Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Greenspan on the Frogs

First off, I'm no economic scientist, but I'm fairly sure that your financial stability and the well being of almost everyone around the globe hinges on TCU's football season. For a couple of observations, see the graph below of the Dow Jones Industrial Average:

While the reasons for this correlation between TCU Football and the equity markets could be numerous, my own guess is worker productivity. My antidotal analysis:

Enter the '07 football season. TCU's football program is steadily trending north. Preseason talk is at an all time high (think Dow 14,000). Most real frog fans I know begin to lose focus, more so than usual, at work around early August. Daily time at work shifts dramatically from 85% work to 95% searching for Tommy Blake news on message boards. Boss comments he's ready for the season to start so can resume status as productive corporate cyborg. Still everything is going ok and the Frogs knock off Baylor w/ ease, and head down to play Texas Cal-Berkeley.

Game ends. Immediately begin search for ways to channel out every UT fan that has come out of the T-shirt wood work to talk shit. Succeed by dedicating 100% of time expressing hatred of UT and researching beloved frogs. Enter Airforce. A defeat that could only be dealt w/ by college theme party meets New Years Eve meets 21st birthday meets St. Patrick's Day meets Gameday-like alcohol consumption on a Thursday night, leading to a very inopportune (work-wise) Friday hangover/sleep-in. Given the severity of this two week physical and emotional hangover, a resulting stock price decline makes perfect sense. Could the frogs continue to play this way, leading to a worldwide unemployment rate of 100%?

I've spent the last few days in deep meditation- I went to church, a synagogue, a mosque, and a Cherokee Shaman in search of guidance and meaning into TCU's football dilemmas. Nights were spent in the beautiful inner confines of Amon G. Carter Stadium.

My thesis is simple gentlemen: the wheels of global commerce rest on the TCU Football season. It is the reason we work. It is the reason we live. It will be the reason we triumph. The technical fundamentals are looking up, and by all accounts a market rally this week indicates a glorious return to TCU victory. God have mercy on us all if I'm wrong.

GP = Rasputin

He's filling us with lies! Wowing us with his magic! ACTUAL quote from his press conference:

On the TCU running backs ..."There's two ways to look at this. You can dwell on the negatives that you don't have your top-3 tailbacks, or you can see that Ryan Christian had a heck of a game at Air Force and probably runs the ball inside better than Aaron Brown. We can't turn the ball over, and a lot of our third-down problems have been a result of penalties. You can't dwell on the negatives. You have to look for the positives."

A) Obviously Brown will not play this week. Has anyone seen him? Did they have to amputate his leg? WHY THE FUCK ISN'T THIS GUY ON THE FIELD AFTER SEEING WHAT HAPPENED THE PAST 2 WEEKS!?!?

B) I know GP obviously layed down on the immaculate interception, but, I mean, has dude not been watching the past 2 weeks? Does he really think Christian runs the ball better inside than Brown? I'm all for confidence, but come on! Christian runs the ball better than AB23 assuming AB23 has his entire body amputated before the game.

At the risk of sounding fairweather, this game is going to reeeeeeeeally show us a lot about what we think we know about Patterson.

Texas Longhorns Crank Dat Soulja Boy @ UCF

If this doesn't sum up the current state of the Longhorns and the control their coaching staff has over them I don't know what does.

Please also watch the awkward white guy trying to fit in, #58 on the right side of the "Soulja Boy line dance".

Keep trying to take the hood out of them Mack. And Book Em Horns!

National Talk Like a Pirate Day

I missed this last year by one day and vowed to never let it happen again. Avast ye mangy frogs.

Montage of the Day