Wednesday, August 3, 2011

Frogs Report to Camp TODAY!

If GP doesn't end defensive film sessions with, "You know what I mean, Bump? You know what I mean?"
Well, then... he needs to start.

As alluded to yesterday in my hate inspiring Baylor post, the good guys got their last glimpse of Mr. Tastee last night as he rode off into the sunset and officially signaled the end of their summers. Yes, football season is almost officially here as the Frogs report to campus today and officially begin summer practices tomorrow. Huzzah!!! There was genuinely a time - as recently as yesterday - where I thought this day was never going to come, but it's here and we're just a few steps closer to the Robert Griffin's Wake in Waco<--- I'll work on that.

So what should you do to prepare yourself for the season while the team does the same? For one, you should go back and read thru all of lyle's Inventory and Schedule Preview posts because you totes didn't the first go around, don't lie. Learning the roster is one of those things that I am genuinely TERRIBLE at, so they've been very beneficial to my learning about the new faces we'll see on the field this year.

Second, if you're a delusional believer in the Eastern Bloc rhetoric that you should never actually pay good money for valuable TCU related information but instead wait until one of their hack posters plagiarizes it and claims it as their own, now's the time to embrace this forward thinking zeitgeist called "Capitalism" and sign up for a membership on Purple Menace. Not only is their message board far superior to the one on "that other site" but you get the added bonus of actual news and, most importantly, those little daily crack nuggets otherwise known as Practice Reports. Before spring practice, Jeremy and Jeremiah warned that the coaching staff asked them to back off on the grisly details because, in all fairness, they were SO detailed as to be detrimental to the TCU effort should they fall into the wrong hands. However, other than a somewhat shorter length and oftentimes cryptic alludes to players that were pretty easy to decipher for any good TCU fan, I genuinely did not ever feel disappointed or believe they held back any crucial information. For instance, in the old days you could pretty much fully envision any given play that occurred in that day's practice. Now? You can't envision EVERY play, but you can absolutely understand the general overview of what went on. It's more concise, but it doesn't detract from the quality. Besides, are you REALLY going to complain about a direct order from GP?

You could also do constructive things like dig up hate on all of TCU's opponents to properly calibrate your rage levels, volunteer for light pole duty at Amon G so that we're able to not play this bullshit Big Ten all day game schedule because that makes me sad, or you could even chloroform a player on another team, steal his uniform and take part in that team's practices and relay your finding to GP and staff. Do your part to make this regular season our third consecutive one with zero losses.

But if none of those things work, you could always take 29 Wait Mate pills and wake up on September 2nd just in time to hit the road to Waco. Sure, you risk wiping out any memories you had of TCU Football seasons prior, which would lead to some spandexeriffic rehabilitation with Zan, but it's probably a small price to pay for being able to fast forward the month of August. Your boss will understand.

1 comment:

Lyle Lanley said...

+1 on the endorsement of purplemenace. Those guys do a fantastic job.