet "news" that helps support their view.

And what about their nice "reasons" they they list in two different spots (totaling 15), some of which include:
  • ATHLETIC SUCCESS: Under head football coach June Jones, a former national coach of the year, SMU has earned consecutive bowl berths and won back-to-back division titles. Its men’s basketball team, led by former national coach of the year Matt Doherty, posted a 20-win season in 2010-11. SMU has won eight Team Championships, over 100 individual NCAA Championships, and 138 Conference Team Championships, while posting 147 NCAA Top-10 team finishes. (This is about FOOTBALL you morons... the BCS doesn't give a rat's ass about Basketball, Soccer, Volleyball, Tiddlywinks, Shot Contests, or how many hookers Craig James can kill (answer: 5). And yes, you had back to back Bowl Game appearances which were your only 2 appearances since the 1980's. And one of those YOU LOST TO ARMY ON YOUR HOME FIELD. You know who else has been to two bowl games in that same time frame? Rice.)
  • FINANCIAL COMMITMENT: SMU has the largest athletic budget of any non-AQ school. It’s committed to competing at the highest level of collegiate athletics, opening a new $60 million on-campus football stadium in 2000 and embarking on an $80 million plan to build new facilities and improve existing ones. (Isn't that cute? They spend more money to get less results that say, TCU or Boise State... hell, even Hawaii has made it to a BCS bowl. That doesn't seem like a plus, more like a "we spend a lot, but it doesn't help that much." Besides, TCU is spending more than your athletic budget on renovations to our stadium. And the Old AGC was better than that High School field the Ponies play on currently.)
  • STRONG ACADEMICS: SMU ranked first in the 2009-10 National Association of Collegiate Directors of Athletics Directors Cup Division I Final Standings. Further, The Economist ranks SMU’s Cox School of Business #1 in the United States for “Potential to Network” and five Cox School departments were recognized among the nation’s top business schools for research productivity based on more than 1.5 million scholarly citations. Only seven schools ranked in the top 30 in all five categories: SMU Cox, Harvard, Stanford, University of Chicago, MIT, NYU, and UCLA. (Again... it's about Football and money... nobody gives a shit about your academics... if it was about academics, the NCAA would've burned down the SEC years ago... in fact, there seems to be a much stronger inverse correlation to academics vs athletics when it comes to the BCS, so maybe you should erase this one.)
  • DALLAS: The ninth-largest city and part of the fourth-largest metropolitan area in the nation, Dallas is the No. 1 visitor and leisure destination in Texas. Home to the Big 12 Conference offices, Dallas is centrally located and within a four-hour flight from most North American destinations. DFW International Airport is the world’s third busiest airport, offering nearly 1,750 flights per day and providing non-stop service to 144 domestic and 44 international destinations worldwide annually. In addition, Dallas Love Field Airport is conveniently located 10 minutes from downtown. In 2011, Dallas became the first city to host the Super Bowl, the World Series, and the NBA Finals, all within the same 12-month period. (Blah, blah, blah, Dallas facts that the BCS doesn't give a shit about... also, let's get something straight, since you are so careful to never mention any city other than Dallas lest anybody remember that there is a team that can actually win BCS bowls on the West Side of the Metroplex: DALLAS only hosted the NBA Finals... ARLINGTON in TARRANT COUNTY next door to FORT WORTH hosted the World Series and the Super Bowl. Dallas taxpayers didn't put of jack shit to see those hosted there so quit claiming them in your BCS BS portfolio. Also, the Dallas Cowboys haven't called the city of Dallas home since 1971... currently they don't even reside in Dallas County. TCU has more claim to the SB, WS, and Cowboys at this point than SMU.)
  • SMU has won C-USA’s Directors’ Cup 11 times in the last 14 years. In the 2010-11 NACDA Directors’ Cup, which quantifies a school’s overall success in collegiate athletics, SMU finished ahead of Boston College, Colorado, Ole Miss, North Carolina State, Utah, Wake Forest, Oregon State, Washington State, Mississippi State, Rutgers and Kansas, all members of AQ conferences. (You finished 3 spots above TCU. We scored all 90 of our points in Football. You scored yours in Football (25 pts) and Men's Soccer (73 pts). Now I love soccer more than most, but once again THIS IS ABOUT AMERICAN FOOTBALL! Oh, and btw, did you know that there is no Men's Soccer in the Big 12? So if you get in there, then what?)
  • SMU is the only FBS athletic program in Dallas, a top 5 TV market and arguably the most football-intense region in the state/country. (Nice try... but either the Dallas Market includes Tarrant County in which TCU rules the college football landscape or it doesn't. You can't have it both ways. The Dallas/Fort Worth market is Top 5, not just Dallas. And besides, as any TCU fan will tell you, the Big 12 has more loyal TV viewers in the DFW market than TCU and SMU combined so this is a moot point.)
  • SMU is just one of two universities in the U.S. with former National Coaches of the Year leading its football and men’s basketball programs. (FOOTBALL! RESULTS! NO ONE GIVES A SHIT!)
  • Led by Matt Doherty, the SMU men’s basketball team is coming off a 20-win season in 2010-11. (sigh)
  • In terms of academics, SMU ranks among the top 25 BCS schools in the U.S., according to U.S. News & World Report’s 2011 guide of the best national universities. And SMU’s Cox School of Business is one of the few schools in the nation with three MBA programs ranked in the top 15 by Bloomberg Businessweek. (Because the BCS cares about MBA programs... right?)
  • SMU is home to the George W. Bush Presidential Center, consisting of the presidential archives, a museum, and an independent public policy institute. (Not really sure that is something to be proud of and further... NO... BODY... GIVES... A... SHIT!)
Basically, this is a website that probably includes more reasons why SMU should be ignored for the BCS than anything else. Fundamentally, this site proves that they just don't get it. Considering the site is run by "a group of SMU alumni and friends of the university", it should send up red flags that the people who seem to be the most concerned about their football team are utter morons who probably couldn't convince a hillbilly to suck down a Mountain Dew.

