Thank you, Kirk Herbstreit, for causing me to beat a dead horse all season.
Some of you (whoever is left now that football is over) may be wondering what could he possibly have done now that he hasn't already been bashed relentlessly for on this site already? Some of you already know. Anyways, as the new face of anti-TCU, pro BCS cartel douchebaggery, Kirk Herbstreit's final AP ballot has TCU at #4 behind not only Auburn, but also 1 loss Oregon (who looked like shit last night, for the record) and 1 loss Stanford (who got waxed by Oregon).
Wow, Kirk. Just WOW. Just add Herbie and his queerly spiked, frosted tipped hair, and his overwhelmingly bad fake tan to the list of reasons why I hate Ohio State and the Big 10. He's also creating a rapidly growing disdain for ESPN, along with his cronies Craig "I never cheated at SMU" James and Rodney "metro conductor hat" Gilmore. Seriously, will the 3 of you go circle jerk with David Carradine's belts, chug some Heath Ledger cocktails, and chase that with Kurt Cobain's shotgun and fuck off forever? Nobody will miss you.
Anyways, back to the issue at hand. I don't have a problem with people voting us #3. I think it's stupid, but I get it. You shouldn't slip past 2 for losing that national title game (no matter how ugly it was). So I'm somewhat okay with #3. But #4. NUMBER 4?!?! Let me get this straight- you are putting us behind a Stanford team who got pasted 52-31 by Oregon? 52 POINTS! TCU hasn't given up 52 points since God was a boy! Also, Stanford, who I like and respect except that Rod Gilmore went there, barely beat USC in a down year, barely beat Washington State who is always in a down year, and barely beat Arizona State. But clearly Herbie has a short memory. I guess he thought their convincing bowl win over Virginia Tech was very impressive. Actually, it was pretty impressive, but do not forget that Virginia Tech LOST AT HOME TO JAMES MADISON! I can't really seem to wrap my head around how and why anyone would vote TCU #4 behind 2 1-loss teams. #4 was obviously our lowest ranking, and I realize that none of it matters at this point because last I checked WE WON THE F-ING ROSE BOWL, but it's still aggravating. And since Herbie was calling our game, do you think the whole time he was having to mask his disappointment as TCU ran out the final couple of minutes of the clock? It must have been hard for him to not cheer out loud when Montee Ball scored to cut the lead to 2 points. He has also made a habit this season of appearing on Randy Galloway's radio show, where Galloway often calls him out for being a hater, and Herbie denies it. I'd like to see him defend this one.
Anyways, Herbstreit was listed as the 4th most extreme voter, meaning he had the 4th highest number of votes on the extreme high or low, which further validates my ongoing rants and opinions about him being a completely delusional, inept, clueless moron. Stephen Hawking could hand write a more legitimate ballot than the bullshit you pieced together all season.
A couple of other things are worth mentioning. 3 other writers voted us #4 Eric Hansen of the South Bend Tribune, John Hunt of the Oregonian, and Tom Mulhern of the Wisconsin State Journal in Madison. Hansen- Notre Dame sucks and will no longer be relevant. Also, your squad got blasted by Stanford, so I kind of get why you would put them at #3 to validate your own Notre Dame mediocrity. Hunt-PAC-10 homerism compelled you to put Stanford ahead of TCU. I'll go easy on you. Mulhern- TCU beat your very own big bad Big 10 slow suckwad Badgers on New Years Day, so this one I don't get. Maybe you, unlike the rest of your delusional Big 10 bretheren, are finally starting to see that a bunch of fat ass white guys doesn't get it done in modern day college football and you now realize the Big 10 sucks. But more than likely you're butt hurt that TCU bitch slapped you and you refuse to give credit where credit is due, so you can go fuck yourself as well.
On a lighter note, because I'm getting dizzy and losing focus from my rage blackouts, there were 3 voters who voted us #1. I LOVE this for a couple of reasons. 1) this people are smart and realize that voting Auburn #1 is pointless since it will inevitably be voided, and 2) they voted TCU #1 in ALL of college football. When was the last time we got 3 AP votes for #1? So props to you Kyle Tucker of The Virginian Pilot, Pete DiPrimio of the Fort Wayne News-Sentinel (Indiana), and Ray Fittipaldo of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. I guess to be fair I should mention that Fittipaldo and DiPrimio were listed as the 2 most extreme voters, but I see their logic- Auburn is a fraud and should be treated as such. I respect that. Fittipaldo and DiPrimio are also smack dab in the middle of Big 10 country, and it's good to see that they aren't all butt-hurt about the New Years Day Massacre like Mr. Mulhern was.
So that's all. I realize bitching about the postseason rankings is pretty pointless, but it gave me one last opportunity to lay into Herbstreit before he fades off into bolivian for the next few months. Seriously though, find a way to die between now and August. I mean it. Hop on an airplane with a Kennedy. Declare a Jihad on yourself. Climb Mount Everest without an oxygen tank. Have unprotected sex with Magic Johnson. Take up stranglebating. Drive through Compton blaring David Allen Coe with your windows rolled down. I don't care how you do it, just die. Or survive, keep picking against us, and we will continue to expose you as the moronic fraud BCS sack rider that you are. I hate you so much it hurts sometimes.