Man, lots of hate going around this week. Yesterday we saw a middle age man declare both cyber AND real life physical warfare on a recent college grad VIA HIS FACEBOOK ACCOUNT...AND he's a Frog fan...AND it was all over a charity to help the Frogs. Man, crazy times...I for one am reserving my hate for UNLV- so let's get to it, and for those new friends who've never read a Frog Talk installment, I'm going to apologize for our two guests ahead of time, they are vulgar, sexist, maybe vile, and absolutely offensive.
FKASchultzHater: Dictionary Definition: "Scott Nix'ed": Whenever a person, typically an older man with small man's syndrome, is given power or perceived power, and uses it to demean, control, and insult other people providing himself with some sort of personal gratification that he is not getting anywhere else in his life...
Disciples of GP: Often they overestimate their power, and their charming personality is usually accompanied by a ridiculously uncalled for threat. Reason, quick wit, and the suggestion of a spelling contest can usually unnerve them. Have you ever been "scott nix'ed"?
FKASchultzHater: Yes, 5 weeks ago, it's 8am and I am on the way to work, I get pulled over, I am a little far from the curb, so I move over a couple feet, cop walks up, protruding belly and "power" mustache on display, and claims I might have been evading arrest. I explain I was just trying to get further off the road and "evading arrest" is a bit crazy.......he then accuses me of drinking (8am). He slaps me with a speeding ticket and insurance ticket (expired card of course). He actually asks me "what is in my coffee" after I volunteer a breathalyzer test, he smirks, gives me a "I'm gonna let you go this time" look and 'waddles' back to his car. It took 30 mintues. This was 5 weeks ago....I got "Scott nix'ed". How about you?
Disciples of GP: Airport Security and the TABC seem to have institutionalized that behavior. Of course your reference to the cop power trip is all too familiar, ask Ryan Moats. Do you realize this game is on Halloween...spooky scary...will there be a lot of costumed goblins in the stands?
FKASchultzHater: Not sure, but I know at least 15 students will be dressed as gay cowboys...
Disciples of GP: Yeah, what is up with those guys? Looks like they're trying to create the UT Silver Spurs/Cowboys here at TCU....no thanks, if you want UT traditions grab your frisbee golf disk and Nancy Pelosi coffee mug and take your smug hybrid driving ass down to that Cal Berkeley sleeper cell in Austin. What do you know about this broke back group?
FKASchultzHater: From what I understand they will be holding the first recruitment in the spring "open to everybody, including women" Seriously it looks like they consulted a gay hairdresser for costume design. I bet the pledgeship will consist of some sort of community service point system, where they give you smiley faces on a chart every week. At least they're trying to do something positive for the Frogs...I guess...
Disciples of GP: Yeah...I guess. What girls will UNLV bring to the game? How do I hit on them?
FKASchultzHater: Remember going to the Clubhouse? Probably not, but you can sit outside and smoke cigarettes with the dancers. It was there I learned that sometimes you can just say anything....and the girl can say anything, and true, untrue (dancers: "med students"), and after that night, it doesn't matter.........so, just say anything you want, clever, funny or neither – whatever. Just nothing offensive, cause med students are great.
Disciples of GP: It may be cliché, but how can you not talk Vegas when you talk about UNLV?? I mean how can you possibly spend the crazy days of your college life in a city where- "last night I blew my life savings playing blackjack and had sex with a Nubian street hooker using a shower cap as a carney"- is so commonplace, that the entire city embraces a nationwide "what happens in Vegas..." marketing campaign to encourage that behavior?
FKASchultzHater: I can only handle Vegas for 3 days and then I have "the fear" for a month, I come home broke and morally hungover, if you go to school there, you are living on a level I will never know.
Know Thy Enemy:
Disciples of GP: I'm pretty sure if we got to know UNLV fans we'd hate them. With 28k students, Tumbleweed Tech (as they used to be called until Texas Tech got an injunction) has a long and illustrious football history that began in 1968- since then they have been to 3 bowls (2 of which were the Vegas Bowl).
DFW actually has some 6-degrees of Kevin Bacon relationships with these desert people. For instance, Walker Texas Ranger "Jimmy" Trivette teaches at UNLV, Leon Lett jst earned his degree (a ringing endorsement for any academic institution), Shawn Marion played there, and so did local pro golfer Chad Campbell, but who is your favorite UNLV personality in these categories?
-Football: Randall Cunningham or "Ickey" Woods
-Music Industry: Suge Knight (played football) or Flo Rida
-Basketball: Jerry "Tark the Shark" Tarkanian or Larry "Grandmama" Johnson
-Person to drink with: Adam Scott or Jimmy Kimmel
FKASchultzHater: "Ickey Shuffle", Death Row Records, Shark, and of course Kimmel- and I hope no one reading this would choose Scott over Kimmel....Hey, isn't the UNLV mascot a confederate rebel? How do they get away with that?
Disciples of GP: 'Hey Reb!', their mascot, was originally a black and white anthropomorphized wolf in a Confederate gray uniform named Beauregard. This was chosen as a jab at the mascot of in-state rival University of NV, Reno, which had a similar mascot but in a Union uniform. This is all rather ironic b/c the state of Nevada didn't even exist during the Civil War (it was part of what was regarded as "Utah Territory"). Anyways, Beauregard stayed until the 1970s, when a group of black athletes pointed out that it was racist. The athletic department toyed w/ rebranding to a sexual pun and calling the team the Minutemen, but ultimately decided on a Colonial-like Rebel..."Hey Reb!". The lesson: "Rebel" is ok as long as it's Colonial and not Civil War. Interestingly, this new "Colonial" Rebel still has a grey hat...and his colors are red...which if I recall my "Colonial" history correctly...weren't the British the redcoats, not the Colonialist Rebels??? If I'm not mistaken, this new 'Colonial' Rebel is still Beauregard, but 100% human instead of part wolf and part human....so maybe the lesson is racist wolf-human mascots are not ok...I'm not sure...
FKASchultzHater: Let's play a game- You might be a Scott Nix if.......
-You yelled at a baby making too much noise at a restaurant that's not your own
-You give overly strong and uncomfortable handshakes to everybody masking your inner weakness
-In little league baseball, you paid the refs to call strikes while your son was pitching
-When people think of you, they think of this guy