There is one extremely fun aspect to this site. If you go here, you can send a pre-written email to Lt. Gov. David Dewhurst, Speaker Joe Straus, and State Senator Judith Zaffirini that explains exactly why our government should ignore the fact that our state is falling apart and make sure that the Blow Ponies get into a BCS Football Conference because they are smart and have a good basketball team. But I did say there was a fun part, right? Well, you can "personalize" (ie, edit) the message before you send it. I'm going to say that SMU should go BCS because if they don't, Craig James will probably go all Jack the Ripper again. I may also include that SMU is willing to supply the Texas House with all the nose candy it wants.

Anyway, I hope that this meets the high standards of our award winning blog and that maybe ya'll won't think I just do incoherent posts about women's soccer and Ross Evans.

I leave you with this...

Who loves ponies?

Morning Dump

TCU coach Gary Patterson expects energy to return against SMU Star-Telegram

TCU-SMU: what you need to know Dallas Morning News

TCU faces challenge from SMU pass game ESPN

PPS Campaign 2011 - $10 A Win

It's time to get back to the best that we do, and that's raising money for the Purple People Seaters. Our annual golf tournament was a huge success this year, raising over $4,000 and I want to capitalize on the momentum we have going.

Last year we tried to get readers to pledge 1 dollar for every point of victory. This was a great idea in theory until we started pounding everyone we played. People's pockets wore thin and dropped off the donation train. In fact, we had 2 readers actually live up to their pledge which ended up being $385 (a small price to pay for such a magical season).

This year's campaign: $10 A Win

Our goal this year is to get 100 readers to pledge $10 a win. Now I know it's the end of the month, and $30 is already owed, but payday is just around the corner and hopefully you will owe $40 on Monday. Let's get on board and start helping out this incredible organization by clicking here to donate. There will also be a sidebar button, and a Dave creation that will track our fund raising progress.

Thank you to all the readers who have donated in the past. We collectively have enabled PPS to take hundreds of underprivileged kids to football games and other sporting events throughout the last few years, and I'm proud to say we are their biggest supporter.

Thursday, September 29, 2011


A very small percentage of individuals may experience epileptic seizures when exposed to certain light patterns, mediocre athletic programs, or flashing lights. Exposure may induce an epileptic seizure in these individuals.

If you, or anyone in your family, have an epileptic condition, or attended SMU, please consult your physician prior to playing this week's hate filled video.

Note: For full effect, crank up your headphones and watch in a dark corner of your life.

Frog Club Luncheon

I have made it to almost every luncheon the past 2 or 3 years, until this year, today was my first. Not for the lack of relishing every chance I can get to drool over the words that come out of GMFP, but damn thing has been sold out every week this year, which to my limited knowledge has never happened.

- Get in the stands, Gary and his squad are pissed at you, yes I mean you. Some in the crowd chuckled as if Gary was doing a lil skit up there, yeah laugh, think its funny. We work out in this heat every day all week, and people wont come into the game because of it. If your going to do something then do it, if your going to be out in the heat then get in the stands. No point blaming the heat when you in the same heat in the parking lot. I think Gary realized he scared some people and tried to lighten the mood, he knows its hot, he changes outfits during halftime. What! that's not the same mock turtleneck from the first half?!? But crowd took notice of the coaches intense demeanor, because first time I have ever seen no questions asked after he gets done with his little speech.

-Justin Fuente welcomed a new kiddo to his family this week, a lil baby girl Catherine or Kaitlyn Rose Fuente.
Voice of the Frogs "yeah, guess which TCU bowl game she was named after?" But alas Patterson refuted such connection, damn dream crusher

-Patterson pointed out that he has never lost at home to schmoo, but quickly flipped that and explained how this will be the most evenly matched game he has played against them, and that pony/donkey show was more physical than the frogs last year

-Frog Bucks at work, players received their scholarship money for the month of October this week, so they will be well fed. Said they go scrounge around for food at the end of every month cuz they run out.

-Spencer Thompson has the O-Line over to his house for a lil BBQ from time to time, which they smoke 80lbs of brisket. Kobayashi check yourself. talks TCU-SMU

The folks at caught up with SMU defensive coordinator Tom Mason to talk about the upcoming game. I would normally insert something here to denegrate SMU, but Mason seems like a good guy and is pretty complimentary of the Frogs.

This Weekend's Games of Interest

Boise State (3-0) vs. Nevada (1-2) ~ 1:30pm Saturday on Versus
-Nevada nearly beat Tech in Lubbock last week, now they'll take a shot at Blue Tech on the blue turf. I'd love to say I think the Wolfpack have a chance to knock off the Broncos for a second straight year, but watch for Kellen Moore & company play as motivated as they will all season in this one.

Colorado State (3-1) vs. San Jose State (3-0) ~ 3:00pm Saturday on The Mtn
-The Rams took advantage of four turnovers by Utah State as they came back from being down eight with under a minute left in regulation to win, 35-34, in double OT. SJSU broke into the win column for the first time this fall with a 34-24 win over New Mexico State (who previously beat Minnesota- way to go, Big Ten!) last week.

