Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Hate Manifesto Intro: The Dark Cloud Descends on Fort Worth

This guy looks familiar

I am admittedly one of the preeminent UT conspiracy theorists in the entire country… a person who looks at the tough USC penalties coming at the same time UT is talking about moving to the Pac 10 not as coincidence, but as the product of some NCAA official being given mineral rights in Midland compliments of a big UT donor trying to sabotage a future conference rival. Let’s just say the décor of my bunker has a lot of aluminum foil to safely house my physical inventory of game film showing the officiating breaks UT has been entitled to over the years. The 2009 Neb/UT game is my non-comedic version of the Zapruder film…and before anyone starts in on how they got the call right (or how JFK was a good president)- yes upon review it looked like there might’ve been a second left on the clock, however, the NCAA rule states that only ‘egregious’ clock errors can be reviewed, and unlike basketball, football officials don’t review the last few seconds to see if the shot clock light turned red, instead the clock operator keeps time and only when there is an EGREGIOUS error do they review….it’s not situational….a second or two isn’t egregious…in fact a second or two normally ticks off on incomplete passes and is never reviewed and it didn’t happen for FSU/MIA or right before halftime of ATM’s bowl game last year, and the only way 1-second is egregious is if you’re UT and the Big 12 looking to get ‘your’ team into the NC game…which I hope after all this conference realignment talk it is abundantly clear to everyone that UT and the Big 12 are really 1 in the same. [wipe sweat from brow, breath]

These are the types of ‘conspiracy theories’ that rattle around in my head. UT always has to have an edge- be it money, politics, or moving a conference HQ and championship game to its own backyard. As soon as conference realignment talk geared up- I could hear the black helicopters circling, so I immediately built a database of all 30 (1 was vacant) state senators. 7 had attended UT Austin…and a good chunk of them were efffff-ing attorneys (not including 2 more that attended UT System schools). The next closest school was ATM w/ 4. TCU only counted 2. Not good. I crossed reference the education committee, the finance committee, and then did the same high level review of the state House…if the government can hide aliens from us for decades, what can a strategically evil institution with government ties/funding hell bent on college football domination pull off?

Well, let's see…..UT flirts with the Pac 10 forcing the Pac 10 to take Colorado early so they can head off the Texas political engine that might force the Pac 10 to take Baylor instead of CU. UT, terrified of ATM going to the SEC and opening up Texas to the likes of Nick Saban, Urban Meyer, and an in state SEC presence in ATM, ultimately decides to stay put and create the UT Sponsored Big 12 Band Aide Conference consisting of UT and the 9 Wittle Brothers (ed note: even though ATM and OU are suppose to be getting equal money on this TV contract nobody has yet seen- that is public perception). This sets off the chain of events that sends Utah to the Pac 10 so they can have 12 teams and a championship game thereby screwing us.

You’re probably asking yourself where I’m going with this…rehashing old news, telling you my conspiracy theories, etc. Well the reason is simple- you need some context…context to appreciate the seriousness of THIS. Read it. No seriously click the link and read it. UT is setting up a sleeper cell in Fort Worth. Yes- UT IS SETTING UP A T-SHIRT TRAINING CAMP IN OUR BACKYARD. I don’t know if there’s anything we can do to stop this, but we need to start brainstorming doubt bad vampires Mack and DeLoss are plotting something diabolical. Put any ideas in the comments- so far everything I can come up with involves Tannerite.


LA Frog said...

Mayor Moncrief is behind the Frogs after trying to dye the Trinity purple, so let's write him letters about this evil plot to have burnt orange infiltrate the beautiful city of Ft. Worth. What would he think if all the national attention Ft. Worth is planning on getting (with pre-SuperBowl broadcasts in Sundance Square) went to Austin because a lot of burnt orange nation was there in there new clothes. I don't think he would like that. The home team (TCU) and Ft. Worth should garner all the attention during the biggest sports event. Write him a letter

LA Frog said...

Or just graffiti the place; or purple paint ballon bombs the store (and the customers as they come out)

purplepeopleater said...

A big picket turnout would be good. Maybe with signs that say "keep Fort Worth normal."

Adam said...

Where do they get off thinking that selling licensed merchandise is non-profit?


SuperSweet HornedFrog said...

Let just march around the store with pictures of Mack Brown with a Hitleer mustache...thats always gets people worked up

Texas Hammer said...

F texas and their sleeper cell t-shirt shop.

I wandered into the one in Houston and it's just awful. There's more propaganda bullshit in that place than you can imagine.


D said...

raise some funds and pay a mobile advertising semi to block it with our un-welcome message.