Tuesday, May 17, 2011

The Newfound Elitist.

Sir Wesley Willis, as seen While Penning this Post.

A pretty watershed year for college football, no? I mean, what, with a summer full of Conference realignment and scandals and a season full of scandals, scandals and more scandals, more anti-BCS pressure than at any point since its inception, and topped off with that roguish rapscallion Cam Newton producing the most positive ROI the college football investment arena has ever seen... well, you name a more eventful year, guy. And, of course, sprinkled in among all that shuffle was TCU taking their talents from the slums of the Mountain West to the less slummy slums of the Big East - sort of like moving from Detroit to Cleveland: It's still Cleveland, but it's sure as shit better than Detroit. But amidst all of this shuffling, amidst all the relief of finally getting to sit at the big kid's table with a mostly equal shot at first dibs on the creamed corn, we have to ask ourselves a fundamental question: Just because we're with them, do we have to act like them?

Uhhh, HELLZ YEAH WE DO!!!

What's that, Andrea Adelson? Sad because, with the departures of TCU, Utah and BYU, your beat became just about as exciting as watching FeistyFrog pat himself on the back for reporting on other people's information? Sad because, under the current landscape, no current non-AQ conference has a chance in hell of ever qualifying for a AQ spot? MATHEMATICALLY IMPOSSIBLE, according to some. Sad because your now cover a conference that is so fickle about a, thankfully, former team's success that they deliberately try to ruin their season through questionable scheduling tactics? I mean, come on Craig Thompson, after all we've done for you, at least buy us a cosmo before you try and fuck us, amiright?

If you haven't read her piece - and, honestly, this isn't an attack on her because she's just stuck performing a job that was a lot sexier when she first accepted it - the baseline is the same as it was when we mentally checked out: In the current round of evaluations, the MWC will fall short of qualification due to the bottom of the conference dragging it down. It's the exact same reason why we plastered ourselves in Cool Water and mainlined Binaca when the Big East started batting its, admittedly, tattered eyelashes at us last year.

However, the twist occurs about halfway through the article when, after propping the ole girl up on the merits of the now departing members, Adelson suggests that the MWC, in the respect of fairness, be allowed an appeal for the two seasons following the current evaluation period. I assume she intends this to mean that the MWC should be extended a lengthier period of evaluation to account for the addition of new members. All MWC hate aside, I was behind her argument at first because, after all, the MWC has had massive turnover and should arguably be given a chance to stand on its own two feet before passing judgment, although realistically it NEVER would without us and Utah. Then she had to go and drop this
one and ruin the whole thing for me:

Hawaii, which joins in 2012, also has a BCS appearance. Nevada is on the rise. Fresno State has been in the national conversation before. Say a Mountain West team gets the AQ bid with four losses. Would that be more embarrassing than a Big East team that qualified with four losses this past season?

::Makes Wanking Motion for 15 minutes::


Seriously? That's what you're rolling with? First of all, uhh, yes, yes it would be more embarassing. Hawaii had one BCS appearance, that happened to be the rapinest' BCS appearance of all time, under a coach who opted to leave the school, which just so happens to be in FLIPPING HAWAII, for a job at another school with no BCS credentials, in the middle of smoggy assed Dallas, TX, still suffering from the biggest cheating scandal in college football history, for a chance to lose to Army at home in a bowl game. Got yerself a real winner there. Nevada, as much as I love, love love them out of purely selfish reasons, had one great season altering half of football last year, but has consistently been an underachieving sucker fish or completely irrelevant altogether throughout their history. And Fresno State??? Don't make me laugh. No, seriously, don't do it... come o... ah dammit, you did it - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Pat Hill and his sad mustache face need to change their mantra to, "We'll beat anyone anywhere, anytime" to "We'll beat anyone anywhere, anytime... unless you're in our shit conference." Oh, but they played that big, bad Big Ten team close and came up just short? Newsflash, media: THEY STILL LOST!

All that's to say, the current pupu platter of Boise, Fresno, Nevada and Hawaii ain't exactly the 12 course tasting menu of Boise, TCU, BYU and Utah that was initially promised.

Did no one see what JUST HAPPENED in regards to the TV contracts for the major conferences? The Pac 12 got paid. The Big 12-2=10 got paid, especially Texas. The ACC, SEC and Big Ten got paid last year. And while the Big East hasn't gotten paid quite yet, it's going to happen simply because the networks have already made bajillions on their basketball revenues and have money to give back as a goodwill gesture. Sorry, non-AQ scumbags, but the masses have spoken, and they like what's going on. Nothing is changing. The bums lost!

And you know what? I could not be any happier about it. People are going to talk shit about the Big East in a football sense. Heck, WE were the ones leading the charge this time last year. But while we may still be in a booster seat at the head table, we're at the head table nonetheless, and as long as we keep doing what we've been doing, the rewards will continue to manifest. Have you seen our football recruiting? Have you seen the big time, top rated athletes who have not only been giving us looks but, you know, actual commitments? Do you remember that time the top player in the state waited until the 11th hour to make the biggest decision of his life to that point because of us? Did you see what happened with basketball recruiting? Our basketball program is ten kinds of rancid feces right now, yet we were able to make a last minute push and recruit some athletes who will help. They won't win any Big East titles, but they'll keep us out of the cellar. You think that happens without the Big East? You think a kid from Queens with offers from nearby schools with actual track records chooses the Frogs? Girl, please.

I always kind of hoped we'd leave the MWC in the same way that Utah did - with well wishes and understanding, with the Conference respecting our decision and being grateful that, because of us, they're still relevant. But after the bitchy, middle school mean girl way the rest of the teams have handled things, I say good riddance. I hope the MWC becomes the CUSA part deux. I hope Mike Locksley starts a fight with his offensive line and gets pummeled. I hope CSU disappears into a foggy, gnar-gnar gazin' haze. I hope UNLV gets mercifully shut down by the Casino Mafia that runs the school. I hope San Diego State gets eaten by Tony Gwynn. I hope Wyoming... well, actually, Wyoming isn't really hurting anyone, are they? And I suppose Air Force can slide since they, you know, kept a close eye on Osama and all. But as for the new guys? I'm... I'm just sorry your situations are so dire you're having to join forces with those yahoos. Keep your chins up.

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