Air Force (2-1) at Navy (2-1) ~ 11:00am Saturday on CBS
-The Falcons bounced back from their loss to TCU by beating up on Tennessee State last week, 63-24, in a game where they rolled up nearly 800 yards of total offense. This weekend, they take dead aim on the Commander in Chief's Trophy (which is a HUGE deal to the academies) when they travel to Annapolis to take on the Midshipmen of the Naval Academy. Navy is coming off of a tough 24-21 loss at South Carolina in which they actually led the Gamecocks in the fourth quarter.

New Mexico (0-4) vs. New Mexico State (1-3) ~ 7:00pm Saturday on The Mtn
-I can't lie, I was really looking forward to bringing up Mike Lockley's $750,000 salary every week leading up to the Lobos' October 22nd trip to Fort Worth, at which time I'd post something longer about the complete absurdity of that figure. Apparently his 2-25 record at UNM, the sexual harrassment suit filed against him by an athletic department employee and his punching of an assistant coach in the face was still worthy of keeping the job. But losing to Sam Houston and having a recruit arrested for DWI in a car he owned last Saturday finally did it. Nowhere to go but up for them, now.

San Diego State (3-1), Wyoming (3-1), and UNLV (1-3) are idle this week.

TCU non-conference opponents:

Baylor (3-0) at Kansas State (3-0) ~ 2:30pm Saturday on ABC
-Robert Griffin has just been ridiculous so far this year, and is deservedly getting some legitimate Heisman consideration. This week he takes his show up to the Little Apple to take on a Wildcats squad that beat Miami with a last-minute goal-line stand last week.

BYU (2-2) vs. Utah State (1-2) ~ 7:00pm Friday on ESPN
-I actually watched most of BYU's win over Central Florida last week and had previously watched most of their loss to Texas. Combined with the 44-point loss they suffered to Utah, I have to say I'm really not all that impressed with the Scientologists. They'll be looking for revenge in this one after their 31-16 loss to the Aggies last year.

Portland State (2-1) at Idaho State (2-2) ~ 2:30pm Saturday
-The Vikings will look to regroup from their loss in Fort Worth last weekend against the Bengals of ISU, who lost to Northern Arizona last weekend 20-3.

Louisiana-Monroe (1-3) is idle this weekend.

South Florida (4-0) at Dead-to-me Pitt (2-2) ~ 7:00pm tonight on ESPN
-I'm sure many of you will be busy watching the only decent night of network television, but this game is pretty big for the teams left in the Big East once Pitt & Syracuse leave...whenever that might be. If you go by both of these teams' results against Notre Dame (USF won 23-20 in South Bend and Pitt lost 15-12 at home), it should be a good night for the good guys.

West Virginia (3-1) vs. Bowling Green (3-1) ~ 2:30pm Saturday on
-Did you know that the Mountaineers actually outgained LSU by nearly 170 total yards last week? Yet they still lost by four touchdowns- go figure. They ought to get back to winning this week, although Bowling Green is probably one of the better teams in the MAC.

Cincinnati (3-1) at Miami-Ohio (0-3) ~ 12:00noon Saturday on
-If you'd told me a month ago how much of a beatdown the Bearcats would put on NC State in Week 4, I would've been pretty excited. But I guess the whole Big East/ACC thing is moot now, huh? Either way, Cincy looked good- led by running back Isaiah Pead's 167 yards.

Rutgers (2-1) at Dead-to-me Syracuse (3-1) ~ 11:00am Saturday on
-In case you've missed the fuss, Syracuse beat Toledo in overtime last week with the help of a "how did you miss that" call by the officials. All tinfoil hat "they're trying to prop up Syracuse before they move to the ACC" conspiracy theories aside, my guess is their luck runs out and the Scarlet Knights win this one in the un-air conditioned dome named for an air conditioning company.

Louisville (2-1) vs. Marshall (1-3) ~ 2:30pm Saturday on
-The Cardinals have had two weeks to celebrate their win over Kentucky, but return to action this week against the Thundering Herd- who lost 30-10 at Virginia Tech last weekend.

UConn (2-2) vs. Western Michigan (2-2) ~ 2:30pm Saturday on
-You'll probably be following this one on your phone during the TCU game on Saturday, but...I'm sorry, I'm so uninterested in this game that I don't even feel like finishing the sarcastic comment.

I Believe Freddie Mercury Wrote a Song About This...

Ah yes, that's it!

Counselorfrog blasted it off earlier, but considering the only notable recognition we typically get involves being called "dickbreath" or getting jumped by middle aged men in the parking lot after Frog games, we're going to milk this thing for all its worth. Yes folks, just in case you missed it, we are, indeed, the blogchampions of the Fort Worth World. LOOK!!


I'll be honest - I don't know how many eyes the FW Weekly reaches, but I'd have to imagine this is the most significant amount of free publicity we've ever received. So for that we owe the FW Weekly a BIG thanks, not only for the nod, but for clearly being regular readers.

Spitblood's success has been pretty surprising, although I guess it really shouldn't be considering our timing. Our coming into existence perfectly coincided with the beginning of the Dalton era and, like Dalton, we took our lumps early before turning into what we are now: An AWARD WINNING blog with over 2000 visits per day that has been consistently breaking reader records on a near month to month basis. Pretty good for a site that originally established as an outlet for around 10 of us newly minted alums to obsess about the Frogs and use dirty words under the cover of anonymity. So, in a way, we owe our success to Andy Dalton, but mostly to an overwhelming lack of maturity on the part of our readership. It goes without saying we can't do it without you guys. Give yourselves a big ole pat on the back!

