Disciples of GP: If SMU is so filthy wealthy, why can’t they buy a win today? Can’t they just bribe some refs or poison our team’s pre-game meal? Tonya Harding with middle class income got better results
FKA SchultzHater: Maybe they can’t afford it anymore??
Disciples of GP: I’m hearing this economy has really taken its toll on poor SMU, I saw a lot of 2007 entry level Mercedes while I was creep-stalking around campus the other day
FKA SchultzHater: Entry level ’07 models? Wow, they are losing on all ends right now- nobody even wants to go there anymore
TCU: 14,989 applicants for 1,821 spots
SMU: 8,354 applicants for 1,329 spots
Disciples of GP: Shocking, then there is no way around it-
SMU is officially poor
FKA SchultzHater: And they can’t buy a win from TCU
Disciples of GP: True, come to think of it, I did hear a few weeks ago that Highland Park High School was having a bake sale to raise money for their struggling neighbors to the east
FKA SchultzHater: I bet their students can’t even afford expensive drugs anymore, I heard the latest OD was on homemade meth manufactured by a student trying to pay his way through school
Disciples of GP: Shocking...do you mean to tell me on gameday I could probably score some cheap Mexican hash but there will be no chasing the dragon? What else should we expect for gameday?
FKA SchultzHater: Not sure, I mean their “brand new” stadium only cost $42 million to build, I heard they even have bums that live it...students have even started bringing weapons to games
Disciples of GP: I bet they even had to “bond it” like a public school ugh.....I like how we just oil and gassed ours....34 boosters and Texas oil money just gave the ‘bad economy’ a 100 million dollar fuck you...
What about the team?
FKA SchultzHater: Well they scored more points on Texas Tech than UT could last week...so they are probably better than UT...
Disciples of GP: Baylor could win the Big 12 this year...
FKA SchultzHater: Look, this team is legit, I hear they have an Olympian shot putter at Defensive End AND they declared a “Red Out” for Friday night...I still predict 49-13 though
Disciples of GP: What should we expect from the girls this week?
FKA SchultzHater: The girls are alarmingly hot but you must proceed with caution because SMU students only use the cheapest of drugs...now that SMU is broke and desperate...like most Third World countries – AIDS is in play – partly from sharing needles to save money...but mostly because SMU guys like to combine street X with switch hitting
Disciples of GP: I’m wearing steel shank boots to the game so I don’t step on any gay AIDS needles while “Boulevarding”
FKA SchultzHater: While “Boulevarding” wrap it up....it has been a while since these lovely SMU girls have caught the whiff of legit trust fund royalty streams (or a man with a steady job)...make sure your weekend doesn’t go CRS: Cromartie (NFL) Rookie Season...7 kids, 6 moms, 5 states...
Disciples of GP: You’re really worried about pulling a CRS this weekend??
FKA SchultzHater: In simpler times (the Bush/Cheney era), you could feel confident an SMU co-ed didn’t want to get pregnant...back then, on the rare occasion one would sleep with you for money - it was only for really good drugs...nowadays it’s for tuition
Disciples of GP: SMU sounds like such a scary place. I can just picture a frazzly haired street urchin with meth teeth leering out from under imitation Gucci sunglasses...inquiring about my interest in a cash-for-sex transaction...he wears a button down shirt and bow tie...but no pants...just shorts...
FKA SchultzHater: Don’t let him claw at you...remember the AIDS...
Disciples of GP: It’s so sad and disgusting...I’m starting to feel sorry for SMU...just like you did last year
FKA SchultzHater: It’s a sad state of affairs...maybe they need the Spirit Defenders
Disciples of GP: The Spirit Rangers might actually be an upgrade from these guys
FKA SchultzHater: What are your plans for after the game? Any recommendations on places to gloat?
Disciples of GP: The SMU coed won’t even know the Ponies lost...her boyfriend will no doubt be busy handing out $10 glory hole tuggies in some dank club bathroom off Cedar Springs....so stick around campus/uptown and put the largest bill on the outside of your money clip...but above all, wear purple- girls like winners