Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Mwahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

September 2010 Cover
Ever since this arrived on my doorstep
I've been afraid to look in my mailbox.

For better or for worse, I've been a subscriber to to Texas Monthly for as long as I can remember, and I honestly couldn't tell you why. Sure, it sometimes has decent features, but it's an incredibly liberal rag with a pro-UT viewpoint and the Texanist section is arguably the most useless waste of column space this side of Jean Jacques Taylor. But, after receiving THAT in my mailbox last week, I'm out. I'm done. I immediately got on the TM website and cancelled my subscription, thus ridding myself of the politics of a magazine whose writers are almost all Texas transplants and view Texas mostly as a farcical land for story fodder rather than a place to live, and added another buck a month to my bank account. Yes, it's really a dollar a month to subscribe. That's 12 more dollars annually than I make writing for this blog, an amount I consider a wash considering I get to be my own editor.

Given, this cancellation was a long time coming, but after attempting to navigate the Colt slurp fest that was the cover story, I just can't do it anymore. Honestly, the fact that they put Colt on the cover doesn't bother me. Believe it or not, there are UT fans who hold him in higher esteem than Vince Young despite accomplishing half the feats, so it's a definitely a solid way to sell some magazines. But, the fact that they frame a Colt McCoy lovefest under the guise of a story about Texas QBs is what got me. Seriously, try and read it. I tried to skip over all of the Colt-centric paragraphs and get to the meat of the story, and before I knew it, I was done and hadn't learned a thing. It's not that I didn't know what I was getting into, it's just that it basically gives you no information about why the Texas QB has become what he has. It tries to offer some basic information about 7 on 7 football and how it transformed the "3 yards and a cloud of dust" old school football mentality espoused in Texas into the current spread style offenses you see in every major HS program today... but that's probably 100 words out of 10000. It never gets to the point and it never really mentions that most state's not named Texas also have 7 on 7 tournaments and also produce good quarterbacks. It's basically "Awww... Poor little Colt never got a chance to win the big one. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!" and I just couldn't stomach it.

And the kicker?

In the middle of the article it has a lineup of photographs showing the successful Texas QBs of the past 10-15 years, skewing heavily towards more current players. It should be noted that these photos are a clear smoke screen trying to draw reader attention away from the fact that they're reading a gay pride memorial to Colt McCoy. The spread has the usual suspects - Drew Brees at Westlake, Vince Young at Madison, Chase Daniel at Southlake - but it also features guys who haven't done anything in their collegiate careers such as Garrett Gilbert, Robert Griffin and Jerrod Johnson. Keep in mind, this article is supposed to be about Texas high school quarterbacks who were successful in high school and have taken that success and turned it into high caliber college careers, or more. So you'd think that list might include a quarterback who played at maybe THE Texas powerhouse high school and while there tossed 52 TDs, won 27 games, led his team to the state title game and was the Houston area-the biggest metro area in Texas, mind you - player of the year, then went to college IN TEXAS where he is a four year starter and has become the school's career leader in just about every category imaginable while leading his team to an undefeated season and BCS game and enters his senior season as the current NCAA leader in wins? That guy, no matter his hair color, might merit some attention, right?

Do you still wonder why I cancelled my subscription?

In my old age I've tried to tone down the aggressive language, especially when writing on here because I know it's gone beyond the five guys it started with, but I'm making an exception here. Fuck You, Texas Monthly. Fuck You right in the ear. If you've ever wondered why the print news industry is an epic failure, look no further than that. I mean, does this make any sense? Oh, and to be fair, Dalton gets one mention... in a long paragraph mentioning about 15 other QBs and gets no distinguishing treatment. How can you call yourself a legitimate publication and then write an article about Texas High school Quarterbacks and leave him off? I mean, I accept that Colt McCoy is going to be your center piece. I really do because, when you're charging a dollar a month for a subscription, you've gotta generate some outside sales. This is the same reason I've never had a problem with Rivals overlooking our recruiting classes. But to act like he's the most successful high school QB to ever come out of Texas is absolutely ludicrous. I mean, in this article, Jordan Shipley gets more play than Dalton... JORDAN SHIPLEY!! Infuriating. Absolutely infuriating.

So, after reading that you'd think Colt McCoy is going to go on to be the next Peyton Manning or Joe Montana or Dan Marino, right? Well, it appears the Cleveland Browns might share my skeptical views on Colt McCoy's talent level because, according to SI.com, it looks like Colt just might not make the cut in Cleveland. In fact, Colt is the top guy on their list when it comes to guys who are on the chopping block. Cleveland, a team that currently employs Jake Delhomme - !!!!!!!!!!- and Seneca Wallace at QB. According to the piece, Colt is in a losing battle for the third QB spot with something called Brett Ratliff. I don't even think that player exists. A pro-UT fan would probably try and frame this as a loser organization not knowing a good thing when they have it, but you'll recall that Mike Holmgren recently took over as Cleveland's GM, and history suggests he knows a thing or two about quarterback talent.

So, I repeat - Colt McCoy, Texas Monthly coverboy and the guy that Texas fans felt could've been a late first rounder and was a "steal" in the third round, could get cut by an organization that still employs JAKE DELHOMME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! In all honesty, I don't even really hate Colt McCoy like I've hated many other UT athletes, but you have to admit there's quite a bit of karmic justice in this situation. Getting to use Colt McCoy as a reason to finally cancel my subscription to a publication I don't even like, and then possibly having Colt cut by the Cleveland Browns in the same month makes me feel like a true winner. You know, like an Andy Dalton.

