Thursday, March 10, 2011

UPDATE: Mustangs Can't Cheat and Win... Literally.

Eric Dickerson's Flammable Coif still Amuses the Hell out of me.

So SMU hasn't won much lately. Their basketball team has the inglorious distinction of being one of the nine victims of our merry band of laughable hoopsters, their football team lost the CUSA Championship and was then further embarrassed by Army in a bowl game played in the confines of their own stadium, and their baseball team doesn't exist because the Mustangs prefer Europe's dirty little hipster sport soccer over America's Pastime. And now to add more salt to the wound, their past transgressions couldn't even earn them the title of the Most Corrupt College Athletic Program of All Time. This is especially sad considering they basically created the benchmark by which all studies like this have been conducted.

In a rare showing of spitblood being fair and balanced, I'll point out the glaring fallacy in SMU's ranking in this study in that their Death Penalty case is the entire basis of their ranking. But still, they were dumb and arrogant enough to be the ones to get caught in the most blatantly corrupt Conference in the most blatantly corrupt era in history, so they deserve all the criticism afforded to them.

So who properly gunned their way into that #1 spot? Interestingly enough it was the Arizona State Sun Devils who bested the Mustangs by one major infraction, 9-8. At first my reaction was, "Wow, NINE major infractions and you're still shit? At least SMU had the Pony Express!" But upon reading further, ASU's violations all pertain to their baseball program - which produced one Barry Bonds, it should be noted - and they've won five titles, so I guess that 56% infraction to Championship success rate is to be lauded. By comparison, the Ponies and their 0% rate need to improve if they want to be taken seriously as cheaters. At least most of their students could score higher than Charlie Sheen on a drug test, though. What, you thought I'd make it through an entire post regarding SMU without a drug related pot shot? (punned!!!) Girl Please.

On a final note, just so you can't say ole Sir Wesley doesn't like to give back to the little people, SMU DID best 2011 football foe Texas A&M, who came in sixth with an underwhelming 7 major infractions. I suggest the Pony faithful use this scoreboard win to their advantage leading up to the game, because it'll likely be the only one they'll have.

The complete list is as follows:

  1. Arizona State - 9
  2. SMU - 8
  3. Auburn - 7. Let's assume the next time they do this study that number could be a tad higher
  4. Minnesota - 7. Once Tubby Smith skips town, expect this one to go northward as well.
  5. Oklahoma - 7. Jesus Christ, only SEVEN? Barry Switzer shakes his head at his own lack of effort and moxie.
  6. aggy - 7.
  7. Wichita State - 7. I got nothin'
  8. Wisconsin - 7. Should be 8 for "Head Football Coach Failing to Not be a Bitch after a loss; lack of testicles; team-wide constipation from cheese intake"
  9. Florida State - 7. Again, seems low for a team that had perhaps the most dominant decade long run in the history of the sport and employed one Deion Sanders.
  10. Memphis - 7. /calipari'd
SWW Honorable Mention: Baylor... because they COVERED UP A FUCKING MURDER INVESTIGATION!!!! Also, this bit of schadenfreude... but don't worry, Scott Drew runs the cleanest program in the NCAA.

UPDATE: Looks like the Ponies are rising to the occasion. Onward, ho!

7 comments:

Adam said...

I love the smell of SMU hate in the morning. Smells....like victory.

If I knew your real name and address, I'd donate $5 to the Craig James for Senate fund in your honor just for the post about his campaign literature alone.

Lyle Lanley said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lyle Lanley said...

Sir Wesley's real name is Rory B. Bellows.

Sir Wesley Willis said...

Adam - believe me, I'm absolutely GIDDY thinking about the spitblood headed smear campaign against Craig James if he actually starts to make some noise in the race. I'd vote for John Wiley Price over CJ... well... perhaps that's a bit too far.

BuckNasty said...

I heard him on the Mark Davis show on WBAP a couple of days ago. Sounded like he just kind of showed up at the station and Mark put him on. Obviously, first thing that came up was the Tech scandal and he tried to act as if he had nothing to do with the whole thing. What a dick.

Spit Purple said...

I really really really hope he runs.

LA Frog said...

SMU is tied now, right?

Basketball put on 2 years probabtion

http://sports.espn.go.com/dallas/news/story?id=6202622