Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Salt Shaker 3/4/09

This shit-eating grinning bastard is William Shakespear. He recently won a contest to be the new mascot of my rumors posts, narrowly edging out Brad, "The Our Little Secret Rapist." I keep my ear pretty well against the ground, and here a lot of rumors from the athletic department. There is at least some truth to all of them, but some will never come to fruition and others may not be verified for a while. The good news is, I'm not involved with any big enough media organizations to be worth planting a false rumor with.

So take them all with a hearty grain of salt, but don't be surprised if they come true.

The football schedule is complete, but not finalized. Expect dates to move in the coming months on the schedule, including the season opener coming a bit earlier and an off weekend before the showdown with Clemson. Patterson backed out of a potential Ole Miss opener because he wants his starters ready for game speed before playing a big name opponent. Texas State ought to do nicely before we leave for UVA.

Mountain West Continues BCS Shake Up [UPDATE]

The Mountain West continues to bang on the BCS doors in New York, but as usual, no one is listening. Today this was on the front page headlines of you some reading, it says the MWC has shown their proposal to the BCS honchos. It is an 8-team playoff. Aren't there 10 teams allowed in now?

I've gotta say, I just don't get the proposal. The ESPN story say it "would allow greater access to teams outside the six most powerful leagues." Normally, I would assume the plan offered a guaranteed bid to the highest ranked team out of the "Big 6." This story from last week doesn't bode well for that. Apparently the WAC Commissioner Karl Benson was so enthralled with the talks he hung up. And then a voice announced his departure to the rest of those in on the call. Ugh.

The country is starting to see the Mountain West as a troublemaker. Not the fun, Bart Simpson kind. More the PETA, "We're supporters of retarded legislation wasting time" kind.The conference is violating a Sports Commandment: "Thou Shalt STFU, and Prove It On the Field." Some would argue we've proved ourselves. Some still would say we have to do it year in and year out. Karl Benson thinks we should keep proving it over a four year period.

And I agree. When you lose the support of only other conference who has any room to step up and call bullshit, you've got a problem. As pointed out here by a Sporting News columnist, if what the MWC really wants is entrance into the National Championship Game to be realistic, we could have had it last year. When we voted against a Plus One system. Even though the SEC and ACC brought it up for discussion.

And all of this doesn't even get to the fact that the MWC proposal is completely unrealistic, and we know it. I am a die hard TCU fan. If you're reading this, odds are you are too. Let's say this proposal went in to effect this year and TCU actually clinched a spot in the field of eight. So there are seven games that we will fill with current bowl games.

Round 1: Cotton, Holiday, Gator and Fiesta bowls
Round 2: Sugar and Rose bowls
Championship: Orange Bowl

Keep in mind, we will be a lower seed, required to go place at the closest bowl to the higher seed. So in the first round, we draw Florida in the Gator Bowl. The University picks up the tab (for now) to get our team, band, coaches and anyone else who looks good on TV there. Diehards like you and I buy our flight, hotel and game tickets. This is the biggest moment in TCU football since the Championship, after all! And holy shit, we win. Tebow is distracted by God whispering in his ear all game, and throws the game winning pick six in the flats. TCU advances.

Round two, we are again the lower seed to USC. Off to Pasadena. Again, the University brings the house. I turn a couple (dozen) of back-alley tricks that I will never be able to wash off, no longer how long I'm in the shower, but I got the money. Keep in mind, these games are literally going week-by-week, so flights and hotel rooms were out of this world expensive. But this is the biggest moment in TCU football since the Championship, after all! I ask for another four day weekend and my boss begrudgingly accepts. And we finally get to line up against those Kansas City faggots and show them how we play ball. We go down 14 early before fighting our way back in the third. Gary's defense has Dirty Sanchez's apprentice running scared. We get the ball back with three minutes to play, and our backfield grinds it out. From 2nd and 5 at the 50, we catch them off guard with a bootleg to TE Corey Fuller for 15 yards. Run the ball three more times, and kick a 48-yarder as time expires for our second upset!

We party our faces off in L.A., and Mickey Rourke invites back to his place for a fireman party! We're not sure what that means, but why not! All of us wake up the next day with nosebleeds and sore asses, but TCU IS IN THE GODDAMN NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP GAME!