Since I'm an obvious trust fund baby who has no grasp of reality and what it means to operate within the confines of the REAL world, I suppose I enjoy writing for spitblood because it allows me an escape from my coddled reality to channel my TCU obsession into a public outlet. I always enjoy commenter feedback and its been especially satisfying learning your digitized personalities as well as watching the commentariat grow and become more bold. Clearly some of the things I write are more self indulgent than others - from the folks who know me, the most common thing I hear is, "Great article the other day... but I only finished about half of it," - but hey, at least it gets people reading on a daily basis. Knowledge is power, minions. I wouldn't recommend teaching your child to read via Spitblood because aside from the dirty language our syntax skills are deplorable at best. But if we're helping at least one person rekindle that literary flame, we've done our jobs. Ha, just kidding - we've done our jobs when we get your blood pressure boiling by reiterating Craig James' habit of slaying streetwalkers. Wikipedia told me so, so it must be true!

We'll have more throughout the next few weeks from our other contributors, as well as highlight some of the bigger moments in SB history, including a pretty significant anniversary on the horizon. But - starting a sentence with a preposition? See what I mean about that syntax thing? - lest it look like I'm taking all the credit, I'll wrap this up succinctly with a video response to everyone who thinks Spitblood is kitschy and should be put down to the tune of a Sarah McLachlan song:

The cool ones include all of our contributors - especially Snk, spitpurple, lyle and notably thefinch for setting in motion this deranged forum in the first place -, sponsors - plural, thanks Varsity and Powers & Curtis! - the FW Weekly, SB friendly sites such as PM and Horned Frog Sports and, most importantly, our entire army of readers who keep coming back despite myriad other distractions and losing to Baylor.

I think you can guess who the other folks in that video are. Viva Los Spitblood!

Hate Week Players To Watch: SMU Mustangs

I've been mostly absent with the hate this week, because nobody can compare to the hate that our very own Sir Wesley Willis has for the Mustangs, so I'll keep the players to watch mostly football related. However, I am curious as to why SMU's mascot is the Mustangs, yet you often hear them referred to as the Ponies and their saying is "Pony Up". If someone can explain this to me in the comments section, I'd greatly appreciated it. I mean, a mustang is a grown horse, and I'm pretty sure it's more specifically a wild horse, at least according to wikipedia, so that's actually kind of cool. Kind of. So why would they completely gay it up and willingly call themselves the Ponies? That's something Aggies would do in a lame attempt to disparage your program. I mean, a mustang looks something like this, yet SMU willingly refers to themselves as this. Not very intimidating. Alright, but if their mascot is actually the Mustang, they'd have a real mustang as a mascot, right? Nope, they've got the gayest mascot since the Hawaii Rainbow. Alright, so maybe it's gayer. Anyways, I guess it's time for me to get focused on players to watch, although making fun of the nonsensical nature of SMU's mascot confusion has been pretty fun.

Offense: WR Der'rikk (I'm not making that up) Thompson (RS Fr. 5'11 188, #7)

Der'rikk Thompson
Once you look past the incredibly unique spelling of his name, Thompson (I'll refer to him by last name going forward so I don't have to constantly double check my spelling) emerged last week as a big play WR for the MustPonies in their 42-0 shutout of god-awful Memphis. Before last week, Thompson hadn't made a catch, but with go-to WR Cole Beasley hurting his knee, Thompson broke through with 6 catches for 104 yards, including a 44 yard TD. Beasley will be out against the Frogs this week as well, so Thompson will be asked to fill the void again, along with leading receiver Darius Johnson. Hopefully SMU will continue to experience garbage QB play that has plagued them since June Jones arrived, and former New Mexico State Aggie JJ McDermott will find our defensive backs on occasion the way the Yao Ming Clone he replaced did for us last year.

For those wanting me to profile SMU fatback Zach Line, I chose not to for a few reasons: I picked him as a player to watch last year and he went on to gut our defense, he has a separated shoulder, not that it matters, and I worry much more about teams passing on us than I do them running. Also, I already profiled one chubby loudmouth RB from Baylor this season and he went on to run for 100 yards in the first half. Call me superstitious, but I'm not giving him my time today.

Defense: LB Ja'Gared Davis (Jr. 6'1 220, #56)

Ja'Gared, which I'm told is Latin for "The Garrett", has 20 tackles on the young season, 3 1/2 for loss, including 1 1/2 sacks, has forced a fumble, intercepted a pass, broken up 4 passes while defensing 5, and recovered a fumble for a touchdown. Most of these stats came against UTEP, a game where he was named the Bronko Nagurski national defensive player of the week. Since he's about the only SMU defensive player to ever garner any national attention in ages, I will go ahead and give him the nod as the defensive player to watch this week, although players like LB Taylor Reed and 14th year Senior safety Chris Banjo are much more important to their sudden defensive emergence, if you wanna give them credit for that. Also, as I mentioned last year, SMU has a dude from Estonia named Margus Hunt playing defensive end/kick block extraordinaire, but I cant think of Estonia without thinking of this.

Go Frogs. SMU sucks. I hope it's a complete bloodbath Saturday. If I stir up any hate between now and Saturday I'll make sure to share with all of you.

