Thursday, December 6, 2007

There's No Place Like Home...

"Hey Neil, some of your fans asked me to 'take care of you'... wanna go hunting?"

After watching last week's craptacular performance in blowing it to Tech, Sunday night's cornholing at the hands of the Sooners, and then last night's sodomy against SMU it's official: Those good vibes we had when the team was 4-0 are officially gone. This is one of the worst basketball teams I have ever witnessed or cheered for... and my high school basketball team would go entire seasons without winning any district games. We are that bad. The ROTC B-team could hang with these guys, and would absolutely out hustle them. We have no offensive strategy. We refuse to play defense. The only decent player we have (Henry Salter) sits on on the bench half the game. Brent Hackett thinks he's a 3-point specialist, but I got news for you buddy: THIS AIN'T HIGH SCHOOL ANYMORE! YOU ARE ALLOWED TO PASS THE BALL RATHER THAN SHOOT CONTESTED THREES!" Our one decent three-point shooter (Ryan Wall) only comes in when the game is out of reach. Assuming Dougherty's strategy is to push the ball, stop and put on the illusion that we are going to run an offense, then have someone throw up a random three with 20 seconds left on the shot clock, you'd think he'd play the kid a bit more. We have no physical presence down low. Tauscher is an oaf and has about as many low post moves as Earl Boykins. Langford sometimes shows signs of life, but he's 6-8 and playing a low post position, so don't ever count on him having a spectacular game. Keion Mitchem is probably 12 years old. Mike Scott is our only player who is capable or driving the lane, but he's listed 6-0 (translation: 5-9) so there's no way he ever makes inside shots if we're playing a team capable of blocking shots. Oh yeah, our guys also run away from offensive rebounds like the ball will give them the bird flu. They made SMU look like the Harlem Globetrotters last night, and they are a teeeeerrible team as well. Not as bad we are, but pretty bad. I'm just getting geared up for another two win conference performance.

Rather than starting a clever website such as "" that would ultimately fail because no one cares about TCU athletics outside of the hardcore fan, let alone basketball, I'm just going to politely ask that he resign. So Neil, if you're reading this, click your heels together and go the F back to Kansas.