Friday, October 15, 2010

Game 7 Preview: The Hate Climax.


Much like yesterday, today also features it’s own set of technology fail variables that will result in cutting this preview pretty short, and apologies in advance for the shocking format fail that follows. Fortunately though, a couple of them are positive circumstances, such as setting up the new computer, a 4 touchdown spread, an offensively AND defensively terrible BYU team and the good karma afforded by the good vs evil matchup in Arlington this weekend. But, I wanted to at least get SOMETHING out there, so here goes nothin’.

What You Should Know About BYU in 2010:

Themz are not the BYU Cougars of your former self. By this I mean, this BYU team does not play either side of the ball particularly well. In the past, you knew you could at least expect a big game from Harvey Unga or Max Hall, and usually faced a relatively stout defense, but goodness gracious things have changed. The Cougars currently rank 90th in total yards per game, 83rd in passing yards – SHOCKING – 71st in rushing yards and 114th!!!!In scoring per game at 16.7 points. Kind of incredible to think that Gameday saddled up for this game last year and I didn’t bat an eye at cashing in all of my airlines miles and sleep 3 dudes in a hotel room to attend. But, clearly there have been some major losses on both sides of the ball – most notably Unga, Hall and TE Dennis Pitta – and stud QB Jake Heaps, for all his accolades, has not been able to put it all together yet. This could be a result of him being overrated, but more than likely its because his line protection has been ATROCIOUS thusfar as he has been sacked 14 times. They’ve also only scored 11 TDs on the yearand have been outscored 124-60 after the first quarter of games. That number suggests they wear down VERYquickly, whereas TCU has actually seemed to get stronger as the games wearon. Well, at least when they aren’tjumping out to 5 TD halftime leads, of course.

Repeat: Themz are not the BYU Cougars of your formerself. Seriously, they get beat by anaverage of 11 points a game… this is not how you build confidence heading intoa shaky campaign for independence, Bronco. Until last week, they ranked DEAD last in rushing defense. That is nuts. Jan Jorgensen stuffing runs is a thing of the past. Yes, I give credence to the fact that theyfired their defensive coordinator, putting Mendenhall in charge of such thingsand showed good results by shutting down a solid SanDiego State groundgame last weekend… but can lightning strike twice? I’m not so sure. Right now, BYU is giving up 225 yards pergame on the ground. They gave upsomething like 7 billion yards to Air Force in that 21 point loss. Give or take a few billion. The pass defense puts a little more fear ofJoseph Smith in people, giving up only 181 yards per… but as we’ve shown thisyear, if you can’t stop the run, you aren’t stopping our offense. Sure, you may slow it down some, but in theend you’re going to look up at the scoreboard while bending over to catch yourbreath and see 300 rush yards in the good guys column. Needless to say: if BYU can’t stop folks or score points afterthe first quarter, they’re going to be in for a LONG day.

NEWS FLASH: This isyour last chance for hate. I’m sure thisthought has crossed most of your minds, but has it really? Seriously, the gravity of this situation ispretty catastrophic – this is the very last time that any of us will be able tohate BYU with all of our hearts and minds on our own turf ever again. And for those of you who thought the doormight be left open for some future non conference matchups, then think againbecause as long as GP is in charge, and we hope that’s until he collapses onthe sidelines as an old man on a walker and oxygen that has been reduced towearing suspenders to keep his pants up and velcro shoes to keep them tiedbecause he lacks the energy to take care of that business after every singledown, we will not do BYU the honor of scheduling a non conference series. So this is it guys. After Saturday, no more FU BYU chants fromthe student section, or ridiculing THE QUEST. No more chants of Rulon Jeffs or dressing up in a long denim dress andstyling your hair into a bouffant to mimic the style trends of the mormoncommunity. No more making fun of themagic underwear and sunglasses. You’vegotta let it all out this weekend. Noholds barred. No mercy. They sure didn’t show any at Mountain Meadows…

As you’re all well aware, TCU fit giving running back HarveyUnga was kicked off the team in the offseason due to banging his girlfriend outof wedlock. I think I speak for men everywherewhen I say it definitely had to have been worth the trade off. They’ve now replaced him with a young man bythe name of JJ Di Luigi… so if you’re not ready to hear a shitton of Wario andKing Koopa references spouted by myself and potentially lyle lanley, then youmay want to avoid Section V altogether.

BYU Hate> Rangers Love/Yankees Hate. I had to remind myself of this the hard waythis week. My parents are coming up formy birthday and my dad put together some tickets for the Rangers game onSaturday. Now, I’m not the biggest fanof the baseball… but the Rangers are easily the team I’ve been a fan of thelongest as baseball holds some sort of mystique over every other sport when you’rea child and you’re just drawn to it. I’veeasily attended more Rangers games than any other team I’ve followed in my now27 years. Church youth group SixFlags/Rangers double features alone eclipse what I’ve done with the Frogs since2002, which is pretty incredible to think about. So, all that history, plus the rest of myfamily coming into town for the game definitely threw a temporary wrench in myplans for BYU Hate. Their 2-4 record didn’t’help matters, either. And honestly, hadit been any other year, I very well may have the leap and skipped the Frogsgame… but then I put it in perspective and the decision became extremelyeasy. There was no chance I’m missingthe Frogs last game against BYU. Nochance in hell. Tomorrow, the Rangersre simply another score to check on the iPhone. But I have a feeling a good portion of youguys are still very much on the fence about this. Lyle pretty much covered it all in his post,but we all need to remember that, deep down, no matter what happens, the Frogsare #1 in our hearts and minds and, no matter the rarity and magnitude of theRangers situation, we don’t need to be parking lot TV bitches when there’s aFrogs game going on. Respec.

Tomorrow will be the “style points” game we’ve all beenwaiting for. For half a season, the teamand staff has said the right things and done their best not to rub invictories. I don’t think that comes intoplay tomorrow. GP may have retracted hisstatements about BYU being careful what they wish for… but that’s just hispublic persona. Deep down, GP wantsnothing more than to come out tomorrow and put an absolute beat down on theCougars. Win by one point? Hog warsh. Once he has his foot on their throats, he’s going to crush their larynxand devour their souls. It’ll take agreat effort for a single runner to eclipse LT’s 406 yards in a game, but wecould EASILY exceed that number with a nice Wesley/Tucker/James/Dalton groundcombination tomorrow. I backed off lastweek and took the points for Wyomingand lost… not this week. These guys gotbeat by UTAH STATEfor goodness sake. Bad. This is going to be a blood bath. This will make ice truck killer on Dexter –sorry, just got into the show WAY behind schedule – look like an ice creamtruck man, ala Mr Tastee on Pete and Pete. This will make last week’s game look like a slap on the wrist. This could potentially be the biggest marginof victory in TCU history. Ok, so maybethat’s a little too ballsy of a statement, but you get the point. We called the dogs off last week; they’re going to be ravenous tomorrow afternoon.

That’s all I’ve got. See you all tomorrow.

Frogs: 55, Cougars 7.

2 comments:

shortnkerley's said...

Nice font. Is this a typewriter, Hunter S. Thompson?

shortnkerley's said...

Oh, and Mr. Tastee from Pete and Pete was creepy as shit. Remember when he went missing, ala BYU's offense?