Wednesday, July 6, 2011

NFL via UT Football Players Really Know How to Treat a Lady.

You'll never know the love of anything that looks like this
but at least Roy Williams won't, either.

Cowboys fans should rest assured that Roy Williams makes INCOMPLETIONS off the field as well. Talk about a FUMBLED proposal attempt!! Apparently the EYES OF miss TEXAS AREN'T UPON HIM!! lulz.

/slams head against desk

With last month's "ex-UT player treats girl wrong, girl retaliates" story fading from the headlines, it looks like Roy Williams decided it was his turn to make a contribution to the fund. But first, a little back story: The young lady you see above is Brooke Daniels, who was named Miss Texas USA - as opposed to Miss Texas Sri Lanka, I suppose - back in 2008. This is the same year Jerry Jones made another in a series of bone headed decisions that have been his signature since firing Jimmy to hire Barry by bringing in the self proclaimed "coachable" Roy Williams to save the Cowboys. Roy, being the new, cool kid on the Texas block, at least in his own mind, apparently decided that his status as a former Longhorn and overcompensated current Cowboy entitled him to certain things in life, in this case the hand of one of the most eligible women in the state of Texas. The only problem? They apparently don't teach you how to court a woman while at UT. And girl wasn't interested.

Roy, being the confident young man that he is, decided to take extreme measures in professing his feelings, skipping the whole "getting to know you, meeting the parents, going on dates" part of the relationship and going right for the jugular by MAILING Miss Daniels an $80,000!!!!!!! ring with a tape recorded proposal. And like any non-money grubbing, self respecting and attractive lady, she said no. Roy's reponse? "‘I'm not like a lot of people, I don’t want the ring back. You'll eventually come back to me."

Except she didn't And now Roy wants his bling back, going so far as to sue Brooke Daniels.

I'm no love doctor, but I've never heard that lawsuits are the most direct route to a woman's heart, although I could be mistaken. For her part, Daniels has mostly stayed out of the spotlight, letting her father do the talking. Dad claims he will return the ring in order to avoid any prosecution, because that's what people who don't send 5 figures worth of jewelry in the mail, tell the person to keep it, and then sue to retrieve it do. Those people are also known as "not dumbshits."

So, in today's Twitter/Facebook age, Roy could've sent Brooke Daniels a message showing his interest and perhaps asking the young lass if she might be interested in getting some ice cream after the homecoming game, maybe even wear his letter jacket. I mean, it worked for JJ Barea with Miss Universe, so surely one of the 49 Miss USA runners up would be a piece of cake, right? I mean, at WORST, Roy could've taken the normal celebrity/athlete route and had his agent make the inroads for him, therefore sparing the embarrassment of being turned down directly if there wasn't mutual interest. But no, Roy let his arrogance get the better of him, and now he just looks even more like an asshole.

For those of you who don't follow the NFL or the Cowboys but hate UT, Roy Williams is pretty much your case study of, "Why People Hate the University of Texas." Roy was great in high school. Roy was perhaps even better in Austin. Roy was good early in his NFL career. Roy is not a good football player anymore. The problem? Roy isn't aware of this. At all. Roy still thinks he's in Austin catching passes and plowing drunk Texas State girls he picked up on 6th Street. The few times Roy has gotten into the end zone as a Cowboy he celebrates not by being humble; he throws up his "Hook em" sign. Roy changed his practice jersey to the #4 because that is what he was at UT. Roy Williams has not been a UT player in 7-8 years. But this is what living the coddled life of a UT athlete does to a person. They use their careers there as a baseline for everything that follows, which is why so few UT skill position players have succeeded at the NFL level. Seriously, name me five non-lineman UT players who have made NFL impact in the past 10 years and I'll give you a shiny buffalo nickel. So it entirely makes sense that Roy Williams in 2011 thinks he still has the status of Roy Williams in 2004. It makes sense that he would think he could send any attractive woman in the state of Texas a wedding ring and she'd clamor to track him down and say yes. It's kind of like folks who send women pictures of their D's on a camera phone. Really? That's your move?

So thanks, Roy Williams, for not only giving me a laugh at your expense this morning, but for further affirming why I hate the University from whence you came. If this isn't the incident that brings him back to reality, surely getting cut immediately after the lockout ends will.

UPDATE: Totally forgot to mention that he also sent her $5000 in cash for bills and a baseball for her brother... so he tried to bribe her with money for her electricity and heating, as well as gave her brother memorabilia from a sport that he does not even play. BRILLIANT!!


shortnkerley's said...

Ricky Williams(pre and post weed issues), Cedric Benson(once Andy Dalton takes the pressure off him), ummm, uhh, Roy Williams 5 years ago(?), Jermichael Finley (if he's ever healthy), and Jamaal Charles.

Ok, so I got 1 legit one. I tried. I REALLY tried.

LT4heisman said...

How can he sue her for something he willingly gave as a gift?

Can I get a legal opinion on this?

Mr. Bubbakins said...

Here's your legal opinion--- Is Miss Texas is kind of "toothy," or is it just me?

shortnkerley's said...

Being toothy could pose serious issues in the bedroom, but clearly that didn't bother ole Roy.

SuperSweet HornedFrog said...

i aint get gunna let no toooof get in the way of bedding down with miss texas

ctbeecherl said...

What a dipshit. I hope she gives the ring to some charity so there is no way he could win that lawsuit.

THEFINCH said...

have you stheen my baysbohl?