Friday, October 8, 2010

Frog Talk / Ask-a-Frog: The “I hike, fly fish, and drive a Range Rover” Game

Sorry for the 'no post' last week, I couldn't get in touch with FKA or Disciples. I think they considered CSU the equivalent of a Bye week. Let's get to it-

What’s the deal on Wyoming?

Disciples of GP: It’s Mecca for drifter outlaw types of the “you know what crowd," a destitute garden economy based on fly fishing and hiking. You fly fish?

FKASchultzHater: I tried once, but isn’t it a little gay to be into a sport that requires a soft, delicate, almost feminine touch with a fishing rod……all in an attempt to “trick” a river trout that you’ll end up throwing back anyways

When did it become cool to make a “fly” from a $100 pheasant feather you bought from an aging Frat Nerd whose ‘real job’ at the local Orvis store supplements the allowance his parents provide?

Who wants to participate in a “sport” that your girlfriend can do just as good as you? Or even worse – wants to do WITH you?

Disciples of GP: Fly fishing is a “Coed Sport” (gasp)?

FKASchultzHater: I don’t play sports with girls. My type fishing involves rare gulf sharks and $2 dollar Mexican hookers fanning me with palm leaves……

Disciples of GP: Fly fish in Wyoming with your girlfriend or catch sharks in Mexico with hookers fanning you…tough choice…

FKASchultzHater: Getting featured in the local business journal as a “sportsman” is better than sex for the fly fishing elitist that even looks down on bass fisherman and salt water guys……

Disciples of GP: kind of like how the “upland-bird-$8,000-shotgun” guy looks down upon the “catfish-hog-fuck-the-game-warden” guy…

FKASchultzHater: You fish?

Disciples of GP: I hunt, but as an elitist, I refuse to hunt unless the animal has equal chance to kill you….with 2 exceptions

1) Outdoor sports that incorporate earth weapons- rusty machetes, bash rocks, feces tipped throw spears

2) Frat Ranch Trips (in TX, not WY) define sport…while the animals may not have a chance to kill you, the Tahoe your blacked out pledge brother is driving has just combined assault rifles, booze, and Charlie Daniels music- this alone provides a 50/50 chance you off yourself

FKASchultzHater: I’d like to hunt down the person who came up with the bush league idea of letting these creatures run out onto the field with our trained killers… seriously, we are #5 in the fucking nation and we’re running promotional gimmicks that’d make the Frisco Rough Riders blush

Disciples of GP: You know what’s not bush league- this week’s Fiesta de Los Frogs. I’m willing to let the whole Alamo thing slide if we can pick up some Bood-Lite drinking T-shirt fans…game prediction?

FKASchultzHater: The Cowboys rank 119 out of 120 FBS schools in total offense - we roll 55-6 in front of a 75% empty student section – our current students suck, section V is louder than X. Where do current students even tailgate? Did TABC wipe them out? What else do you know about Wyoming?

Disciples of GP: Hiking…you know anything about it?

FKASchultzHater: Are you serious? Apparently some granola thought it’s fun or “sporty” to walk up steep hills….

Disciples of GP: Hiking is for people who can’t afford a chartered helicopter…or hell, even an X-Box. Imagine our forefathers witnessing the thousands of years of human technological innovation we’ve achieved……and then finding out people ‘hike’ for fun

FKASchultzHater: I got an email this week from a “friend” titled – Our big Trip! – it had 150 pictures of the dude and his wife…like I give a fuck? Anyways, they were hiking - posing like Napoleon on top of hills with trees and they’d conquered something….really? ...…

Disciples of GP: Walking for exercise or “sport” is almost as bad as walking for charity…I bet cystic fibrosis is shaking in its boots because you decided to walk 10 miles…seriously, I’ll give you money for charity, but instead of wasting your time walking how about you do some research….get your ass in the lab and find the f-ing cure

FKASchultzHater: If catching a fish and then letting it go is ‘Sport’ and if walking up a steep hill with a “hiking stick” outfitted with all kinds of trinkets on it is ‘Adventure Sport’ - what the fuck is next??

Disciples of GP: It’s the pussification of society-

The “nobody keeps score in tee ball - everybody’s a winner if they try” bullshit – there are winners and losers, and the younger you can find out which one you are, the easier it will be to accept your position in life…..I myself am a winner, and my frogs are winners, and that’s why I wear purple – because on Saturday it’s not only the color of royalty...but also of winners.

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