Die, Texas Monthly. Just die.

14 comments:

John Lamberth said...

I saw that issue at the grocery store last week and had an incredible urge to burn down the whole building since just having that crap on the grounds made it unfit for human occupancy.
I skimmed through it too and was gobsmacked that AD received no accolades but Garrett "The Greatest QB Ever (since Colt McCoy)" Gilbert gets visibility.

Elizabeth said...

I never comment on anything, but I have to whole heartedly agree that this story was completed SHIT. I bought this at the grocery store (shamefully and as an impulse) because I needed a pool side read and truly believed that my favorite ginger would FINALLY be receiving some recognition as the fine athletic specimen that he is. Not only was I disappointed in the fact that he was mentioned in about 5 words of this entire article, but also in the fact that there was absolutely NO point to what I was reading...well and that I wasted 5 dollars on nothing. I cancelled my TX Montly membership a while ago, but had I not...this would have been the straw that broke this Horned Frog's back.

janorman74 said...

I'm with you man - I'm a subscriber and it came in the other day while I has home for lunch. I picked it up thinking surely this cover is just a gimmick - i'm an old hs fb player and thought it would cover 7-on-7 tournaments and the advent of the spread offense - maybe even credit ole Dutch Meyer as having the gumption to run it back in the 30s - NO.

It was the most utterly disgusting article I've ever read. I read every horrible word to hopefully find some redeeming quality but nothing. It basically credits Colt McCoy as the godfather of the Texas QB (NOT the guy who just won a superbowl, NOT the other UT QB who actually won a NC) no Colt fucking McCoy. Every other paragraph also had reference to his dad and instead of using his name or calling him dad no they said "Coach and Colt" "Coach and Colt" over and over and over again it was nauseting.

I could have suffered all of that had there been a SHRED of respect for the nations winningest active QB but no barely a whisper and the guys who are pictured it is just like you said a bunch of hacks who havent lived up to the hype.

I hope to GOD that we win an NC this year because it will be fantastic to watch all these hating douchebags choke on their words as they write our puff piece.

LT4heisman said...

Yeah, this thing is sitting on my bathroom floor catching rougue pee dribbles. Like you, Elizabeth, it was an impulse buy that I totally regret. But I knew what I was getting into. I'm kind of a sadist to begin with. To think I could have picked "Low-Rider", "Curves", or a damn coloring book makes its even worse.

I'd also recommend to anyone who comes across this magazine to skim through and check out the Roberto Coin ad featuring Mrs. McCoy, and her Longhorn pendents. If Colt can't retain employment with the Browns, I suspect we'll be seeing a lot more of her.

I HATE H said...

Well said and couldn't agree more Sir Willis. You just put a little hate in my heart that will be directly used against the Zebra H this weekend no matter how good of job he does.

LA Frog said...

Does TX Monthly publish "Letters to the Editor"? If so, we all need to write in to 2 things: 1) poor journalism as already stated here in that the title of the story should be "Coach and Colt: We Don't Deserve This?" becasue this story has nothing to do with the rise of TX quarterbacks -- where is the story on the progressiveness of high school football and 2) the disrespect to the winningest active college QB who is about to pass Slingin Sammy -- where is his paragraph and picture?

Bumblebeetuna said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bumblebeetuna said...

I forwarded it on to UT Monthly and told them to expect some hate coming their way...

Sir Wesley Willis said...

Tx Mo DOES publish letters to the editor, but they're just like anyone else where the good press: bad press ratio is in the 10:1 range.

SuperSweet HornedFrog said...

Everybody save ur copies and we can have an organized tailgate where we all burn them and whatever other UT propaganda material you may own

jc963 said...

Just like you said about the Beavers (or maybe it was one of your colleagues who posts here) no one outside of Dallas gives a crap about an insignificant program such as the Hornedfrogs! By the way, you rip on the Beavers mascot. What the he'll kind of mascot is a Frog? Wow, real scary! It is a slimy little amphibian!

shortnkerley's said...

JC-
1) TCU isn't in Dallas, dumb ass, so get your facts straight.
2) we aren't the TCU Frogs. It's Horned Frogs. And do you really need someone to tell you what that is or can you just look it up? I'll give you a hint- a horned frog isn't slang for vagina.
3) I didn't make fun of the Beaver's mascot. I made fun of Oregon State's mascot- the Beavers.
4) #6 in the country and 10 wins every year isn't insignificant. The PAC-10 is insignificant with USC on probation.

See you Saturday

Thomas said...

Recall that the cover story last year was about Mike Leach, and a TCU fan had a great letter in the Nov. 2009 issue:

Mike Leach is not the best college football coach in the country, as texas monthly asserts. Leach isn’t even the best in Texas. No, that would be Gary Patterson, of Texas Christian University. Conference titles: Patterson 2, Leach 0. Seasons of ten wins or better: Patterson 5, Leach 1. Top 25 finishes: Patterson 5, Leach 4. And Patterson is doing it at TCU without the BCS cash.
John C. Sherwood
Dallas

Julio said...

I just saw this at Walgreens. At first I simply turned around all the Texas Monthly mags. A lovely Crown Royal add was on the back.
Still not enough.
So I grabbed a Texas Football magazine, folded the cover accordion style so only Andy was showing, and put it in front of the Texas Monthly mags.
This was the Walgreens at Hillcrest and NW Hwy in Dallas which happens to be the closest one to SMU. Two birds, one stone.