*I was tempted to replace every hyperlinked player with a story of an SMU drug overdose or some SMU drug tale, but the amount of stories that appeared when I googled it outnumbered the amount of players I mentioned above, and I didn't feel fair choosing some and not all of them. Sorry for the boring links to their actual names and face.

Spitblood Voted Best Blog on the Planet

You know exactly who 'you' are...suck it

Well, ok, maybe not the best on earth, but according to Fort Worth Weekly Spitblood is the critics choice for best "Sportscaster or Sportswriter" for 2011. No, this is not a joke.

"Sportscaster or Sportswriter - Readers Choice - Dale Hansen, Critics choice: The bloggers at"

"Spitblood, a reference to what horned frogs do when angered, is home to the most comprehensive TCU football coverage on the internet. The nine bloggers are young alumni who write with irreverence, but don't let them fool you. They know almost as much about their school's Rose Bowl winning program as the coaching staff does and communicate that knowledge with skill and attitude. Though readers would likely pay for the top-notch information, the Spitblood fellas give away their words out of pure love for the game"

Take that Frog Face Sit Blog or whatever you are. Yeah, you who ranked Spitblood as the #6 TCU blog on the interweb. Fort Worth Weekly thinks that we are irreverent (that's good right? little help here), and better than Dale freakin Hansen. Spitblood has basically become more famous than the man who brought down the entire SMU football program! I mean he is one of our heros, especially during hate week. And now, we are better than him. You could say that we are now more than famous, maybe even infamous? And no that other site, no one's trust fund went to the Weekly to pay for this. There are much better things to use that cash on.

Anyway, none of this would happen if it wasn't for TheFinch who put together this whole thing. And of course Sirwesley, Lyle and S&K who, despite having semi-legitimate jobs, still find a way to post the vast majority of all the content on here. Also Spitpurple, who for the past 4 years has been delivering some of the best dumps that two spoons fulls of Metamucil can provide, and who can forget D for making the blog actually look respectable. Keep up the good work fellas. Especially, thank you from all the SB family to the good folks at the Fort Worth Weekly for recognizing excellence when you see it. There are plenty out there who have yet to get it. Everyone be sure and go out and pick up their newest issue (it's free, you have no excuses) so you know we didn't just make all this up. Watch your back ESPN, we are coming for you next.
Best of Fort Worth

Morning Dump

TCU's Kenny Cain steps in for injured linebacker Star-Telegram

TCU and SMU to renew old rivalry Saturday

Ponies have problem if top WR is out

Baseball to scrimmage Central Arkansas Sunday

Athletic Department:
Notes on a scorecard

Boschini operating TCU is like running a city Star-Telegram

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Movement Watch: Week 5.

Lot of games to check this week, so let's get to it. We're going AP this week because that's how ESPN lists their schedule and I'm lazy.

Potential Movement, High:

#16 South Florida @ Pitt. Thursday, 7:00PM. ESPN. A Thursday night treat that could be in our future should the Big East not dissolve in the next year. South Florida has relatively cruised to a 4-0 record on a back of a high scoring offense and cupcake filled sched while Pitt has suffered two pretty crushing losses in back to back weeks against Iowa and Notre Dame. However, as those two teams were Iowa and Notre Dame, and both were at home, I'm not sure what Pitt is really working with in Todd Graham's first season under the headset. USF likely wins this one, but a Pitt loss could send the Bulls tumbling.

#14 aggy vs. #18 Arkansas. Saturday, 11:00AM. ESPN. You see what happens aggys and razorbacks? You see what happens when you lose your biggest games of the year on national television IN THE ASS??!? You get the 11:00AM ESPN treatment. Keep that in mind when heading to FW Saturday AM, Eastern-ites. Arkansas was mostly run out of Tuscaloosa by the Alabama Defense on one side and a hearty dose of Trent Richardson on the other, while aggy perfected a second half collapse so succinctly it almost brought tears to my eyes... which it later did when I remembered I had the over. This game should be a whole lot of fun as aggy was officially invited into the SEC this week and almost immediately becomes Arkansas' #1 rival. An arky loss here almost certainly moves us past them in the rankings, but we can't REALLY pull for aggy, can we? I think they'll drop with a loss, anyway.
#15 Baylor @ Kansas State. Saturday, 2:30PM. ABC <----- NOT a misprint. Baylor? On ABC? When they aren't playing UT or Oklahoma? Color me shocked. I highly suggest putting this one on mute because the Robert Griffin slurp will be at peak levels, although I have to admit that his 13 TD/12 Incompletion ratio is ok. JUST ok. Kansas State is coming off the school's biggest non-con win in years after taking out Miami, FL while Baylor has mostly feasted on softies with poor defenses... and I realize what that means for us. I'm really excited to pull for Kansas State in this one.

#17 Texas @ Iowa State. Saturday, 6:00PM. Always Sunny In Philadelphia Channel. Remember that time last year when Iowa State beat Texas in Austin? That was cool. It's a longer shot this year, especially now that Texas seems to have found a QB that isn't a complete failure and Mack realized that giving the ball to your top recruit from last season is GOOD for results. However, ISU has a QB named Steele Jantz. That's just a good name. Oh, and fuck Texas.

Potential Movement, Low:

#13 Clemson @ #11 Virginia Tech. Saturday, 5:00PM. ESPN2. Aww, lookit the cute lil Clemson! They're so happy! Too bad they're going to get not winned Saturday. I'm thinking the loser of this one still stays above us, though.

