Friday, September 18, 2009

Week Two Preview: Southwest Texas State Armadillos

From the 2009 SWT Media Guide

To paraphrase my old pal R. Kelly, ” Now usually I dont do this but uh...Go 'head on and break em off wit a lil' previews of the TCU, Southwest Texas game.” I say I usually don’t do this because, let’s face it, how many interesting tidbits are there in regards to a game between a top 15 ranked D-1 team and a team that in decidedly not D-1? Sure sure, you can say, “tell that to Michigan” or “look what William and Mary did?” but, let’s be honest: we’re quite a bit more talented than either of those squads were when they played said games. Last year when we played SFA I can’t remember any sort of hype surrounding the game, but this Southwest Texas – I refuse to call them anything else- is a different sort of animal. Sure, there was a little bit of typical player rumblings from the SFA team last year – rumblings which we quickly dispatched to the tune of 60 points – but I honestly think SWT and their fans believe they can beat us. Obviously blog and message board banter is reserved for the most homerish of fans, but even I have my limits. I’m guessing most of you read this article which outlines how the Sinbad-led Armadillos can beat us, which is kind of like saying, “You know, if I had a time machine, about 20 more pounds of muscle, and a rocket arm, I could totally go back and train myself to be an NFL quarterback!” In other words, I appreciate your enthusiasm, but let’s be realistic here. Just as a refresher, here are the author's points.

  • Limit the Turnovers – Alright, let’s start out with the obvious – the team with the fewest turnovers typically wins. Armadillo fans will have you believe that QB Bradley George is some sort of overlooked phenom that is at Texas State because he wants to be there – not because he’s a 27 year old baseball retread that no Division 1 school in their right mind would take a flier on. Chris Weinke he apparently is not. Herpes make people think crazy things. Their message board banter will have you believe that not only is George better than Dalton, but, in fact, he’s the 2nd best QB in the state. Better than Taylor Potts and Robert Griffin. Better than Bo Levi Mitchell – an assumption that I would love to back up, but come on. I have no clue who aggy throws out under center, so I’ll let the Dillo fans have that one. Here’s what loyal fan bobcatjh has to say, I will say it again, Dalton would not start here. He would carry a clipboard for Bradley George. I love your "He's a Winner" comment.... All of the fat turds on The Biggest Loser trying to walk a quarter mile without dropping dead are also "all winners"." I don’t even feel the need to argue this point on our behalf, but is that how you all feel about the guy who is probably going to be the most prolific TCU passer ever this season? A team that has lined up Sammy Baugh under center? They also went on to say that they have 2 WRs who would start for TCU, but I think I’m going to let them take that up with my legal counsel, Young, Kerley, Hicks and Associates.. Anyway, my point in this is they’re going to throw out a stat this week that says George went 18/27 for 328 yards and 3 TDs. A healthy stat line, I will say. What they won’t mention is that he also threw 2 INTs. To Angelo State. Does anyone not from West Texas even know the exact location of San Angelo, let alone that they have a football team? Come on now. We have the two best corners in the conference, a fantastic free safety in Tejay Johnson and two new starting safeties who, while inexperienced, sure didn’t let UVA do too much. The backups, well, we know what happened there, but I have no issues with who we start the game with. I would think 2 INTs are guaranteed on Hughes’ disrupting of the backfield alone, not to mention the few fumbles he will likely create. We had one turnover last weekend on a gimmick play gone wrong. Against a Division 1 school – a poor one, yes, but D-1 nonetheless. I feel pretty confident in saying the turnover battle is not going to be a factor in this one.
  • Run the Ball – Hhahahahahahaha, I needed a good laugh today anyway. Instead of mentioning our many defensive accolades, I’ll just let this set in. On the SWT fan message boards, faithful Dillo fan ‘Apridg04’had the good sense to throw this one out, As long as BG has time in the pocket, I think we're going to pass all over them. Virginia did in the final 4 minutes of the game and Virgina's passing game $UCK$. Ours doesn't. Sewell passed for more yards and more TDs against TCU than he did agaist William and Mary. Of course, the TCU starters were out of the game for the first touchdown, but they were back in for the second. If we can keep Hughes away from BG, we'll stay in the game.” A sleight on our defense? Let’s keep things in perspective here, sweetheart. We held OU to their lowest output of the season last year. We made a Boise State team that averaged somewhere in the neighborhood of 30-40 points per game last year resort to missed field goals as a method of scoring. The Utah situation was extremely similar to that; unfortunately we came up just short. We were #1 in the country last year in total defense and have done just that several times in recent years. It also needs to be mentioned that SWT lost their starting RB this week. Good luck with that, guys. Hugs and kisses will be available in Lot 3 after the game.
  • Control the clock- Again, must I mention we led the country in said statistic last year and our defense flat out keeps opposing offenses on the sidelines? These guys had the ball for appx. 2.5 more minutes than Angelo State. True, this could be attributed to their offense scoring points quickly – I honestly don’t know, I don’t give two shits about SWT Football. However, despite our apparent lack of defensive prowess last week in getting apparently run off the field by Jameel Sewell – their words, not mine – we still held the ball for 10 minutes longer than the Cavaliers. Here's a statistic: Tx State, a team that plays Division I-AA football and gave up 28 points and 374 total yards to Angelo State, thinks they can hold the ball longer than us. Honestly, I think this is the one stat where they could beat us. I mean, once our three headed running attack has their front seven begging for the white flag, I expect touchdowns to come quickly and in bunches. How long does it take Joseph Turner to run an 80 yard sprint? Multiply that by about 6 or 7 and there’s your time of possession
So folks, in all seriousness, there’s always a chance that one of these teams can jump up and bite you without you expecting it. Having 2 weeks to prepare for us and 2 ex TCU grad assistants just adds more to that specuation. However, when you look at the betting lines and your game is off the board, that typically means you won’t have any problems in dispatching your inferior foe. I admire the SWT enthusiasm, but these guys don’t have a fucking chance in hell.

Frogs 56, Armadillos 9. Kathy Ireland is going to have a HUGE game.

I look forward to seeing all of you tomorrow and just remember: If an SWT coed approaches you, run. Run as fast as you can. The diseases they hide away in their shorts make the swine flu feel like a gentle autumn breeze.


Sir Wesley Willis said...

sorry for the font consistency fail

shortnkerley's said...

Just spoke to Wayne Daniels. I told him about the Texas State blogs and how they said their old fart QB was better than AD, the 2 WRS who could start over Jimmy and Kerley, and them criticizing us for not scheduling anyone. He just started laughing a lot at that absurd statement and basically said they are gonna tear that guy to pieces. I also tried on the term "The Carter" for the first time as in "we need to fill up The Carter tonight" and he was we definitely need to. So PLEASE SHOW UP if you are in the area.