Thursday, April 7, 2011

Lessons in SMU Hate: Politics.

Aaaah, College kids, alcohol and politics - an absolute recipe for disaster. Have you ever met a college aged student that is interested in politics? I mean, GENUINELY interested, and not, "Well, I'm voting for Bush because my parents are!," or "That Barack Obama sure does have a nice, firm handshake that leaves your palm smelling like nicotene for hours afterwards!" For instance, I interned in Washington, D.C. one summer. This was not because I had any interest in politics; in fact, far from it, because after seeing it firsthand, the political scene is the biggest bunch of tax payer money sucking bullshit you can possibly imagine. No, I went because I missed the boat on studying abroad and wanted to have a parent funded vacation disguised as an academic pursuit and I'd always heard that Washington, D.C. during "intern season" is arguably the greatest concentrated collection of tail in these here United States. Fact: It is, and 90% of said tail congregates in Mississippi Representative Trent Lott's office. The six BS hours of elective credit I earned for giving Capitol tours and sorting mail were just icing on the cake.

But there are definitely those characters who, as soon as they get off the tarmac at Reagan airport, think they're the next big dog in the political arena simply because they're wearing a fresh suit and have a name tag that gives you access to all of the same places on Capitol Hill that tourists are allowed. Except you can go those places unchaperoned! Bonus! And let me tell you - those people are EXCRUTIATING to be around because all they want to talk about is politics. "Hey, did you hear about the new education reform bill sponsored by Senator Byrd from West Virginia? No? Well you should really check it out - I think it's going to be pretty revolutionary!" DIE!!!

Judging by the video above, SMU Student Charles McCaslin is one of these people.

Let's break down the video: Charles McClaskin is the speaker and SMU student in question. Under the guise of some sort of campaign speech, McClaskin talks about how he one time banged a girl on a table while leaving the door open for the possibility that Alex Schriver either watched or joined in the fracas himself. In which case, let's hope they went Eiffel Tower on her and not that weird, both in the same hole kind of thing that you see on the internet. But the best part comes after this anecdote, where he gets down to brass tacks: "I give my full endorsement to Alex Schriver. Let me just tell you, character counts. That's why I go with my gut instinct. I know this is the right man for the job and the best man for the job..." Let's stop there for a second because, even with the clunky girl-getting-banged-on-table intro, McClaskin pulled out of the tailspin nicely and delivered a seemingly heartfelt endorsement. Unfortunately, he didn't stop there, closing with, "You know what? The other team, they're nerds and they're fags..." Yeah, that usually doesn't sit well in more liberal circles.

So when I first watched that video upon lyle's recommendation, I kind of wondered what the big deal was. Drunk, dumbass college student gets caught telling a butt story that probably never happened while on camera. The fact that there were girls giggling in the background suggests that he was probably in the company of a small group of friends who understand he's just a loud mouth wanna be diplomat who takes his position far too seriously. To me, his only crime was giving the worst campaign endorsement speech ever.

Uh, Not so. Homeboy was at the Texas Young Republicans convention when he was firing off about banging a girl on a table, and this has not gone over well with not only SMU, but the nation at large. Did I mention he was not only SMU's representative at the convention, but the Chairman of the whole damn thing? Because he was not only SMU's representative at the convention, but Chairman of the whole damn thing. That's not good for your political future. For his transgressions, McClaskin was more or less forced to resign his post and at last check was on his way to St. Helena to live out the rest of his days with some monkeys and the rotting corpse of Napolean Bonaparte.

For his part, Schriver has mostly distanced himself from the controversy by offering up a statement that McClaskin's comments were, "inappropriate and highly offensive," this despite being caught ON VIDEO raising a toast in acknowledgment of all that was just said. Camera phones, they're a cruel mistress.

To be honest, I'm not even sure where the hate lies here. I just thought it was kind of funny. Really, what's the controversy? A drunk college student said something dumb in a public forum? Are the Texas College Republicans really that threatening to the world at large? Also consider that, perhaps, the opposition couldn't find a suitable candidate and Schriver's opponents are LITERALLY cigarettes, fags in the British sense of the word? Maybe he meant that they are, in fact, highly intelligent homosexuals? It's not out of the realm of possibility. Ok, it is, but I tried to spin it in his favor. Considering SMU isn't exactly the most laudable institution when it comes to the decision making of those in leadership roles - as evidenced by the Death Penalty and THIS - I'm not sure why anyone expected the shit to not roll downhill. But, it's always funny when one of our brothers in red and blue shoots themselves in the foot to the point that the Huffington Post, that bastion of liberal viewpoints, picks up the story in order to cast a foul light on Republicans as a whole. At least when Obama undoubtedly gets a second term, we'll have a scapegoat.

To Charlie!

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