Wednesday, March 16, 2011

10 Activities YOU can Partake in to Avoid the Reality that the TCU Baseball Team is Making the BasketFrogs Look Consistent.

I'm not saying I agree with the feline...
but the fact that he took the time to put on a metaphoric chicken costume tells me he's pretty serious.

Like many of you, I have no idea what to make of the TCU Baseball team in this year of our Lord, 2011. Sure, the increased expectations of last year were bound to make anything other than an absolute Blitzkrieg to Omaha a disappointment... but the fact is we're sitting at 10-6 with an ABYSMAL 2-3 combined record against the dregs of the baseball world that are UT-Almost, Dallas Baptist, with its beautiful campus that resides in lovely South Dallas, and Houston Baptist, a team that none of us even knew existed until our schedule was released is concerning to say the least. As long as geographically pertinent teams like Texas, Oklahoma and LSU keep winning, we're on the outside looking in at hosting a Super Regional, and to be honest, unless we right this ship there's a legitimate chance our entire road to Omaha will be played away from Lupton. Given our home record that might not be a bad thing. We currently sit in 10th in the Spitblood approved Baseball America poll - approved mostly because they were kind enough not to kick us out of the rankings completely after last weekend - but you can bet they'll take notice after last night's humiliation.

I've made it pretty clear that I qualify as a fair weather fan of baseball in general, but at the same time I'm a ravenous fan of all things TCU, sans womens sports, so this puts me in a bit of a bind. On the one hand, I want to believe we can turn this thing around. I want to believe that the early season jitters are going on a bit longer than normal but that all hope is not lost and that, yes, we will be laughing about our panty-waist reactions as we're hoisting the trophy in Omaha. But, at the same time, I can only accept three of our losses to this point, and the inconsistency of our bats is incredibly jarring. It'd be one thing if, like our basketball team, we could chalk it up to lack of talent, but we clearly know better. To my mind, what makes this situation so ominous is that it stinks of a lack of focus and leadership, and that's not something you can simply change overnight. And the fact that Matt Purke is indeed human and not a Cyborg sent back by a self aware SkyNet to destroy his the mother of his eventual destroyer before she could give birth, or at least another baseball team once a weekend, makes me feel strangely naked as a fan.

Conference play begins this weekend in Las Vegas against current leader, and former Schlossnaglebots, UNLV, they of the 16-4 record. A sweep of the Rebels doesn't guarantee future success, but I know it will help a lot of us sleep easier. And if we drop a game or two? Well... how long until football season again?

But, that's neither here nor there because, in truth, we won't really know this team until at least a month from now once they've put down half a season's worth of games... so in the meantime, here are some ways to distract yourself from the current "sky is falling" situation.

