Friday, October 15, 2010

Frog Talk / Ask-a-Frog: The “Food Stamps for Sperm Game”

Well it's Hate Week, let's hear it-

Disciples of GP
..…so…Mormonism…pretty out there huh?

FKASchultzHater: Because of polygamy? Historically – polygamy isn’t so crazy….we just had the World Cup in South Africa whose current leader Jacob Zuma has 3 wives and 20 children

Disciples of GP: Wow, he looks pretty happy

FKASchultzHater: Over the course of history polygamy has been legal in almost every religion at some point (except of course Christianity)…in Islam you’re only allowed 4 wives, Mormons can take 7…

Disciples of GP: Mormons 1 Muslims 0

FKASchultzHater: As animals - humans are always evolving and finding better ways to adapt, if we have to tweak a religion here or there to better the Human Life we will – polygamy is still encouraged by some African governments to keep populations up - our own Libertarian Party says the American Government shouldn’t ban it

Disciples of GP: Maybe our Government should legalize polygamy, but only for smart and elite people. Only let superior males like us breed - or even better - require superior sperm be spread to the masses in order to better our country

FKASchultzHater: Actually makes a lot of sense, currently it’s the underprivileged and uneducated that have a lot of kids…therefore making our country dumber and poorer

Disciples of GP: True, we’re not going to get some brilliant scientist that could change the world by having a 14 year old crack baby get knocked up by a 28 year old meth addicted redneck

FKASchultzHater: It’s factual – and unfortunate: The dumb are breeding at astonishing numbers, but….

Polygamy would require that you “take care” of 20 or so wives – we don’t need that – we need the government to sterilize all the crack head mutants so they can’t reproduce…then women could buy superior super sperm from Big Brother…with Food Stamps

Disciples of GP: Food Stamps for Sperm…you’re 180-ing the foundation of our society: cash-for-eggs

FKASchultzHater: Imagine all the incredible accomplishments America could achieve without all the dumb people dragging us down

Disciples of GP: Instead of wasting time in Iraq we would have already conquered other planets

FKASchultzHater: My Suburban would be a spaceship by now

Disciples of GP: Take the depiction of the year 2010 from movies in the 1980’s – hover boards, flying cars, reality sex rooms….so far all we’ve created is iPhones and twitter…really???

But…..we did achieve major advancements in video games……hope you nerds enjoy the slightly better graphics on the exact same Madden video game I was playing on a Sega Genesis in 1993

Disciples of GP: Our brilliant American minds added more buttons to a video game controller – real smart advancement America - Nintendo Duck Hunt offered a more interactive gaming experience than X-Box

Disciples of GP: At least in the 80’s they had the imagination to project what the future would hold in 2010…Hollywood recently made ‘2012’…a daring look at 2 years in the future ….way to dream big

FKASchultzHater: Movie probably wasn’t too far off in terms of the future sucking - we’re digressing…just look at air travel – no more of this

Now my first class scotch is served to me by ‘Trevor,’ my ssssssuper excited flight buddy

Disciples of GP: Speaking of back in the day - why do these Mormons waste so much time on bicycles when they could be breeding with 7 different women

FKASchultzHater: Like most religions outside Christianity, you are supposed to “give up” or “sacrifice” something in return for some sort of promise…..

Muslims kill themselves with a promise of 72 virgins in the afterlife

Mormons ride bicycles in foreign lands for two years with the hope they can handle 7 wives

Disciples of GP: Blowing up innocent civilians guarantees you the 3rd base spot at the Hitler-Stalin-bin Laden blackjack table in Hell - I’m going Mormons 2 Muslims – 0

FKASchultzHater: You could just be a Christian and skip the “sacrifice” part

But be careful because sometimes Christians even get confused

Disciples of GP: Who else should be allowed to breed in our country?

FKASchultzHater: Well Tiger Woods and Brett Favre have been trying…they've understood this concept for years. Only one egg to impregnate is not helping anyone

Disciples of GP: Settled - so we will take super athletes into our club as well

FKASchultzHater: We should add some talented artist so we can enjoy good music down the road, and any elite wine makers, liquor distillers, and scientist (focusing on Xanax and energy) -but certainly no male waitresses

Disciples of GP: How could we enact such policies?

FKASchultzHater: I have some elite German blood in me and Germans are typically smart across the board but they somehow allowed a psychopath to lead them to Satanic acts against other humans. So I would imagine that the United States would be much easier to take over given that we are so dumb.

Disciples of GP: I think it’s easier to just form a religion based on elite breeding and then try to spread it around (like other religions – especially Mormons - are doing)

FKASchultzHater: It would be like the country club of Religions – everybody would want to join and we would reject most of them

Disciples of GP: I think these Mormons are on to something, what sort of brilliant mind came up with “magic underwear” to ensure all girls are virgins at marriage?

FKASchultzHater: Magic underwear and 7 wives? I might spend two years on a bike for that…

Hellllllllllo Romney’s!!

Disciples of GP: I’ll take this and asking for forgiveness on Sundays

FKASchultzHater: Agree, see you at Church…as for tomorrow…Christians 48 Mormons 10

No comments: