Thursday, July 8, 2010

Purke Wins Again.

Matt Purke... or Osama Bin Laden?

For those of you who aren't in the know, Matt Purke put together an OK season for the Frogs this year. At least for a pitcher in the Mountain West Conference who doesn't face any real competition all year and plays for a small private school. I mean, the story was cute and all, but let's get serious: TCU? They're no Baylor, that's for sure. But, for some reason, the minds at Baseball Prospectus decided to take pity and name the poor guy as their Freshman Pitcher of the Year. I guess the major programs didn't have anyone of interest to toss out there this year. Tragic.

Personally, I would've given the honor to someone a LITTLE more respectful of the game than Purke, what with his mohawk, glasses and don't even get me STARTED on the way he wears his hat! Nevermind that it's the most comfortable way for it to fit his head and gives him better visual range when checking down base runners! All those balks this year? It's just the ghost of Teddy Ballgame and the Babe smiting him for his transgressions. I mean, the kid turned down $4 million because it wasn't enough money for him. Doesn't he realize there are starving people in Africa who are now also deaf due to overexposure to vuvuzuelas? Doesn't he realize that the country is in a recession and that normal Americans are working two jobs just to put food on the table? Isn't it just so foolish that Purke, rather than taking guaranteed money from a bankrupt organization that couldn't hold up their end of the contractual bargain thus bringing into question how much to trust them in the future, decided to go to college and develop his skills for two years so that when the majors are giving him big league money, they'll know they're paying a much more developed, big league ready talent? I mean, who wants to go experience college life with its endless buffet of temptations in the form of over-served sorority meat and $2 you-call-its anyway? Shouldn't Purke just quit baseball altogether after this insult? I'm just at a loss at this point. How does America not realize that, by giving Purke this award, the terrorists have truly won? Next thing you know we'll re-elect that anti-Christ Communist in the White House and bring forth the cataclysm of events set forth in the book of Revelations. And it's all thanks to Purke refusing to wear his hat forward. Don't you forget it.

This Public Service Announcement has been brought to you by Frank in Wichita, KS.

17 comments:

LT4heisman said...

$2, you call it. Whatever happened to those?

shortnkerley's said...

The Boom Room close circa fall '04/winter '05, thus putting an end to $2 you call it. Soon after it became a raging gay bar that hates our type. By the way, couldn't agree more. Purke is a terrorist who hates Jesus. Our student athletes need to model themselves more in the University of Texas mode. Now those are class act kids (and coaches).

Rotten Arsenal said...

I wish Purke would be more like those guys from UCLA... I mean, how could you not love that all-American smugness. Hell, instead of giving the award to Purke this year, they should have just given it to Trevor Bauer. Obviously if you have to get so far down the list and past the real schools to find a half-way decent Freshman pitcher, you might as well just give it to some class act Sophomore like Bauer instead.

SuperSweet HornedFrog said...

Man, i wonder what Kenny is doing these days....The Boom Room was possibly the best bar at TCU during its short run

Lyle Lanley said...

Tiff & Andi's is not a gay bar

THEFINCH said...

I spent my 21st birthday there, at least that's what my friends tell me. It has a special place in my heart

shortnkerley's said...

It's got a gay name. That's got to count for something. And they don't have any awesome bartenders like Kenny. I used to play erotic photo hunt about 4 nights a week with that guy.

Spit Purple said...

The Boom Room followed by a Stop Making Sense dance party with SuperSweet, tough to beat a night of that.

Tiff and Andi's is a gay bar, two bull dikes working the door didn't let me in one night. It didn't end well.

Cro-magnon Frog said...

Tiff and Andi's is absolutely a gay bar.

Right when it opened we decided we were going to go and claim it for ourselves instead of letting all the homos control it. Needless to say we got kicked out numerous times because we didn't like to play tummysticks with each other.

shortnkerley's said...

It's more of a scissoring/Melissa Ethridge "Come Through My Window" (great song) type bar. Not so much of a tummysticks place. But yes, they do frown upon drunken ex-TCU crowds there...and we have successfully alienated the spitblood gay community (if it existed).

Cro-magnon Frog said...

If there are gays in the spitblood community, they probably have a good enough sense of humor to roll with the punches.

I mean, everyone can have ut and smu hate. Black white brown red yellow gay straight, hell even some retards have smew and longhorn hate.

I'm sure spitblood welcomes gays as long as they also have hate in their hearts

Sir Wesley Willis said...

I thought this WAS a gay oriented site?? I mean, did you read anything I wrote about Bryan Holaday?

CounselorFrog said...

It might not be a "gay bar". But it the bar itself is for sure gay. On my 21st they let me in but wouldn't let in another acquaintance of ours who was already 22 because they thought his ID was fake. I never forgave them for that insult.

(The acquaintance might resemble the lead character in Boy Meets World - put your thinking caps on)

LT4heisman said...

I remember your birthday, Finch. What a shit show.

FunkytownFrogFan said...

Actually, I met my wife at Tiff & Andi's.

(Important Note: I'm a dude)

THEFINCH said...

i'm glad somebody enjoyed it

BuckNasty said...

I think that might have been the same night I had a $150 bar tab on $2 you call it night, walked out, ripped the yield sign out of the street, and then proceeded to punch out all of the windows in our garage and powerdrive the coffee table into our living room floor. So, yes, I think I enjoyed it too.