Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Week 6 Opponent Hate: The Wyoming Cowboys

As far as hating the University of Wyoming goes- I really don’t. I don’t know anyone who does. How can you really hate something so bland and insignificant. Wyoming is like the parsley that sits next to a massive, delicious rib-eye (TCU) at a gourmet steakhouse. Nobody hates it. It’s just there, and you just brush it aside and go on with your meal.

So, I dug pretty deep looking for a reason to hate Wyoming. The most obvious and appealing reason to hate them was the Matthew Shepard gay hate crime murder, but it’s a little too morbid and I don’t think the guys who did the killing went to Wyoming. They were just massive bigots who beat and killed a gay kid for, well, being gay. I don’t want to get into it anymore because it’s pretty grotesque, but for more info, just read here.

Then I realized I was looking wayyy too much beyond the surface to find a reason to hate Wyoming. The reason to hate them was right in front of me, every Saturday, every single time they set foot on the football field. The most obvious reason to hate Wyoming was this…

Yellow pants so the Frogs can't tell when the piss themselves from Frog defense fear? I think so...

Is there an uglier jersey anywhere in the history of sports? I mean, who was the genius in Wyoming that decided “hey, let’s make our school colors the colors of shit and piss!” Seriously, do you think this decision was made ON the toilet? Do you think some founder of this fine establishment of higher education looked down after dropping a nice, steamy, meaty chud doused with urine and thought “you know, the brown on yellow really compliment each other nicely.”? And then, a few years further down the line when they formed a football team, maybe their coaching staff figured having shit/piss uniforms was a good way to deter their opponents from tackling them. Well, Robert Henson didn’t get that memo when he was busy knocking TWO of your quarterbacks out of one game. Apparently nobody has that sentiment, since your team is useless.

Another thing about these god-awful colors- I assume Wyoming is a school full of homely, maybe even somewhat burly women who would make every TCU girl look like a Deal or No Deal model. So, why wouldn’t they want to put them in some colors that are more appealing? Maybe something a little less earth toned, maybe some colors to help take your eyes off of their yellow teeth. Instead it’s yellow, which brings to your attention their yellow teeth, and brown, which gives notice to the fat dip under the lips of many of their coeds (yeah, I’m assuming they dip because they are rednecks. I know it’s not fair, but oh well).

That about all I have for the hatred of Wyoming. I mean seriously though, I don’t understand how anyone would be willing to suit up in that urine sprinkled doo-doo garb every Saturday. That’s pretty defeating as is, but then they have to get their shit packed (no pun intended) every Saturday as well. Wyoming’s jerseys make the Cleveland Browns jerseys look like an Armani suit. Thank god they are on the road against us, because they don’t wear their shit-tops on the road. Next week- BYU/Mormon/Independent Hate. This could likely be a daily thing, as I could go on for months about how much I hate them.


Lyle Lanley said...

Wyoming's football team would be right at home in Houston, with Fat City's history of ugly uniforms.

Of course, their Frontier Meth-Lab ways might not mesh with the syzurp scene in H-Town.

LA Frog said...

I went to dinner a year and a half ago with a Deal or No Deal girl (and partied with her and her "co-hosts" afterwards) Other than a couple of them; they were all Monets

Rotten Arsenal said...

Of course there was the fallout from the Henson hit on Sween in that 2008 game.

I was there and I remember that play. I can't completely fault the ref for the flag, but Henson was already airborne when Sween started sliding. Unless you are a fictional superhero, it's near impossible to change your trajectory when you are flying through the air.
Fact is, that QB slide rule is BS... it's effing football and if you run with the ball, you are fair game. Had Sween stayed upright, he would have been nailed by the same player, at the same time, but not in the head. Glenn and Sween should've left it alone. They got the call and should be thankful that Henson didn't do more damage to the QB