On the ride home, one of your buddies says he thinks he was raped by Mickey Rourke. The rest of the trip continues in silence, as you all avoid eye contact and silently sob.

The team gets ready to face Texas in Florida. The eyes of Texas are upon us. No one else's are. Ratings are okay, but not the "Super Powers Collide" that the network was hoping for. Colt McCoy is out for the game, after nagging injuries finally catch up to him. So is half of our defense, as most guys in their first year starting weren't ready for an NFL-like schedule. But there is some intrigue in the match up, and it will be fun to see if the underdog belongs (despite having proven it twice over the last two weekends).

I make myself afford one more trip in the last month. I'm fired from my job, I can't afford season tickets for next year, I have to take on two new roommates who are foreign and goth, respectively, and I'm not sure when I will be able to afford a laser removal of my "Mickey Rourke's head on Superfrog's body" tattoo. All of my friends with common sense have stopped going since the Gator Bowl. It's just me and eight other Spit Blood bloggers, dressed in purple rags, with the scent of cough syrup heavy on our breath. We made it.

We finally get crushed, 38-14. With no one left playing at a high level, we fall to our backups, as does UT. Theirs are just more athletic. We break our redshirt on two players to try to even the playing field, but they don't quite know what they're doing and their mistakes led to two Longhorn touchdowns. They become scapegoats among bloggers like us (hell, I'm still stalking Ross Evans). And spend the next two seasons afraid to make a big play. Oh, and off a second disappointing season, LSU offers Gary a small island, complete with his own natives to worship him along with $4 million a year, to coach Tiger football. On the bright side, that same day I find an avocado pit with a little bit of avocado still on it next to my dumpster.

Look, I'm as game as anyone to change the system in college football. I think that a MWC team will never get a chance for a national title in the current situation is horseshit. I think every year, the best team out of the little conferences deserves an automatic bid, if only to shake up the BCS lineups a bit. But our conference commissioner, Craig Thompson, knows (or damn well should know) that a playoff is completely unrealistic. It takes "real" fans of teams away from games in favor of regional audiences who only care enough to watch it on TV in the current system.

So what comes of the talk of change from New York? Nothing as usual. Thompson is holding his fingers like a gun in his jacket pocket. The BCS has a real .357 holstered in it's coat.

If Thompson truly believes in changing the system, he must learn to work within the system as it is. Ally the conference with like-minded friends. Use larger conferences hatred of the system to create change. And if worse comes to worst, we have three years to make change for ourselves. But that is for the Utes and Cougars and our Horned Frogs to decide on the field. Not Mr. Thompson on a conference call.

UPDATE 3/4/09 6:26pm--The story has been updated on and the official proposal can be found here. After reading it, I stand by my criticisms. SpitBlood will keep you posted on reactions nationwide. Stay tuned.

Funny of the Day

2009 Football Season Preview 1/500

Just don't try telling that to SpitBlood contributors...
and, it's pronounced "pussies."

With spring football starting to get rolling, SpitBlood posts dying, and my office finally hooking up our web blocker thus giving me less time to surf for smut and more time to surf for all things Frog related, I think it's time to get football season kicked off. We all appreciate lyle's hard work and dedication to giving the baseball team props - and, at least at this point in the season, they are well deserved - and hope he keeps up the good work, but, just as it happened last year, SpitBlood went on a bit of a hiatus the day after the bowl game and did crank back up until around mid August. So far we've gotten through signing day, we've gotten through the combine and we're waiting on the April draft. Unfortunately, once the draft is over, football, and the sporting world as we know it, will be DOA until summer twoadays crank back up. Unless you count MLB as a sport, which hopefully most of you do not, the sports world runs from late August (NFL preseason, college kickoff) to mid to late June (NBA playoffs over), so we'll need something to fill the void for those 2 interim months where the only sporting entertainment we have is watching juiced up Dominicans hit a small white ball over a fence.

With that, I want to try something new this year to keep the site going, and that thing is Football... YEAR ROUND! That's right, I'm going to fill my empty days with researching all things Frog Football to satiate our rabid football appetites. J-Phil beat out Urlacher as the Bears starting MLB next year? I've got the goods. Frogzilla is laying down on his summer classes and could be academically ineligible and/or has a mental collapse? Well, after the heart attack, I'll fill you in. Ryan Christian got a normal haircut? We'll celebrate. AD got drunk at a Chi O rush event and crushed on some freshmen tail? You'll hear about it. Casey Pachall got three way'd by some cheerleaders at the Aardvark? You got it. So, let's hope this proposition works out a little better than my last one, which was attending 6 home bball games this year (final tally: 1. But we won!).

Today's Section: Pre-season Rankings (according to

First Pre-season Ranking: 25th

The pundits respect the man, the myth, the legend that is Jerry Hughes, but do not respect returning only four starters on defense so bviously these guys are unfamiliar with GP's system of out with the old and in with the new. They also are probably unaware of GPs labratory in the bowels of Amon G where he (literally) molds such men. In short, each off season GP evacuates his superior defensive seed (read: baby batter), stirs it around in a petri dish with the rage virus from 28 Days Later, then allows it to coagulate and grow in test tubes from early January through mid August. Have you ever seen the movie Gremlins? Because that plays a significant part. Whenever the potion is concocted, he then sprinkles it on a bound and caged Tommy Blake (the whole "mental breakdown" angle was really just a ploy to keep himi around and help the team), who lets out a screech and starts shooting infantile defensive athlete fetii out of his body, similar to what happens when you pour water on a Mogwai. These creatures grow and grow until signing day and THUS, the defense is born. Blake was begat by LaMarcus McDonald and McDonald was begat by Aaron Schoebel, so you see how this honor is passed down between generations. What, you think Jason Phillips was born of human flesh? Has anyone ever even HEARD of Waller, TX? No they haven't, because it doesn't exist. Henson was the lone player in the linebacking corp last year who was actually baked in a human womb, and, with a little genetic tampering, will fill TBs place after this season.

Where am I going with this? Basically just trying to reassure everyone that, despite losing seven starters, this defense will be up to scratch in 09 because those 4 returnees are quite, quite salty: CB Nick Sanders, CB Rafael Priest, WS TeJay Johnson (who will shift to FS) and, of course, DE Frogzilla - the one who created the bitchslap. D-Wash will take over the Henson/Phillips man-eater role at LB, along with Tank Carder and word on the street says Brock is going to probably fit the Robert Henson "I may not start but I'm going to be a team leader in tackles" position. We're mostly solid in the secondary, although Corderra Hunter hasn't shown us enough yet to give us confidence that he can play WS at a high level, and I have heard that he's been beaten down into thinking he's nothing more than a special teamer so hopefully he can break out of that funk and be useful. Whoever fills in at SS is going to have some big shoes to fill, but, we had these same fears when Gator left, and Hodge was definitely on equal footing with him as far as impact. One of those TB Gremlins will get the job done fine. The only real concern is on the DL because, outside of Zilla, things are a little questionable, but I believe lyle filled us all in a few days back about this and I know that this will be ok. Regardless, whoever steps up at RE is going to have the potential to do BIG things since J-Hughes will likely have the entire offensive line focusing on him every down. This defense won't finish as tops overall in the nation next year, but I wouldn't expect it to fall out of the top 10-15.

On the other side of the ball, Scout makes the comment that "the offense might not be a steamroller, but QB Andy Dalton leads a good group with a solid backfield and Jimmy Young back as the best receiver," which is kind of like saying, "Kincaids has pretty good burgers" or "I don't think Tony Romo is going to lead the Cowboys to the Super Bowl because he's a loser and a bitch"... in other words, a HUGE understatement. Not only did Dalton and Co. shatter a handful of offensive records, but, statistically at least, were among the 20 best offenses in the country. They also fail to take into account that just about everyone is back AND that our new recruiting class is the bees knees and has some immediate contributors. Yes, there are some interior line questions, but the O line is another area where GPs teams have never been lacking. I will save the actual position breakdowns for a later time - can't blow all my energy in one post, now can I? - but, the O line is not one of my biggest worries. With Gallegos apparently stepping up into the backup QB role, this will give us a chance to redshirt Casey Pachall and have an absolutel nasty offense over the next few seasons.

So is 25 a little high, a little low, or just right? Well, here are the teams ranked 20-24 in this poll, all of which I personally feel we are better than. Remember, this is a Scout poll and has absolutely no meaning on anything whatsoever:

Tennessee (21) - hahahahahahahahahahah, seriously?? 21st?? They must really think excessive spending buys you championships (see: Cowboys, Dallas). I admire Lane Kiffin's scrappy little attitude, but, come on dude, run your mouth when you've actually accomplished something. Urban Meyer is going to have sex with Kiffin's wife during halftime of that game.

Pitt (22) - The best way to describe Pitt is like a Prom Queen with an STD: They sure look pretty on the surface with those fancy recruiting classes, but underneath the dress, there's a team who will never win 10 games in a season/warts.

West Virginia (23) - No QB. Noel Devine refuses to live up to his hype. Deadbeat coach. Moonshine drenched fanbase in need of a reality check. The only thing they have going for them is that they play in the Sun Belt of the BCS conferences. Still, no way this team stays in the top 25.

Boise State (24) - Yeah, we beat pretty much the exact same team they're going to field on a neutral field that wasn't really that neutral because they packed their part of the house and we didn't. Still, they're likely going to run the tables in the WAC AGAIN, so look for them to remain in the Top 25 for the entire season. Can we start our own whiny 17-16 campaign?

Utah (20) - Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. Sorry, I realize this is out of sync, but I wanted to save it for last. No QB. Lost their OC. Used up all of their karma last season. God> Joseph Smith. The list goes on. I cannot wait to fuck these guys up in Fort Worth, hopefully not on a Thursday but probably on a Thursday. Going ahead and scheduling that Friday off when the games are announced. I suggest you all do the same.

Honestly, I could count down the entire Top 25 and pick apart each team because I'm anal like that (notables: Miami at 19 - since Randy Shannon has turned out to be such a brilliant coach, AND they just lost their DC to Oklahoma State. OKLAHOMA STATE!!! If that's not a sign of a program in a decline, I don't know what is. Nebraska at 17 - I've really got nothin, but this just doesn't seem right. Also, they'll have an early non conference loss to. Georgia at 16 - They weren't good even with a potential #1 overall draft pick QB and a guaranteed 1st round RB. Now they have neither. PWNED! Clemson at 15 - yeah, until we get done fucking their world up in front of the home crowd. Remember when they started top 10 last year and then didn't make a bowl? Let's hope the jinx works again. Georgia Tech at 11 (!!!!!!) - Do I even have to get into this? And I'm not even going to acknowledge where they have North Carolina, Ole Miss and Okie State ranked because I might throw up), but that would just be demonstrating the unfairness of how the guys making the rankings will still respect a BCS team over a non BCS one, even though said non-BCS team has the same flaws or, in most cases, far fewer flaws. I'm not saying I'd push us up into the Top 10, because, frankly, we probably aren't a top 10 team. Yet.

Coming up in the next couple of weeks I'll do a slap dash preview of the NFL Draft in relation to our few dudes who are in it and take a look at our schedule and how our competition ranks this year from top (Clemson, apparently) to bottom (SMU-and yes, I know we're playing Texas State), and maybe even throw in a few surprises. Well, probably no surprises. Be thankful for what you're getting already!

Morning Dump

First inning runs propel TCU baseball team to victory over UTA Star-Telegram

TCU spring football practice, day 3

Baylor baseball takes on another ranked foe
Waco Tribune

The rest of the news
Cowtown Clips

4 Big Home Games Ahead

After last night's 11-3 win over UTA pushed TCU's record to 6-1 on the season, the #11 Frogs return home for 4 straight home games, starting tonight. Steven Maxwell will start tonight for the Frogs when they take on #6 Baylor at 6:30pm. Then the Wichita State Shockers come to Funkytown Friday for a three game set this weekend.

Having heard Schlossnagle talk at some alumni functions over the years, you can tell he doesn't like either of the Frogs' guests this week. There have apparently been some disagreements in the past between Schloss and Baylor coach Steve Smith. With both clubs playing at such a high level so far this year, you know both will pull out all the stops to claim bragging rights tonight. Last year, the Frogs were 14-5 before they headed north to take on Wichita State in a 3-game series. They came home after being swept by the Shockers and went on to lose their next two weekend series, to New Mexico and UNLV. They recovered, but that rough stretch probably cost them in terms of seeding in the NCAA Tournament. When Schlossnagle spoke at the Dallas Coaches' Dinner last summer, you could definitely tell that he was looking forward to the opportunity to exact revenge on Wichita State.

With beautiful weather expected through the weekend, these might be among the most enjoyable games of the year at Lupton.