  1. Pander Alert! Take part in the Spitblood March Madness Bracket. In case you didn't realize - and seriously, if it weren't specifically called MARCH Madness I'm not sure I would've either with the way the NFL bleeds into early February these days - the NCAA Tournament is currently underway with the first half of First Four games being played last night. And what better way to stick it to the man and torpedo your office's productivity for the week than to join a March Madness pool? Better yet, THE March Madness pool to end all March Madness pools headed by our own dear leader, TheFinch? The Final Four isn't until the first weekend in April, so by that time we'll have faced UNLV, Air Force, Stephen F Austin, Texas State and dreaded UT-Pan American, so if things aren't looking improved by then, you can probably go ahead and stick a fork in the season.
  2. Order your copy of the Rose Bowl on DVD. Really, why haven't you done this by now? The greatest moment in TCU Football history not involving leather helmets and white positional players! The Wisconsin fans with constipated expressions on their faces post game, shockingly not caused by cheese intake! Paula Deen deep frying the coin toss! This DVD really has it all! And apparently due to a clerical error, a lot of you received DUAL copies of said disc-like media so put one on your TV and one in your lap top on a slight delay so you can watch all the big plays twice without having to rewind! Seriously. It works. It's brilliant. And, best of all, if you're watching the DVD on your laptop, then you can't logon to and follow the scoretracker live, so you'll never know that the Frogs are blowing it with the bases loaded and one out in the bottom of the 9th at the same time Tank Carder is eating Scott Tolzien's soul.
  3. Follow the NFL Lockout & Side with the Owners so that College Football Will Be the New NFL. With all the cheating and pay for play schemes dominating the sport at present, it was bound the happen anyway, but with the lockout looking like it won't be coming to a close anytime too soon, this possibility ramps the process up in a HUGE way. Imagine it: The NFL lockout goes into the regular season. Entire networks are getting fisted because of lost ad revenue due to the loss of entire afternoons and prime time slots of programming. Meantime, America LOVES football, can't live without it and the married men of the world are going to absolutely riot once they realize that their Sunday afternoon getting out of housework excuse is kaput. So the best solution for all involved? COLLEGE FOOTBALL SEVEN DAYS A WEEK! Think about it - college football already regularly schedules games Tues-Saturday. We should definitely know this due to our time in CUSA purgatory, and we'll have to get even more acclimated to it once we join the Big East as they have at least a Friday game every single week. And rather than succumb to a woman's wishes and simply let the vacated Sunday and Monday NFL slots lay dormant, don't you think the networks would KILL to have college games fill those slots? Monday night TCU game? Don't mind if I do! Sunday afternoon SEC double header? Yes please! And seriously, this isn't that far fetched from happening. Ok, to be fair, in all likelihood some sort of resolution will be reached between the league and the players before actual games are missed... but I for one am certainly holding out hope that they don't. Jerral Jones approves.
  4. Volunteer at a Soup Kitchen. Ha! JK! I needed some filler.
  5. Follow David Peterson over at Horned Frog Sports. Ok, now that the list is half over, I'm assuming there are those of you who can't COMPLETELY take your mind off of following TCU on the diamond, and I'd be lying if I said I'm not going to at least check every box score from now until the season ends. And while we do the best we can with what we have over here as far as baseball coverage with lyle and shortnkerleys being genuine baseball fans with legitimate knowledge and understanding of the game, Peterson is and always will be TCU's Baseball Jesus and your best source for all things of that nature. Like, he crunches numbers and shit. He's kind of like the Futureman in Bottle Rocket of the TCU Baseball blogger world, except not an asshole. But, since this is supposed to be a list of ways to AVOID the early season troubles, let's continue on.
  6. Follow a European Soccer team and pretend you're a well-cultured hipster. Think of it - you step into an American Apparel store this weekend in your worn down Chucks, extra skinny jeans, 3 day scruff of beard and striped T shirt complete with scarf even though it's 85 degrees outside, fedora precisely skewed atop your unkempt wig, and ask the cute girl behind the counter, with her ironic slogan t shirt and not so ironic camel toe protruding from her undersized leggings, if she happened to catch the score of the Stoke/Everton match in the Carling Cup? She may not know what you're talking about, but just querying her on such an obscure fixture will certainly get her attention! But, to be truthful for a bit, soccer is a sneaky good way to pass the time between the Super Bowl and the NCAA Tournament and then the NCAA Tournament and the annual Mavericks playoff collapse - by that timeline, you really only need it for a couple of months max. Sure, it's basically Barack Obama's ideology in sport form, and if you think a 3-2 Tuesday night offensively anemic loss to a would-be junior college is boring, just wait until you watch two lower level English clubs go at it in a 0-0 contest with only a smattering of shots on goal, but it's also the most corrupt sport in the world with the most violent rivalries around. Other than the fact that the American version is hopelessly pathetic, I think the intensity of the rivalries is what has kept Americans at bay for so long; If we're seriously that enraged about the herbicide in Auburn, then there's no chance that typical Joe USA could handle Rangers/Celtic in Glasgow which is basically just a religion war framed as a sporting competition, complete with racism, death threats and lots and lots of over consumption. The game itself is pretty much secondary. After you read up a bit about the things that go on over there, my Lessons in SMU Hate will seem extremely pussified by comparison.
  7. Illegally Recruit Johnathan Gray. I'm like most of you - getting Johnathan Gray in a Frogs uniform has become a bit of an unhealthy obsession of mine. Not just because of his talent, although his performance in last year's state title game is still just SHOCKING to behold, and not just because he'd be the highest rated recruit to ever set foot in Fort Worth. No, I want him because it would mean aggy and Texas didn't get him, and while we've gotten recruits they had offered before, the fact that this is one guy that they are both absolutely gunning for would be an incredible feat. Think about it - aggy is on their highest cloud since the late 90s, possibly ever, and certainly since they joined the Big 12. Mack Brown just had to admit failure and overhaul his entire staff, he doesn't have a starting QB or an offensive line, and is coming off of a year where his team had the worst downfall of a title game participant ever. And now they're both competing with little ole TCU for one of the hottest prospects in the nation AND COULD LOSE. For aggy, the initial effect wouldn't be devastating - they still think they're winning the Big 12 like they do every year, and Gray has already cooled a bit on them anyway if what I read is true, so they'd spin it as if they didn't want him anyway. But don't think it wouldn't hurt and hurt BAD. As for Texas? They already have Malcolm Brown on campus, but I have a feeling losing a commit head to head with TCU before the defining season of Mack Brown's career kicks off would be borderline catastrophic from a perception standpoint. Can you imagine the bitch fit Mack will throw and the vitriol that UT fans will hurl our way? It'll be the most heated rivalry in college football where one side refuses to actually participate on the field. It would make for a hate fest of epic proportions and drive the most loathsomely fair weather fanbase in the nation back into their holes until Wal Mart product placement assures them that their team is back on top. So what can we do? Well, I'm not going to give you any ideas - ok, just one: hoez. - but if you'll give Cecil Newton a call I'm sure he can lead you in the right direction. Just know that Mack is already way ahead of you. On that note...
  8. Poop in a Box and Mail it to Mack Brown. An oldie but a goodie, and one that should always be on the table.
  9. Go on a Bender until the Regional Sites are Announced. That's one surefire way to avoid anything to do with TCU baseball, as well as your family, friends, job, hygiene and cardiovascular health.
  10. Watch this video on repeat, because it's never not funny:

Your suggestions in the comments.

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