#10 South Carolina vs. Auburn. Saturday, 2:30 PM. CBS. As long as QB Stephen Garcia doesn't play like a complete idiot - FAR from guaranteed - USC should come out with a win. But doesn't it feel like they're due for a loss soon? Upset special.

ESPN Approved Jumpers:

#21 Georgia Tech @ North Carolina State. Saturday, 2:30PM. ESPN. Do you like football? Do you like FREE money? Georgia Tech -9.5 for a million dollars should do the trick! GT most certainly jumps us with the W.

#22 West Virginia vs. Bowling Green. Saturday, 2:30PM. Remember that time WVU almost had 600 yards of offense and STILL lost by nearly 4 TDs? Cause it was last week. They'll score lots of points and win this week.
#24 Illinois vs. Northwestern. Saturday, 11:00AM. ESPN2. Double upset special - Northwestern may eat poop, but Illinois cannot keep winning. They may have fired Schultz, but that bad mojo don't wash easy. Like the clap.

Decent potential for movement this week, but I can't see us going more than a couple of spots in either direction. And we still have to win our game, which is the opposite of a sure thing. Unlike the clap in Lubbock.

Conference Realignment Drama

We finally know that Texas A&M will indeed be jumping to the SEC next year, although I'm still not sure why it took so long for it to become official. But that slow-cooking rumor turning real has only given the rumor mill new life, as "journalists" and other gossip-mongers around the country continue to churn out hypotheticals. Let's take a look at the latest, but fair warning: take these all with a grain of salt.

Pickens favors adding TCU to Big 12 -Time Griffin of the San Antonio Express-News

Top 5 candidates for Big 12 expansion are BYU, West Virginia, Louisville, Cincinnati & South Florida -Some dude named Greg Swaim from something call "Big Time Sports"

The Big 12's four candidates are BYU, West Virginia, Louisville & Boise State -John Wilner of the San Jose Mercury-News

Syracuse leaves Big East for woman named Misti
-The Onion

Hate Week Mailsack.

When we first pitched the idea of the mailsack, we weren't sure what kind of response we were going to get so we really had no expectations for how often it would run. Truthfully, it just seemed like it would be nice filler for a slow day. But thanks to our thousands upon thousands of readers who have absolutely flooded our inbox with queries, we're going to make it 2/2 right out of the gate!

Reader Micah starts us off with a few SMU related jokes...How many SMU students does it take to fix a flat tire?

Answer................... Two, one to hold the martinis while the other calls Daddy.
How does an SMU sorority girl change a light bulb?

"Daddy! I need a new apartment."

Thanks for the contribution Micah, and jokes at SMU's expense are always appreciated. However, I fear pro-SMU factions are likely using the same jokes against TCU and they'd be just as correct. And drinking and driving is never funny, unless it lacks death and involves an SMU student going to jail.

Reader Lindsay defends our shit fans...
I've heard all the BS about unloyal fans who would rather tailgate than return to the 2nd half. One thing that's been forgotten is that is was 90* sunny and damn hot. I saw many fans sweating their asses off and little kids crying from the heat. It always amazes me that like the Texas Rangers we schedule games in the middle of the day in September. Add in that we already had 71 days of 100* temps and it's a no brainer-- the pop ups are cooler in the parking lots. To all those bitching about the stands being empty try playing a night game or add a roof to the stadium!

To give credit where credit is due, it was pretty damned hot in that stajium Saturday and I don't think anyone forgot that, but come now. 90 degrees? It's not exactly the Gobi desert. And have you been in the parking lot? I would argue that with all that black asphalt absorbing the harmful UVA and UVB rays, it's actually much hotter out there.

While I agree with you that the scheduling of games at 1 o'clock in the afternoon isn't exactly fan friendly, let's not forget the two reasons for this situation: Television and, you know, GETTING A KICK ASS NEW STAJIUM!! Can't you folks read the press releases? You may not have noticed, but Amon G is currently an open construction site. Probably not the best idea to have 30,000 "lubed up" jagovs wandering about, no? Hey, it's not the ideal situation, but you can't honestly expect to just wake up one day and have everything fixed. It takes time. No pains no gains.

Really, the fan support Saturday wasn't terrible... on the East Side. For the first half I'd venture a guess that it was 95% full. It's the assholes on the west side who are screwing this thing up for everyone and, more specifically, the folks in club seats. You can complain about the heat all you want, but the sun rises in the east and sets in the west! The west side is shaded! Astronomy, bitches!

Normally I'd attribute it to parking lot loitering, but check out Lot 3 this weekend, which is where they moved all the folks who likely qualified for the club seats. Unless history suddenly reverses itself, there were MAYBE 5 total tailgates in that entire lot. What we have here are all the haves putting on adult diapers and pouting at home because their tailgates were temporarily moved for the sake of progress. So I'm attributing it to them not showing up at all rather than them enjoying the tailgating atmosphere in lieu of the game.

To be honest, I don't get as riled up about lack of fan support as a lot of folks that frequent this site because it's just not worth it. It's always going to be that way until we're in the Big 12. And it's sad, but it is what it is. But using the start time and heat as an excuse? Give me a break. This is Texas and it's hot in Texas in September. If you can't handle it, buy a Prius and stay indoors and pleasure yourself to An Inconvenient Truth.

