Saturday, December 20, 2008

AP Conspiracy, JFK Style



I haven't been able to let Jerry 'Frogzilla' Hughes getting stiffed by the AP go. Sleepless night man...sleepless nights. Convinced this must be a mass conspiracy, I went looking for answers.

The group that votes on the All American team is apparently not the same group of 65 AP voters that had UT jumping OU in the polls AFTER OU beat #12 OSU in STILLWATER and UT beat up on lowly College Station based Automatic Teller Machine in Austin. The All American voters are instead a smaller group of 12 people from that larger group, and apparently they picked a high percentage of idiots. While I have confirmed that some on the panel seem to have a penchant for Frog hate, unfortunately I haven’t been able to find exactly who each person voted for yet, so like Bush, we’re not distinguishing between the terrorists and the states that harbor them- if you’re on this committee, you’re probably getting the wood:

The 12 AP All American Voters Panel:

Possible Friendly Fire: AP Rank for TCU- #11

-Kevin Pearson, The Press-Enterprise (Calif.)
-Joseph Person, The State (S.C.)

-Marcus Fuller, St. Paul Pioneer Press
Big 10/Minnesota fan, this nut had UT in the lead over OU after OU beat TTU (ok, makes sense), then had OU jumping UT after beating OSU (ok, still makes sense), THEN had UT jump OU after OU won the Big 12 championship (huh??? really????)

-Jim Lamar, Tallahassee Democrat
This guy had USC #3 in wks 14 and 15, then, in the last wk (16), moved them to #5??? The Gators really don’t like this guy

-Jimmy Burch, Forth Worth Star-Telegram
Oh, the home towner, surely we can count on this guy right??? Not so fast. Looks like this guy covers UT and OU, and he looks to be a HUGE UT fan. He still has UT ranked #1 in the nation. I’m guessing Orakpo got the nod before Hughes from this Benedict Arnold. Heck he didn’t even include every AP panelist in his article (see the bottom). Not a team player and most likely a traitor. If anyone follows this guy and I’m off, let me know.

-Mike Prater, Idaho Statesman
This is the one guy out of the 12 panelist that contributed to OU getting jumped by UT after UT beat ATM and OU beat OSU. In the 2006 season’s final poll, he ranked Tennessee 19th, but left Penn State off altogether (the Nittany Lions beat the Vols in a bowl game- Threads have anything to do w/ this?). This guy is probably on some terrorist watch list after he called for the University of Idaho to be bomb.

Might not be Osama, but knows where he is: AP Rank for TCU- #12

-Barker Davis, The Washington Times
Has the OSU’s ahead- Ok. St #10, and Ohio St. #11. Does have AL at #3 ahead of UT at #4 so maybe this guy isn’t all that bad.

-Aditi Kinkhabwala, The Bergen (N.J.) Record
Covers Rutgers, women’s sports, she likes the Olympics, and has Cincy at #11 in front of us- need I say more? Let’s just leave the selection up to a Ouija Board. If she didn’t vote for Jerry, it’s probably b/c of the nightmares…….

-Mark Anderson, Las Vegas Review-Journal
Has the frogs behind #11 Oregon. He’s also the only person ranking Oregon that high. Sounds like sour grapes from a guy who happens to be a UNLV football reporter. If he sat in front of us at the game, I guess I actually can understand. ...

Asteroid named Osama heading for Fort Worth: AP Rank for TCU- #13+

-Stewart Mandel, SI.com
Stuy has us #13 in the AP, behind Ok St. (11) and Ga Tech (12). Expect some hate in that mailbag Stu. According to Stu’s Wikipedia page, he’s a practicing Jew, and has often held off from writing his featured SI.com sports blog in observance of Yom Kippur when it fell on a gameday during the college football season. I must conclude that if he’s in fact really devoted to his faith, it’s very possible he hasn’t seen us play. As Walter Sobchak said “Saturday, Donny, is Shabbos, the Jewish day of rest. That means that I don't work, I don't drive a car, I don't fucking ride in a car, I don't handle money, I don't turn on the oven, and I sure as shit DON’T FUCKING ROLL!! Shomer shabbos!” So I guess Stuy probably doesn’t even watch football on Saturdays.

-Joseph Rexrode, Lansing State Journal
This hack has us #13 too, behind Cincy and Ok St., but he also has Ohio St ranked higher than any other voter at #7. This guy is a die hard Big 10 fan. A Michigan State grad, who covers MSU. No doubt this guy has Jerry’s blood on his hands.

And lastly….wait for it….get ready to get your HAAAAAAATE on…

-Craig James, ABC/ESPN
SMU's former golden boy has us ranked #15 in the AP (only 1 guy has us lower in the entire AP, Maurice Patton- The Tennessean (Newspaper)- Thread’s attack!!!). Pony Boy has us behind #10 Cincy, #11 Ok St., #12 Ga Tech, #13 Boise St (their lowest ranking by a voter, Boise fans, attack!!), and #14 Oregon. Man that Iron Skillet rivalry still cuts deep with Craig. I admire your ability to hold a grudge. You guys paid a coach $2mm per win this yr Craig, that amounts to one $2mm win against Texas State-San Marcos, so suck it Craig.

As you can see, with this group of yahoos and homers, it’s amazing J. Hughes even got 2nd team mention. At the end of the day, any honor from the AP sure doesn’t seem to mean much if it’s coming from this group of people. Since we’re on the topic of A-holes, these coaches also get honorable D-bag mention for their votes in the...
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USA Today Coaches Poll:

Turner Gill #13- from a FW AHS native??? A PHS alum would have us #1
Urban Meyer #13- jealous of our D’s speed I guess
Bill Lynch #14- no name/Indiana coach
Bret Bielema #14- Wisconsin, clown has Penn State #4
Phillip Fulmer #14- thought this was the “coaches” poll
Les Miles #15- white hat has GT, GA, MS, and OSU in front
Tyrone Willingham #15- you get a vote “coach”?

And lastly-

Gary Pinkel #17, ck out this joke’s rankings

9 Georgia Tech
10 Oregon
11 Oklahoma State
12 Georgia
13 Michigan State
14 Cincinnati
15 Utah
16 Boise State
17 TCU
18 Missouri
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Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to get home to set the DVR to record the Orange Bowl I sure don't want to miss that 4 loss #21 VaTech team's quest to end the ACC’s 8 year BCS drought. You read that right, the ACC hasn’t won a BCS bowl since Clinton was in office (1999 reg. season). You might remember it, Sega Dreamcast just came out, Ricky Martin was “Livin' la Vida Loca,” dot com-ing, Y2K, hit movies like Varsity Blues, Blair Witch Project, and Office Space. Sorry, I digress, it just seems like a century ago (rim shot).

On a final note, condolences to the Baugh Family. He was truly the greatest. Anyone who knows anything about football would agree. You can’t have a discussion about the all time greatest without including him at the top. That’s really saying something. There are lots of people who are “up there with the greats” but he was THE greatest. Even though I only got to see him on film, thanks for the memories Sammy. As far as horned frogs go, you were the best of us.