Friday, December 17, 2010

More Overdue Delany/Big 10 Hate- Legends and Leaders Addition

Alright, so I realize that the news of the Big 10/11/12 division names is pretty old news by now, and I've been meaning to spit this out for a while, but I figured I'd let the hate brew inside of me for a few days before letting loose on this one. Jim Delany, who has recently become my new favorite whipping boy (yes, more so than Craig James, E. Gordon Gee, and of course, Rod "Abercrombie Conductor Hat" Gilmore), continues to think that the Big 10 is somehow superior to everyone else and that the words "East and West" or "North and South" were not good enough for The Greatest Conference in the World, so he went with Legends and Leaders. Legends and Leaders? Seriously??? That's not even clever. That's just incredibly generic. Pretty weak there, Jimbo. Another thing- I find it incredibly pompous to refer to schools and their players as Legends and Leaders? I'll break it down by division to prove why these divisions DO NOT deserve the names Legends and Leaders.

Legends (Iowa, Michigan, Michigan State, Minnesota, Nebraska, Northwestern)

Legend.

The only thing legendary to come from the "Legends" division is this Michigan guy's facebook quiz. And I guess maybe Tom Osborne and Bo Schembechler. But, much like the Big 10, those guys' days have passed (I realize Osborne is the A.D., but he looks like a ghost at this point in his life, and his greatest days are numbered). Can you think of anything that says "legend" from the other schools in that division? I guess Magic Johnson was a legend at Michigan State, in fact, I'm HIV Positive Magic Johnson is a legend now. Another "legend"- Michigan's own Chris Webber...legendary cheater and choker. I was 7 when C Webb walked, then called timeout in the Final 4, and I remember noticing not only that he traveled, but also knowing that you can't call timeout if you don't have any left. Moral of the story- C Webb is dumber than a 7 year old, and there is nothing legendary about the Big 10 Legends.

Leaders (Illinois, Indiana, Ohio State, Penn State, Purdue, Wisconsin)

Leader.

Yeah, Woody Hayes was a great coach, but one of the biggest assholes to ever walk this earth. I bet people applauded his death. The guy tried to choke out an opponent on the sideline, subsequently leading to his firing. Oh, and pretty much everything I just said above applies (or will apply) to Bob Knight as well. Going Latrell Sprewell on people does not qualify you as a leader in my book. It makes you a rageaholic dick head. I'll give them Joe Paterno- he's a good dude- a good dude that has to run off the field before he wets or shits himself about once a half.

Leader.

Purdue- useless, Illinois- meh (they hired Shultz, a true leader, right Bucknasty?), Wisconsin- unless you count Barry Alvarez, no leaders there either. How about players? Maurice Clarett led a team to a national championship as a freshman, then led authorities on a chase that resulted in him spending a few years in the slammer. A true leader there. Indiana is filled with great college basketball players, but not much else. Larry Bird wouldn't even go to Indiana because Knight was such a dick. I don't know anyone of note from Illinois, or Purdue (except for Gene Keady and his flawless combover), and Penn State might lead the nation in NFL busts. So there's something that they are "leaders" in. Oh yeah, and Kirk Herbstreit went to Ohio State, and I hate that closet case too.

This makes Tony Kornheiser look like Fabio.

So there is my breakdown of Jim Delany's brainchild "Legends and Leaders" divisions. I'm pretty sure Big 10 people hate it too. Delany is about as popular as Kip Drordy from South Park right now, and not to mention he looks IDENTICAL to Dr. Doback in "Step Brothers". I hate you Jim Delany, but I love that everything you do makes the Big 10 look dumber and dumber. Keep supporting the BCS and thinking it works, and keep coming up with clever names for divisions that will get their shit packed in BCS games each year. I really do appreciate that.

Pop Quiz- Doback or Delany?

1 comment:

ArrestedFrog said...

I heard they were going to do something like Great Plains Division and Great Lakes Division, but then go and name their divisions Leaders and Legends. And totally redeem themselves!