Tuesday, October 12, 2010

BYU Hate Round 1: The Mormon Mission.

Mission Accomplished, Jerry.

I like any other human being with a soul (although the existence of my soul could be debated), believe mission work is a great thing. As much as we make fun of the Tim Tebow’s and Colt McCoy’s of the world, what the do is good for man kind and helpful to less fortunate people in third world countries. Tim Tebow has assisted with his father’s orphanage in The Philippines as well as a bunch of other mission work in the area. Colt McCoy took a week long mission trip to Peru, giving kids clothes and other necessities to make life easier. Basically, mission work is good. Going out and building a hospital in Honduras or giving immunizations in Tanzania is very beneficial (although Tim Tebow circumcising Filipino boys might be taking it a little too far, but I’ll stay away from that). But obviously this post isn’t to ramble on about the greatness of mission work and how much it benefits the world. Of course I have an ulterior motive…

Pretty sure this is VERY frowned upon...

Mormons, including BYU football players go on missions too…Mormon missions. These missions do not include the things mentioned above. These aren’t done in third world countries to improve their livelihood; houses aren’t built in low income areas of the United States by these people. The purpose of these missions is almost primarily dedicated to teaching the Gospel/getting people to convert to Mormonism. Now, I realize that conversion has been a goal of mission work since the beginning of time, but in most cases, there is usually some sort of assistance in return (i.e. I help you build a village-you teach Christianity type thing). I can’t wait to get called ignorant for what I am saying, and truthfully, I’m fairly ignorant on the topic, but what is done on Mormon missions that are beneficial to others? The majority of them, called proselytizing missionaries, go door to door on bicycles (they aren’t supposed to use their own private automobiles, which seems logical) teaching the gospel hoping to gain converts. That’s not so bad, is it? What the fail to tell you is that once you join the church, it is MANDATORY for you to donate 1/10 of your interest annually, to the Mormon Church if you want to reach the highest kingdom of Heaven. Basically, you get taxed annually to be a member.

So my point is this: while there is plenty of mission work, done by many different people from many different walks of life, that is good for humanity and beneficial to society, the purpose of the Mormon mission is primarily to generate revenue for the church. There is no give and take. It is a “we convert you, you give us money” approach. It should also be noted (for no other reason but to throw salt in the wound) that BLACKS WERE NOT ALLOWED TO DO MORMON MISSION WORK UNTIL 1978! I think Bear Bryant put blacks on his football team before you accepted black into your religion! Real classy, LDS. I’m sure that’s what God really wants. Well, maybe not God, but some chump named Joseph Smith...

CLEARLY post-1978.

Good riddance, BYU. Good riddance to you, your silly beliefs, and your pitiful excuse for a football team. I hate you more than anyone. I hate you so much that it makes Sir Wesley Willis look smitten with SMU. Take your propaganda elsewhere. I’ll be the one at the game Saturday, slugging down a caffeinated coke (gasp!) halfway filled with whiskey (double gasp!!) while laughing and cursing (heathen!!!) at your pitiful football team. I may even smoke a victory cigar (sinner!!!) and get laid in celebration (cue Mormon reader’s head exploding).

10 comments:

Lyle Lanley said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lyle Lanley said...

"I may even get laid in celebration"

Calling your shot, huh?

shortnkerley's said...

Well, it may be by my own hand, but that's still a no-no by Mormon standards.

Rams said...

I have to say I'm pleased to see that the TCU fan base hates BYU as much as the CSU fan base does. Reminds me of a sign a CSU fan made one time that had "B-itch Y-ou U-gly" written on it. I hope you guys crush them!

http://csufootball.blogspot.com/

LA Frog said...

Any creatvie ideas how to get the Mormons from stop visiting my house on the weekends? I have been nice, but that did not work. Ignoring them would be boring.

Rotten Arsenal said...

LA Frog... I've found that not making eye contact while using power tools is a pretty good deterrent

HFrog77 said...

LAF:

How about answering the door squeezing your favorite naked blow-up doll? Then make them talk to her rather than you...

HF77

shortnkerley's said...

Offer them a glass of scotch and a cigarette. That should make them hit the road pretty quick.

Tobe said...

As a Ute, I won't defend BYU (foul-mouthed hypocrite fans), but I'll defend my Church. No point arguing doctrine, but I'll answer your question: "what is done on Mormon missions that are [sic] beneficial to others?"

* Missions cover most of the world (other than the Middle East and China), including third-world countries. In some countries (e.g. India?), there's no proselytizing, only humanitarian service.
* The proselytizing missionaries have service time each week (don't remember how much, might have changed). For me in Indiana, this included helping kids learn to read at school, helping in retirement homes or libraries, helping people move, re-roofing a house, mowing lawns, shoveling snow, etc.
* Missionaries participate in our overall humanitarian work, including (http://tinyurl.com/2ew3obj) projects for clean water, wheelchair initiative, improve vision, teach neonatal resuscitation, other "medical" missions, teach sustainable gardening to grow vegetables and raise small animals, responding to emergencies and disasters, teaching English, community cleanup, and much more.

* Regarding tithing, again I won't go into doctrine, but contrary to your statement ("what they fail to tell you..."), everybody learns about tithing before they can join the church. I won't go into the "mandatory" issue (I'm sure I'd be wasting my breath), but I'll tell you this much: our tithing doesn't go to line the pockets of our leaders, as we have no paid ministry. Tithing helps pay for all of that humanitarian work, to build/maintain buildings, etc.

So while we certainly won't agree on doctrine (whatever your definition of "Christianity" may be to arbitrarily exclude us), I hope you've learned that we do a lot to help others. Don't go ragging on my church for things you make no effort to understand.

But go ahead and rag on BYU, and beat them into the ground. Let's meet undefeated in a few weeks. It would be great if one of us can propel the other into the BCS "championship" game. I don't think we really have a chance, but if we have to lose to somebody, it would be least painful to lose to you and push you past Boise State. Go Utes and go Frogs!

Tobe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.