Reader Lalo thinks we're racists...So didn't know y'all frat boys don't take to kind to non Anglos. I was a long time reader but will now remove my app. As a tcu alum myself and true fan. I still love ALL tcu family, Anglo or non anglo. Don't forget, you pilgrim offspring, your ancestors were "foreigners" too. Dick breath!

Hey Lalo, thanks for reading! I don't know what got you so riled up, but boy, you sure are angry. First off, an apology for whatever rubbed you the wrong way. Admittedly, rubbing folks the wrong way is kind of our MO here, but doing so in a racist manner is certainly the opposite of what we're about. Believe it or not, not all of the contributors to this site are "frat boys" and not all of them are anglo. And have you ever read the way we've deified guys like Waymon James, Josh Boyce, Antoine Hicks, Ed Wesley, Braylon Broughton, Stansly Maponga, Tejay Johnson, Jeremy Kerley, Jimmy Young... well, you get it. I'd actually venture a guess to say we're much tougher on the anglos. Just ask Ross Evans. Regardless, clearly something did not suit your expectations for the site and again, all apologies. Hopefully you'll be come back around.

Also, I opened a new tube of Colgate this morning and my breath tastes remarkably minty and fresh, thank you very much.

Reader Tyler suggests Pachall needs a nickname. I agree...What should the official nickname for Pachall be? It seems like he's got a lot of good things to work with... for Dalton all we had was the Rooster, or Red something, or The Less Creepy (Tebow) Christian Quarterback:

Professor Chaos -- a good one for obvious reasons.
Casey, the Creator -- another one referencing the pictures that popped up this summer
The Convict -- because he looks like either Nicolas Cage from Con Air or a guy I could see playing quarterback opposite Michael Vick in the inter-jail football league.
Brett Favre -- because we wears #4
Dr. Strangelove - again referencing the strange pictures from the summer.

It's true that a QB really isn't a QB until he has a proper nickname, but he probably needs a full season under his belt before we can officially decide. I'm always partial to Casey, the Creator because of its timely brilliance, but I think Casey's play this year has earned him the right to put that whole episode behind him. Brett Favre is clearly not going to fly with this crew, and the Convict is a little aggressive and antagonizing. I'd say of your suggestions Professor Chaos has the most potential, but here are a few more I came up with just now. Readers, please contribute your own in the comments.

-The Notorious PAC. Would also work with his initials C_P, but I do not know his middle name.
-Six PAC - cause TDs, sicko.
-The Tatted Assassin, or the Tatsassin
-Magic Sleeve
-Fine Line Ink - OSU tattoo parlor, potential to work with here which I clearly did not.
-The Brownwood Bomber
-Brownwood's Finest
-Professor Long Hair
-James Fry's Fart Catcher

Seriously readers, help us out.

Finally, our last reader had a photo contribution to keep you warm during Hate Week:

Oh Ponies. Never change. HATE HATE HATE!!

Morning Dump

Frogs' offense keeps the beat with Pachall Star-Telegram

Patterson meets with media

TCU-SMU rivalry alive and well ESPN

SMU looking for first win at SMU since 1993 AP

Defenses enter 'Skillet' clash with something to prove
Dallas Morning News

SMU's top receiver likely out vs TCU
Dallas Morning News

Future appears bright for Dalton
Dayton Daily News

Victor Boschini: The TT interview Texas Tribune

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Lessons in SMU Hate: The Curse of the James Gang.

No Caption Necessary.

Can we just take a minute to stare mind-numbingly at the imagine above and acknowledge that it is A)Real and B) the most intense application of cheek blush this side of a Raggedy Andy Doll. Just. Immaculate.

For those of you who missed the initial EDSBS uncovering of this masterpiece - and I did - a little back story: Back when Craig James was fresh off of destroying his college program and not winning Super Bowls in New England, he apparently roped his offensive line mates into a haphazard singing ensemble, the results of which you can listen to HERE.

Seriously, give it a listen.

I don't even know how to describe what just belched out of my computer speakers. It's like Toby Keith and a shitty 80s music producer had an AIDS baby and named it Craig James. The composition of this track is just... bizarre. Look at the key elements. Aimless guitar soloing? CHECK. A drumbeat pumped infused with so much disco and overproduced to the point of sounding like it may have been created via synthesizer? CHECK. LAZERS?? BIG CHECK. A lead singer that is not Craig James despite James having his face on the album sleeve and the group being named The JAMES Gang? Pretty sure that's a check, which makes this whole thing even more curious.

Let's have a breakdown of some the lead track, the cleverly named "The James Gang", stanza by stanza shall we?

Like a bullet from the east that's heading westbound
The James Gang is the name that says it all
If a Bear gets in our way we'll stop and blow it away
The James Gang is the greatest of 'em all!

So here's some perspective on the timing of the release of this jam. It was apparently following the 1986 Super Bowl. The New England Patriots had just gotten put in a dark shed by the Chicago Bears in Super Bowl XX, except this dark shed was taken to a field and napalmed to the tune of 46-10. Craig James had put together a pretty solid little year, tallying 1277 yards and 7 TDs. So you can understand "The Great White Hope's" frustration when his team not only got R'd by one of the great defenses to ever take the field in the '85 Bears, but James himself was held to 1 yard on 5 carries. I think I mentioned this in an earlier Hate post regarding James' performance, but that's only one more yard than I have contributed in a Super Bowl. That is not very good.

It should be mentioned that the Bears recorded "The Super Bowl Shuffle" - the musical composition by which all future athlete-helmed musical competitions are judged - during that year. So not only is James suggesting that he would "Kill a Bear" that got in their way during the next season, but he's stealing said Bear's original idea in the first place. I suppose imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, but James is clearly being fickle here, attempting to take a piss out of the Bears for the Super Bowl shuffle while at the same time suggesting revenge. And, as I alluded to earlier, I'm pretty sure no member of the New England Patriots actually took part in the composition of the song. When you consider that James is one of the most fickle, narcissistic personalities in sports today, it's kind of giggle worthy that he doesn't even have the confidence to personally follow through with his own taunt.

You can't stop em, you can't fight em
so its best you dont invite em
The James Gang is the greatest of 'em all

This line will repeat soon, because it's so genius and true.

(guitar wank bridge and mumbled talk about other Patriots players...)

Well Jesse's claim to fame is he's the fastest
No there ain't no stoppin' lightnin' when it strikes

Pretty sure the aforementioned '85 Bears would beg to differ...

If you're scared of losin', scared of fightin'
well my advice is you don't invite em
87 is their year
bet your hearts are filled with fear
dont you come near the James gang

Alright, so here is where our history lesson cranks back up. Let's pick up our Heroes in the James Gang for the 1986-87 season, shall we? That season the Patriots finished 11-5, winning the AFC East and earning themselves a date with the Denver Broncos in the Divisional Playoffs, where they inevitably lost. It was the second time that year the Broncos had beaten the Patriots. As it turns out, 87 wasn't their year and your heart apparently wasn't filled with fear if you played for the Seahawks, Jets, Bengals or 49ers and especially the Broncos. I'll get to James' numbers in a moment when the song dictates, but let's just say he was dreaming of former glories with Uncle Rico instead of making things happen on the field.

(extended guitar wank bridge)

somewhere in the distance they'll be waitin'
to put unlucky travelers to shame
no matter how you try ain't no way they'll pass you by
they'll be runnin' you in circles till you die.

Holy shit are we still talking about football? This song just got DARK!

Jesse's gettin' ready for the big one
soon the whole wide world will know his name
he's the fastest, he's the leanest
he'll leave your scoreboard... cleanest?
It's 100 points to none! In the Pasadena sun!
The James Gang is #1!

And here our story gracefully ends. Super Bowl XXI was played in beautiful Pasadena at the Rose Bowl, a venue Craig James only knows about from television because he sure as hell never played for or supported a team who played there. The Patriots were nowhere to be found as the 49ers crushed those same Broncos who Craig's boys just simply could not beat. As for "soon the whole wide world will know his name?" Well, it depends on your definition of "soon" as during the 86-87 season James only rushed for 427 yards and 4 TDs on 157 carries. So I guess there was some truth to that whole "he'll leave your scoreboard cleanest" chat. Probably not gaining many new followers with that line.

Two years later James was out of the league altogether.

No one really heard much from James after that until ESPN threw him a lifeline, and now it appears we'll never be rid of him. Which leads me to a hypothesis - You've all heard of the Curse of the Bambino, where Bostonians believe that by trading Babe Ruth to the Yankees they sealed their fate as losers for the better part of a century. Could there be a new, previously unspoken curse in Boston sports lore? Think about it - as much as we hate Craig James, we'd be silly to suggest his near 1300 yard 1985 regular season wasn't at least marginally impressive. So James and the Patriots went on the lose the Super Bowl, and shortly after "The James Gang" was recorded. An act of hubris such as recording a song predicting unrealistic exploits is typically met with demise. Pride comes before the fall, as the saying goes, and from there James' playing career, as well as the success of the Patriots, went pretty sharply downhill.

That is, downhill until the early aughts when the Patriots went on their Super Bowl tear and James was given a new lease on life with ESPN, almost perfectly coinciding with the Red Sox and Celtics winning titles and culminating with the NHL's Bruins taking the Stanley Cup this year.

So what does it all mean?

Perhaps Babe Ruth and God brokered a deal where the Babe agreed to get God to let him off the hook if one day a white running back would lead Boston to a Super Bowl berth and then record an opportunistic song about it? Even God in his all seeing, all knowing ways couldn't have predicted that one, eh? So the Babe was able to pass the buck to James once the great Satan ESPN rescued him. And as Satan is always trying to screw with God's plans, it makes perfect sense ESPN would set in motion a series of events that would lead to the most deplorable sports personality in human history rising to power alongside the most deplorable fanbase in human history. ESPN loves a major market winner, after all, and it's certainly not coincidental that James sprung out of said fanbase. Of course, the buck had to be passed from James, so clearly he chose the most evil, influential man among the Boston minions: Tom Brady, as a result of him leaving his knocked up wife for a super model and then becoming a spokesperson for UGGs. This is some pretty convoluted shit.

So basically, Craig James is the reason for Boston's newfound run of success. And for that, and many many other reasons, we hate him.

But the good news? I think it's over. Boston has held each of the four major Championships in the past 10 years. The Celtics core is falling apart. The Red Sox are in the midst of one of the most epic collapses in MLB history. The Patriots just lost to the Bills for the first time in years. And no one gives a shit about hockey. Could this mean the end of Craig James isn't far behind? Does this suggest that Mike Leach will have his revenge? Did an ESPN executive read the roundtable which was basically just a, "Pee on Craig James' Grave" fest and get some sense? It's hard to say, and it's a long shot for sure, but let me ask you one thing: How are Danny Woodhead's stats looking one season after his breakout? The curse continues...

And that's Today's Lesson in SMU Hate... sort of. Whatever, fuck Craig James.